Fires of the Past
by Purpwithapen
Summary: The one guy he couldn't save. Sam should've been able to connect with former soldier Darren Kolvacs, but he couldn't and now he was dead. Sam is reeling from the loss, suffering from flashbacks and nightmares about his time in JTF2. Will he share it with the team or will he be a ticking time bomb?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: takes place right after one of my favorite episodes, Behind the Blue Line at the end of season 2. Thank you to Ferret Assasin Nin for the request for this one! :) This will be a short story, probably 8-10 chapters. Maybe. Lol. May change! As always, read and review and I do not own Flashpoint.**

Sam took a sip of his beer and smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He wanted to just go home, but the team insisted they go to The Goose. Actually, he wanted to go see Ben. He knew Ben would understand how he felt about the call today at the Godwin Arena. He wasn't sure why he said Ben when he was talking to the subject. He always called his friend by his middle name, Matt, but today he switched and used his first name. He was only half listening to the conversations going on around him. He looked at the table, at the water sitting in front of the Sarge.

He looked down at the bandage on his arm and remembered the intense heat and pain in his arm as he rushed down the hidden hallway after Leah to the command post to get some relief. He had watched impatiently as Wordy filled a basin with water, willing it to fill faster before the phosphorous burned through his skin. It still stung like a bad sunburn. That scene from today's call sent his mind back to the desert, back with his unit.

########

 _One of the guys, Keith Paxman, thought it'd be funny to blow his beer into the fire. Sam and Matt sat side by side in the sand, watching the rookie as he caused the fire to blaze up._

 _"You're asking for trouble Pax." Sam shook his head._

 _"Oh come on Shadow, I'm just having some fun." Keith blew some beer Sam's way but it just barely reached the arm of his jacket._

 _Sam pulled his arm away, but it still got wet. He frowned up at Pax who had taken another swig of his beer. "That's the only one you get. You're wasting good beer." Sam wiped his arm with his hand._

 _Matt put a hand on Sam's dry arm. "Let him go. If he gets burned it's the idiot's own fault." He gave Sam a smile. He could see Sam was getting irritated at Pax so he changed the subject. "So teach me some more German. I want to be a Casanova to those chicks."_

 _Pax shook his head and took a big swig of his beer. He changed position so he was across the fire from Sam and Matt. He spit the beer with more force which made the fireball extend farther than before._

 _Sam put his arm up at the last second to shield himself as the fireball flew at them. The beer on his arm ignited and quickly burned through his thin jacket._

######

He jumped back, nearly fell out of his stool and stumbled backwards. Sam caught himself before he fell over, but he looked up at the team confused.

"Sam?" Wordy had stood as soon as Sam started going backwards and had a hold of his uninjured arm.

Greg was surprised when Sam jumped out of his seat and he stood too, moving towards Sam when he saw Sam's confusion. "You ok?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry. I hit my arm on the table or something." Sam looked up and saw six worried faces. "I'm good." He walked the few steps to the table and sat back down.

Ed narrowed his eyes at Sam. That was odd, he thought, but it's been a hard day for Sam. He was glad they'd talked Sam out of quitting. He was a real asset to the team. He understood how Sam felt, they all did. It was tough to lose a subject, especially one you related to like Sam did to Colvack.

Wordy looked at Greg and Jules as he let go of Sam's arm. He could see they didn't believe Sam either. It hurt to lose a subject. They all knew it would be hard to accept that Darren Colvack wanted to die, and wanted them to do it. He put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "You sure?"

Sam looked at Wordy and raised his eyebrows. "Yeah." He looked around the table. "Look, I appreciate this guys, but I'm just gonna go home and go to bed."

"Ok, well why don't I give you a ride?" Wordy smiled.

"Yeah, sure." Sam shrugged and threw back the rest of his beer. Wordy had already given him a ride to The Goose and had offered on the way over to get him home too. He stood and threw a five on the table.

"I got it." Ed said smiling. He picked up the five between two fingers and held it up to Sam.

Sam shrugged and took the five. "See you in the morning." He said to the team before they turned and left.

Wordy said his goodbyes and followed Sam to the van. On the way to Sam's the silence was deafening. He looked at Sam who was looking out the car window, lost in thought. "I know you're tired of being asked,"

Sam looked at him. "I'm fine." He sighed and looked back out the window.

Wordy set his lips on a thin line. He didn't want to push, it would only make Sam shut down. "Three years ago, we get a domestic call, except it wasn't just a domestic. The husband took the wife, newborn and two young kids to the third floor roof and was threatening to throw them off. I took negotiation after Sarge couldn't get through to the subject.

No offense to the Sarge, but he hasn't had to deal with the stress of raising kids, doing the job, dealing with a house, and trying to find a balance. It's a lot of stress. So I talked to the husband because I could relate." He looked out the side window seeing the situation play out in his head.

Sam looked at him and could see the hurt in his face and eyes. "He threw them." It was a statement more than a question.

"Yeah. He pushed them, then jumped. There wasn't anything I could do. Everyone said I did everything I could but it didn't feel that way. The mother landed on her back to try to save the baby." Wordy stopped at a red light and looked out the windshield, remembering the bodies on the grass.

"Did any of them make it?" Sam knew that at that height it was possible to survive, although the injuries would be very painful.

Wordy nodded. "The baby and the three year old. Both parents and the two year old died."

"I'm sorry." Sam said sincerely.

Wordy looked at him. "If it wasn't for Shel and the team, I don't know what I would've done. Lily wasn't born yet." He took a breath and concentrated on the road as the light turned green. Allie and Hollie were the same age-" He closed his mouth. "I'm just saying, I know. And if you need to talk, I'm here."

Sam gave Wordy a small smile. "Thanks." He couldn't imagine what it must've been like for Wordy. For his children to be the same age as the two that died, it definitely would've hit home hard. "What happened to the kids?"

Wordy smiled. "Luckily they got adopted together. The girl is in Allie's class and the baby boy is in Lily's playgroup."

"Nice." Sam raised his brows. "Good way to keep up with them, know they're doing ok."

"Yeah." Wordy smiled, but it faded. "I want to be able to answer their questions when they start asking."

"That'll be tough." Sam tipped his head to the side.

Wordy pulled up on front of Sam's apartment building. He put the van in park and looked at Sam. "It will, but I'll be ok." He smiled. "And so will you."

"Thanks." Sam nodded and gave him a half-smile. "See you in the morning."

"Definitely." Wordy said as Sam stepped out. He watched Sam walk into his building and then drove away.

Sam stayed up for a little while, thinking over what Wordy said. He'd been so angry at himself that he wanted to walk away from Team One. His anger had flared a little when he saw his bag on the bench and all his stuff back in his locker. Why would they do that? He had looked at them all standing there and knew why. They knew he belonged on the team and wouldn't let him walk away. He still wasn't so sure. He got up from his black chair and walked into the bedroom. He brushed his teeth, stripped to his underwear and climbed in bed.

#######

 _Pax shook his head and took a big swig of his beer. He changed position so he was across the fire from Sam and Matt. He spit the beer with more force which made the fireball extend farther than before._

 _Sam put his left arm up at the last second to shield himself as the fireball flew at them. The beer on his arm ignited and quickly burned through his thin jacket. He jumped back from the fire, landed on his back and rolled to his left side even though it hurt like hell to lay on his arm._

 _"Sam!" Matt watched Sam throw himself back and to his left side. He jumped up and rolled Sam to his back, making sure the fire was out. It was. He looked up and yelled at their tent, "Dolittle! Sam's down!" He looked across the fire and saw that Scout had tackled Pax and knocked his lights out. Beast was standing over Scout and making sure he wasn't taking it further. Their medic, Dolittle, was on his way over to Sam with his med pack._

 _The Sarge ran up from behind them. "What the hell happened?"_

 _Sam looked up at the night sky and tried not to pass out from the pain. He knew parts of the jacket were sticking to his skin. He could tell, especially when Dolittle wouldn't let him touch his arm. It still felt like it was burning, eating his skin and arm off._

 _#######_

Sam woke up in a sweat. He sat up and looked at his arm. He couldn't tell if it was the memory or the phosphorous burn that was hurting. He got up and found some aloe in his bathroom. He took off the bandage, applied the aloe and put the bandage back on. That helped. He sat on the edge of his bed, rubbing his eyes. He looked at the clock, 0135. He laid back on the bed and closed his eyes. He tossed and turned and alternated between dreams about today and wide awake. At 0245 he gave up and got up.

He threw on his favorite sneakers and sweats, his MP3 player, watch, tee and hoodie. He jogged down the three flights of stairs to the street to warm up. Sam hung a left outside the building and ran at a fast clip to the park. He turned up one of his favorite wooded trails and pumped his legs hard to get up the hill.

As he made it to the top, he didn't let up on his speed as he ran along the small ridge. He knew exactly where he was going and got there in record time. As he reached the openness of the graveyard he hung a right down the hill. He slowed to a stop in front of a stone and dropped to his knees, his chest heaving from the hard run.

"Hey Mattie." Sam put a hand on the engraved name. He sighed, moved to the side and sat on his butt with his legs across the grave, knees bent. He put his arms across his knees and looked at the black name. "I tried Mattie." His eyes filled. "I tried to get him out safe, but it wasn't enough. I couldn't do it." He shook his head.

"He was a brother in arms, I should've been able to get through to him." The tears fell freely. He spent nearly twenty minutes telling Matt about the call. About how he screwed up, again. He finally wiped his eyes and stood. He looked at the sky and realized he was going to be late if he didn't leave. He put a hand on the gravestone. "I gotta go buddy. Talk to you soon."

Sam turned and ran to the entrance of the cemetery and took a right down several blocks before he turned on his street. He reached his apartment, ran up the stairs to his apartment. He changed, grabbed his bag and headed back down the stairs


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: flashback is in parenthesis**

"Sam." Greg hitched his chin at Sam when he was walking out of the locker room.

Ed stood next to Greg and lifted his chin when Sam turned around.

Sam looked at them and walked back. "What's up?" He raised his brows.

"Just wanted to make sure you were doing ok." Greg said with concern.

"Yeah I'm good." Sam nodded. He hoped he didn't look too tired. He didn't have time to check before he left the house.

"You sleeping ok?" Greg eyed him and noticed the lines at the corner of his eyes and slight bags.

Well that answers that question, Sam thought. He looked at Ed and could see the concern. He didn't want to be relegated to the truck so he said, "I was a little restless, but I'm ok, really."

Ed raised his brows and tipped his head back slightly and back down. "It was a rough call, we know. I just need to know you've got your head on straight."

"I'm good." Sam said, a little annoyed that he had to keep repeating it.

Ed studied him. After a long moment, he looked at Greg and back to Sam. "Ok. See you in workout."

"Ok." Sam walked past them and down the hall to the workout room.

Once Sam was out of earshot, which they knew was in the workout room, Greg looked to Ed. "What do you think?"

"I think he's ok, but I'll keep an eye on him." Ed raised his brows and nodded.

"Good." Greg nodded. It was a little hard to believe that Sam could go from wanting to leave the team to perfectly fine the next day. Although, Sam was good at masking, he thought. Just like someone else he knew. He put a hand on Ed's back and tipped his head towards the workout room.

When Sam walked into the workout room, the rest of the team greeted him.

"Saved the kettlebell for ya." Spike smiled and pointed to the metal ball with a thick metal handle sitting on the floor. "I know she's your favey." He batted his eyes and continued with his free weights.

Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, my favey." He drew out the last word dramatically. He clapped a hand on Spike's shoulder. "That just means you get to do it last. Which means you get to put Bertha away."

Spike stopped doing one armed curls and looked at Sam, crestfallen.

"Buurn." Wordy laughed.

"Nice try Spike." Jules giggled as she worked the elliptical.

Sam laughed in spite of himself. "A little bit of payback for your prank the other day." He grunted as he picked up the 45 pound kettlebell.

Spike stuck his lip out. "It was just a little baby powder."

"Yeah," Sam groaned as he started swinging the kettlebell between his legs. "Which made my hair completely white." He said on the downswing.

"Then it was yellow with white globs when you tried to wash it out." Wordy laughed and turned up the speed on the step machine.

"What..a..mess." Sam swung faster, waiting for time to be called. Sweat was starting to drip down his forehead.

"Rest." Ed called. He stepped away from the barbell, hands on his hips, head down. He looked at his watch. "10 seconds left. Get ready." He watched the time count down and said, "go!"

Everyone started another round on their equipment. This time Sam swung the kettlebell between his legs, switched to one handed and then swung the bell up over his head, his arm straight. He swung that arm down, switched hands on the way up and did the same motion with the other arm. He kept switching arms on every upswing.

Wordy was watching Sam and was impressed. "Nice kettlebell snatch Sam. Not easy with that weight."

"Thanks." Sam breathed. He was really sweating now as he completed number forty.

"Time! Last round here, be ready to move on the next break." Ed called.

##########

The team sat sipping their coffees as Greg gathered the needed information from Winnie. When she came back from the file room he took the stack of files from her. "Thanks Winnie." He smiled and walked towards the briefing room. "Ok, lady and gentlemen," he tipped his head to Jules, then the to the rest of the guys, "we have two warrants to run today. James Plate and Franklin Hjonis. Plate is a coke dealer on the south side." He passed out a copy of the subject's file to each of them.

He's also wanted for the murder of six year old Francine Alderman. I'm sure you remember the media coverage from last month." He picked up the the remote and pointed it at the overhead screen. A picture of a young girl, smiling with pink ribbons in her dark curls displayed on the screen next to a crime scene photo of the same girl on the sidewalk in a pool of her own blood.

Sam couldn't look away from the picture. It looked just like J'alina. He closed his eyes and saw her. Dark hair hidden under the scarf on her head. It wasn't her fault, it was his. His unit had started moving through her village, a known terrorist stronghold, in the dark of the moonless night. He was in his his usual over watch, a tall dune that flanked the village.

##########

 _J'alina was in her bed, trying to fall asleep after she heard a visitor arrive. She heard the familiar voice and recognized it as her uncle Yamini. She wanted to get out of bed and say hi to him, but she knew it was late and her parents would be angry she wasn't sleeping. Minutes later she had run out of her house through the back door, scared by her parents and uncle's talk of soldiers in the village. She had a hiding place, no one else knew about it. She'd be safe from the soldiers that scared her parents so much._

 _With a look back through the thin curtain that separated a storage room from the hallway, she watched the shadows of her parents and uncle for a moment. She was so scared, a tear fell from her eye. Her parents had trained her for this moment. They made sure she found a place to hide, that no one knew about, for when the soldiers came. Somewhere she would be safe and that they would find her when everything was ok._

 _The five men moved stealthily through the village, keeping to the shadows of alleyways. It wasn't a very big village, but their intel said there was a known terrorist holed up in one of the houses, along with a large cache of weapons. The large man in the lead put a fist up and the men stopped behind him._

 _"Target home in sight. How we looking Shadow?" Sarge asked. He looked around, keeping himself aware, even though the rest of the team had their guns up and we're doing the same._

 _Sam looked through his scope, checking around the single level home. "No movement. Clear to proceed." He felt something slide down his side and looked, it was a snake. He took out his k-bar and brought the sharp edge down on the neck, slicing the head off. He moved it away to let the blood drain into the sand. He'd put it in his pack and surprise the guys with it later. He put his eyes back to the scope. Suddenly, something moved on the side of the house, the same side on the unit was about to go down. "Hold. Bogey on the west side of the house."_

 _Sarge put up a hand and the men stopped. They had moved to the back of the house and were about to split to take each side of the house._

 _Sam kept his breathing shallow to slow his heart and watched the small figure heading right for his men. "Looks like a kid running your way from the west side."_

 _"Let's go." Pax said, walking quickly to the other side of the house and looking down the east side of the house._

 _"Pax." Scout whispered. "What if she comes around to that side or someone else sees us?"_

 _Sam felt a lump in his throat. He couldn't be serious, could he? "We don't kill innocent children." Sam whispered. "10 seconds."_

 _Sarge looked at Scout. He had to decide quickly. "Go." He pointed to the other side of the house. They scurried to the east side of the house as the little girl rounded the corner._

 _J'alina walked carefully, knowing this was the most dangerous part of going to her hiding spot. The village militia was usually out patrolling by now. She had to be careful not to be seen or they would kill her for being out so late. The militiamen were very mean at night. Mostly because they were afraid all the time. Momma and Daddy talk about it at night. About how they don't know which is worse, the insurgents or the soldiers fighting them. They want me to be safe, she thought. To live a happy life, a nice long life._

 _Sam watched her walking slowly towards his team. "Sarge. She's heading your way." He warned._

 _"Damn it." Sarge looked behind him at his men. He couldn't let her find them. He sighed and took out his k-bar. Sometimes I fucking hate my job, he thought._

 _Sam scanned the area and saw one of the militiamen walking down the road and then turned between houses, two houses down from his unit and the girl. "Sarge, insurgent two houses down, about to come into view of the girl. What's the call?"_

 _Pax looked behind them and saw a window. He stepped back and inched up until he could see inside. He put a gloved hand on the window and pushed up. It slid open without a sound. "Sarge, we can climb in here."_

 _Sarge looked back and nodded. "Go." He whispered. He watched Pax stand slowly, his gun raised. Scout did the same and cleared the other side of the room._

 _Pax nodded to Scout who nodded back. He climbed through the window while Scout covered him. He was in a small room with hand drawn pictures of rainbows and unicorns. Must be the little girl's room, he thought. Why would she be out alone at night? He turned to see Beast then Dolittle climb in._

 _"We need to get in first. How long?" Sarge said as he looked around one last time and climbed in the window. He looked out and tapped Scout's shoulder._

 _Scout had turned from the window and was covering while they all got in he house. He climbed in and was shoulder to shoulder with Beast and Pax. Five big JTF2 guys in the small room and none of them had been able to shower for several days. Everyone started mouth breathing._

 _"Jesus Scout, you are ripe." Beast complained._

 _"Right back at ya big guy." Scout smiled and turned to the window, providing cover._

 _"He sees her. Go." Sam said urgently. He knew from talking with villagers that these village militias strictly enforced their curfews without hesitation._

 _Jamal saw his neighbor's daughter and turned away. Why was she out here, he thought. Didn't she know better? He looked around and started walking towards her._

 _Sam watched the man turn away and was confused, albeit glad the man didn't shoot the girl outright. That's interesting._

 _"Jamal. Where are you going in such a hurry?" Khitai Mitzali smiled as he walked between the houses to catch up with friend._

 _With a panicked look at the girl crossing the space between her house and his, Jamal walked forward quickly to cut off Khitai. "Just checking things out around my house."_

 _Khitai smiled. "Always such a worry wort." He walked past Jamal._

 _"Where are you going?" Jamal asked._

 _"Two militiamen are talking between the next two houses. I think the first guy knows the girl. Looks like maybe he's trying to keep the other guy from seeing her, but she's almost in view." Sam reported quietly._

 _Sarge and Beast had moved into the next room to check it. They could hear a man and a woman talking in the front room. "We're almost in position. Ten seconds." The others were moving down the hallway, getting ready._

 _"Get ready." Sam said. He watched the little girl walk cautiously and then stop dead when she saw the two men. The second man to arrive raised his gun and Sam dropped him, a perfect head shot. He watched the first man stare at his friend, drop his gun and run to the little girl. Sam heard his team get the woman and man under control and then start searching the house._

 _He took a breath and followed the man to the little girl. He frowned. She was on the ground. He saw the pool starting to form around her head. No, she wasn't in my line of fire, he thought. Was she? No, he made sure. He looked at the man he took out and saw gun in his hand and a shell next to him. Dammit, he got a shot off. Sam didn't kill him fast enough. She was gone. She was so young. It was his fault. He didn't protect her._

##########

Wordy looked across the table at Sam and noticed he was staring at the little girl's picture. He wondered if he was thinking about his sister. He stuck his foot out under the table and gave Sam a small kick.

Sam looked up and realized he had zoned out and missed what the Sarge was saying for at least five minutes. Crap. He looked at Wordy and gave him a slight nod of thanks for breaking him out of his reverie. He took a breath and concentrated on the Sarge. He hadn't thought about J'alina in a long time. It made his heart hurt again to think about how he lost her. He didn't protect her. He felt the anger rising and pushed it down. He stole a glance at Wordy and Spike. He was glad they were looking at Greg. He bent the elbow of the arm on the table and put his hand under his chin, fingers curled by his mouth.


	3. Chapter 3

##### Yardley Holdings Warehouse, 0900 #####

Sam and Jules ran to the back of the warehouse from the smaller one next to it. They just cleared the small warehouse and arrested three of Plate's known associates, who they already handed off to the PD. From what they got out of the associates, their subject James Plate, was in the big warehouse in the office in the northeast corner. They moved to the office door, both had their guns drawn. "Bravo In position."

Ed and Wordy were waiting at the front door. "Alpha in position, Boss?"

Greg and Spike were waiting at the side door, guns drawn. "Charlie, in position." Greg whispered. A man walked out of the side door and Greg immediately had him down on the ground, quietly. Unfortunately, one of his co-workers inside caught it.

Spike saw the man and pointed his gun at him. "Out." He commanded in a low tone. "Go! Go now!" Spike said as he put the cuffs on the man.

As Ed and Wordy entered the main door, Jules and Sam breached the office door. There were deafening sounds of "SRU!" "Get down!", "Drop your weapon!", "Show me those hands!".

"Plate in custody." Sam said 30 seconds later as he helped James up off the floor and smiled at Jules.

"Two subjects at the front in custody." Ed nodded to Wordy who had one of the subjects by the arm.

"Last two in custody at the side entrance." Spike said as he handed off one of the subjects to an officer. He turned back and looked at the Sarge.

Greg smiled at Spike. "Nice job Team One."

Jules looked around the office and saw a corner where there were several pictures of a dark haired little girl. She frowned, walked over and picked up one of the framed pictures.

Sam narrowed his eyes at the picture that Jules was holding.

"You people think I'm a monster," James said with emotion in his voice.

Jules looked at him angrily, "you have pictures of the victim? Why?"

Sam looked at the photo of the smiling, dark haired girl and didn't hear anything else that was said.

#####

He took a breath and followed the man to the little girl. He frowned. She was on the ground. He saw the pool starting to form around her head. No, she wasn't in my line of fire, he thought. Was she? No, he'd made sure. He looked at the man he took out and saw gun in his hand and a shell next to him. Dammit, he got a shot off. Sam didn't kill him fast enough. She was gone. She was so young. It was his fault. He didn't protect her.

Suddenly, he heard a commotion at the front of the house and saw a woman run outside. She stopped and looked around frantically calling, "J'alina! My baby! Where are you?"

Sam saw Sarge step outside with the woman. "Insurgent got a shot off.." He took a steadying breath. "She's at the northeast corner, man with her is a friendly, just take his gun." He knew Sarge would want an explanation, but he couldn't get his breathing to steady. He kept his eye on the scope and wiped a tear as it tracked down his face.

Sarge put a hand on the woman's shoulder.

Kaida spun to face the soldier, a fearful look on her face. "Please, daughter out here." She said in her best English.

Sarge looked past the woman and then back to her. "I know. The man on the ground behind you shot her before we could stop him. I'm so sorry."

Kaida spun when he said "behind you" and saw one of her neighbors, Jamal on the ground, his blood soaking into the sand. She looked past him and saw their good friend Khitai leaning over a small figure. No, it can't be, she thought. She heard the soldier's voice, but not the words. Khitai looked up just then, looked at her and shook his head. Someone was screaming. She didn't know who as she ran forward and fell to her knees next to the girl. She realized it was her screams that pierced the night as she held her only child in her arms and cried to Allah to make it untrue.

Her keening cry pierced the night and carried on the wind to Sam in his perch. His chest heaved as he watched the woman pick up her child and held the limp body in her arms. She looked to the sky and screamed, "J'alinaaa!"'

############

"Who?" Jules frowned at Sam. That was the third time she said something to him. He had said, something, but it was too soft for her to hear. He had a far away look in his eyes and she wondered what he was thinking. It definitely wasn't anything good. "You ok?"

"Sam?" Greg looked at Ed who was handing his subject off to an officer.

Ed met Greg's gaze, looked at the office and jogged towards it

.

Wordy watched Ed, concern etching his face.

Jules moved the few feet to Sam, put one hand on his shoulder and the other on James who was looking at Sam, confused. She squeezed Sam's shoulder which caused him to look at her. "What did you say?" Even with the sensitive mics, she still hadn't heard him.

Sam's vision cleared and he frowned at Jules. "What?" He realized he had loosened his grip on the subject and tightened his hand on the man's arm.

Jules cocked her head at him. What was wrong with him? He was acting weird. She wasn't sure whether it was from the call yesterday or something else.

Ed burst in the door, gun at the ready. He lowered it when he saw that everything was ok. "What's going on?" He asked Sam, eyes wide.

Sam looked at Ed and shrugged. "I don't know. What's wrong?"

"Can you take Plate to an officer?" Jules asked Ed.

Ed looked from Jules to Sam. Something was up and he could see that Jules wanted to find out what. "Sure." He stepped forward, took Plate's arm and guided him out of the office, closing the door behind him.

Once the door closed, Jules turned off her comm and nodded to Sam to do the same. Once he did, she said, "what's going on Sam? When I was talking to Plate you stared at the victim's photo and zoned out, then you mumbled something."

"Nothing. I'm fine." Sam gave her a serious look.

"Don't seem fine." Jules crossed her arms over her chest. He looked away and after a long moment she said, "talk to me."

"There's nothing to say." Sam said irritably. He walked to the door and stopped with his hand on the knob. He looked back. "Thanks for asking, but honestly, I'm good." He walked out the door and to the SUVs where the others were standing.

Jules watched him go and shook her head. He was definitely not good, but he didn't want to talk. He shut down and walked away. If she pushed it would only make it worse. She walked out of the office and through the warehouse.

Greg watched Sam approach and studied him. When he smiled, it didn't reach his eyes. He definitely had a mask on. He lifted his chin at Sam. "Talk to you for a sec?"

Sam turned down his mouth and nodded. He followed Greg to the back of the SUV farthest from the team. When Greg turned off his comm, Sam frowned. "What's up Boss?"

"Just wanted to check in, see how you're doing." Greg asked.

"I'm fine." Sam said annoyed.

Greg raised his brows. "Ok. Just sounded like something was up." He put a hand up.

"Nope." Sam set his lips in a thin line. Why wouldn't they let it drop, he thought angrily. They already had the subject in custody, it wasn't a big deal that he zoned out for a second.

"Good." Greg nodded, although he wasn't completely convinced. He put a hand on Sam's shoulder and smiled.

A half hour later, they were sitting together at the table in HQ, debriefing.

"All in all, everything went like clockwork." Ed looked around the table, his gaze settling on Sam.

Sam nodded. Please don't let them ask again, he thought. He just wanted to forget and move on.

"Any questions?" Greg asked. Hearing none, he picked up the remote, pointed it at the screen and pressed a button. A picture of a house next to the mug shot of their next warrant showed on the screen.

"Ok, where? Copy." Winnie looked up from her desk and met eyes with Greg as she hit the klaxon alarm. "Team One, hot call, Toronto Public Library on," she looked at her screen, "Ward and Main. Woman with a gun."

Greg walked towards Winnie as the others headed to the SUVs. "What do we know?"

Greg walked towards Winnie as the others headed to the SUVs. "What do we know?"

"911 has a witness on the line, a Brenda Smith." Winnie looked up at Greg.

"Ok, patch her to me Winnie." Greg nodded and started towards the SUVs.

"Copy." Winnie nodded and put the call through to the headsets.

"Brenda? This is Sargeant Greg Parker with the Strategic Response Unit. Can you talk safely?" Greg asked as he climbed in the SUV with Ed.

Brenda was shaking as she held her phone to her ear. She was crouched down behind one of the shelves and could see the woman holding a gun. "She has a gun to the woman's head. She's screaming at her. Oh god."

"I know you're scared Brenda, but you're going to be ok. I need you to stay hidden ok?" Greg looked out the windshield.

"Yeah." Brenda slid back from the end of the bookcase. She looked at the woman with the gun through the small space between the books and the shelving. "I'm behind one of shelves. I-I don't think she can see me."

"Ok good." Greg nodded. "What can you tell me about the woman? Do you know her?"

Brenda sniffed. "Yeah. Uh, I've seen her on TV. She's the wife of some Senator or something. Oh god. She's pointing it at the girl's face. Please, you have to help her. I know her. Please, she's pregnant."

"Pregnant?" Sam raised his brows from the driver seat of his SUV and looked at Wordy as he did the same.

"She's pregnant?" Greg frowned at Ed.

"Yes. Like six months." Tears fell from Brenda's eyes. "You have to help her, please." Her eyes went wide and she gasped.

"Brenda? What's happening?" Greg asked anxiously. He could hear that the woman was upset, but this was something more.

"She-oh my god. I recognize her. She's Senator Pellitier's wife." Brenda whispered and moved back further as Mrs. Pellitier dragged her friend by her hair towards the entrance. "She's coming." She scooted back further until she was at the end of the bookcases. She backed around the corner as the woman walked by.

"Winnie, get me everything you have on Mrs. Pelletier. Spike check out the Senator." Greg looked at the ceiling of the SUV as they pulled up out front of the library. "Brenda? Stay hidden ok? We'll come get you."

"Ok." Brenda whispered as she huddled behind the end of the bookcases. "Please help Kim."

"We will. What's Kim's last name?"

Brenda took a breath when she heard Mrs. Pelletier swear that the cops were there. "It's Bailer." She leaned forward slightly and looked down the row. It was clear so she leaned back and sat up on her knees. "She knows you're here, you-" Her voice stopped when she heard a click behind her and she turned to see angry eyes staring at her.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Had to fix a few things as I had Lew with the team and this is way after he died. I'll be fixing chapters 5-9 as well.**

AN: Sorry for the delay guys! Been pretty busy! Here's the next installment. Please review! I do not own Flashpoint.

"Shouldn't have done that."

Brenda stared into the deep blue eyes of the woman she knew as Abigail Pelletier. "Please. I'm sorry." She heard the loud bang and felt the hot metal rip through her body, but that was all she remembered as the darkness took her.

##### outside the Toronto Public library #####

"Brenda?" Greg's eyes widened. "Brenda!" He jumped out of the SUV and looked at the two story building. He saw a couple officers talking to three people and walked to them.

"Shots fired! Let's go!" Ed jumped out of the SUV and ran to the back. He met the others there and they geared up quickly. "Sam? Floor plan?"

"Sent it to your PDAs." Sam held up his PDA for Ed to see while Wordy, Jules and Lew shared a PDA.

"Ok, Wordy and Jules, rear entrance of black wall. Clear the children's room and head up to the main library. Sam and I will take the front. Sam, once we're in, head to the balcony, you're Sierra. Direct to threat, let's go." Ed nodded to them and they split off.

Jules and Wordy ran to the back of the building. On the way, Jules wondered why she and Wordy were paired instead of she and Sam like they usually were.

They got to the back door at ground level and headed inside.

"Hi officers. Which of you is the first responder?" Greg asked as he looked between the officers and the upset people.

"Me sir." The officer with the nameplate that read J Hancock said.

"What's going on?" Greg tipped his chin at the man.

"Woman walked straight to the desk, pushed this woman aside," he pointed to the blonde in a red shirt and jeans, "and pulled a gun on the young woman working the desk. Name of the victim is Kayla Marquis." The officer explained.

"Thank you officer." Greg smiled at him. He walked to the small group and looked at the two women. "Did the lady with the gun say anything to you or the girl at the desk?"

"Y-yes she called Kayla a hussy. Said she wouldn't get away with it." The red shirt said, shaking her head. "I don't understand this. Kayla is a good person. She was so excited when she found out she was pregnant."

"She said her boyfriend wasn't very happy though, remember Jill?" The other blonde frowned at red shirt.

"Yeah, true." Jill nodded. "She didn't care though. She was going to go it alone."

"Ok, good." Greg nodded as he wrote. "Do you know if there is anyone else left in there?"

"Yes. Brenda Smith and Francis LaRange." Jill sniffed. "Becky and I were getting our books checked out when the woman came in. Brenda and Francis were in the stacks."

"Thank you. Stay close in case we need to talk to you again." When both women nodded, Greg gave them a reassuring smile and headed to the truck. "Ed?"

##### Inside the library #####

"We heard." Ed nodded. He looked through the front door as he crouched, three steps from the top. Sam was to his right. "Subject has the hostage near the front door. Wordy?"

Jules was holding the back door open for the families as they filed hurriedly past her. "Twelve people cleared from the children's section. Unis are rounding them up. It's ok folks. Go straight to those officers." She said as the last family left the large room. She motioned for an officer to come stand at the door. She looked at Wordy who was looking up the stairs, gun at the ready. She walked to him and tapped his shoulder.

They ascended the stairs and stopped near the top. Wordy motioned for Jules to go to the right and check out the rooms on that side. He pulled out one of their mobile listening units and pointed it towards the subject. "We have ears. Jules is clearing the offices and media rooms."

"Copy Wordy. Boss?" Ed acknowledged.

##### Command truck outside the library #####

Greg looked at Spike. "What do we have?"

"Jacques Pelletier is a prominent Senator. Known for being a hardass and fighting for the rights of the little guy. He's also headed up some controversial legislature lately." Spike read from the screen.

"What about the wife?" Greg asked.

"Abigail Pelletier, formerly Francs-" Winnie answered.

"As in THE Francs, Winnie?" Greg looked at Spike.

"Yes. She's the daughter of former Prime Minister Alistair Francs. She has a squeaky clean background. Grew up in Montreal, parents were well to do even before he became Prime Minister. Two brothers. She went to University and got her MBA, married Jacques fifteen years ago, three kids. He has two from a previous marriage. She's a stay at home mom and is involved in tons of charities." Winnie nodded and read off the information.

"Any connection to the victim?" Greg asked.

"None that I could find." Spike looked at Greg and shook his head, then looked back at the screen. "Kayla Marquis is clean. Not even a parking ticket. She's 25, Franc is 53." He looked back at Greg with raised brows. "May-November romance?"

Greg nodded. "Could be. Does she have any family in town? See if they can come down. You have the number for the desk?"

"Copy. Here you go." Spike handed Greg a piece of paper with the number on it.

Greg nodded and grabbed his phone from his pocket.

As Ed shifted to a more comfortable position on the stairs, he looked at Sam and wondered what was going on with him. Jules didn't say anything about what happened in the office during debrief. Sam had a "please don't ask" look in his eyes when their eyes met, so he didn't ask. He could see that Sam had a bit of an unfocused look in his eyes, so he whispered, "Sam."

###########

"Sam!"

The voice was more anxious this time, which made Sam open his eyes and look up to where the house used to be. He was lying on the stairs in a fetal position hoping the stone would protect him from the blast. It had protected him, but his heart raced as he thought of his unit.

"Shadow!" Remnant had forgotten himself when he saw his friend run out of the building and throw himself down the stairs before the house blew to smithereens. He fell to his knees on the stairs and put a hand on Shadow's shoulder. "You ok?" He asked, scared for his best friend.

Shadow looked into the worried pools of brown and sat up, wincing. He took a breath and put a hand to his chest. Definitely broke a few ribs, he thought. He looked past Remnant, searching for his unit. He saw Craze (the Sarge) and Beast in a pile on the ground next to the stairs. "Where's Dolittle and Topeka?"

Remnant looked towards the pile of mud that used to be the house. He looked down at Shadow. "Can you walk?"

Shadow nodded and looked around. It was pitch dark, but he could see lights coming on in windows. "We gotta get out of here. The neighbors are coming." He got up slowly and with Remnant's help they made it down the stairs to the very dark space next to the stairs. He kneeled next to Beast who was starting to stir. He looked up at Remnant. "Find them. I'm going to get Craze and Beast up and to the fall back." They crouched down when they heard male voices getting closer. He put his fist up, "Dileas Gu Brath." (Forever Faithful -Gaelic)

"Dileas Gu Brath." Remnant looked at Shadow meaningfully and hit his fist against Shadow's. He turned and disappeared into the night.

Shadow looked at Beast who was already sitting up. "You ok?"

Beast put a hand to his head and looked at Shadow. "Yeah. Headache, but ok." He put a hand on Craze's back. He could feel the rise and fall of the unconscious man's chest. He put two fingers on his neck. "Good pulse, he's breathing ok."

"Good." Shadow nodded. He could hear more people coming with lights. "We gotta go. Can you walk?" When Beast nodded, he scooted over to Craze and looked around.

Beast shook his head, easily moved Shadow out of the way and gently and easily picked up Craze. He knew Shadow was going to try to carry Craze even though the man outweighed Shadowby at least 50 pounds. "Let's go." He turned and disappeared into the dark, Shadow jogging behind him. They kept to the shadows and made their way out of the village and to their meeting place two miles away from the now chaos of the village.

Beast gently laid Craze down on the ground on his back and started doing what little first aid he could provide. He closed his eyes for a moment when he saw two of the Sarge, but pushed it away.

Shadow sat on the ground and took a swig of water from his canteen. His whole body was aching, but the parts that landed on the edges of the stairs were especially painful. He started sniper breathing to keep his chest from hurting which was with every breath. He raised his gun when he heard a noise near him.

Suddenly, Remnant and Dolittle appeared. Dolittle had blood on his face and head and his left arm was definitely broken. They moved forward and Shadow could see Dolittle was limping.

Matt helped Shane slowly lower himself to a large, flat topped rock near Sam. He walked to the Sarge and knelt down. "How is he?" He asked Atlas as he looked at the large, muscular man. They often joked that Atlas' mother must've been physic when he was born to know that her son would grow to be a 6' 6', 230 pound, mass of pure muscle.

"Pretty sure he has a concussion, but otherwise he seems ok." Atlas answered. He looked down and a knowing look entered his eye as he asked Matt the question he didn't want to ask. "Topeka? The package?"

Matt steeled himself and answered. "Gone, Shrapnel from the explosion."

"I'm sorry." Shane lifted his good arm up and put his hand to his face. He cried softly. "I didn't get them far enough away. I- I'm sorry."

Sam got up and sat next to Shane. He put a hand on the smaller man's back. "No, you didn't do anything wrong. I told you to go that way, you should've gone out the front with me. If I'd made sure you went ahead of me-" He looked away, his eyes tearing.

##########

"It's my fault." Sam said softly and hung his head, the tears forming.

Ed had already moved to Sam's side and put a hand on his back. "What's your fault?"

"They're gone. I sent them the wrong way!" Sam said angrily and looked up at Ed. His expression changed to confusion when he realized he wasn't in the desert talking to Shane.

Ed looked back and forth from Sam to the subject about ten feet from the front door. "Sam, go to the truck. Spike need you here. Boss we're moving in." Ed moved forward while Sam sat stunned on the stairs. "Jules, need you on Sierra."

Sam stood angrily and stalked to the truck.

Spike frowned at Sam as he left the truck. "You ok?" He asked as Sam passed him.

"Yeah." Sam entered the truck and sat at Spike's computer, not looking at the Sarge sitting next to him.

Spike ran with his gun to the front stairs of the library and met up with Ed. His concern for Sam grew, but he pushed it away, knowing they would deal with it in debrief.

Greg looked at Sam with concern. What is going on with him, he thought. The earlier call and now this? Something is very wrong. Unfortunately, he couldn't deal with it right now, the rest of the team needs him focused.

Sam looked at the screen, angry at himself that whatever was happening was interfering with his work. What if Ed decided to go into the library and his mind was elsewhere? What if something happened to one of them? To Jules? He'd never forgive himself if something happened to her because he was stuck in some flashback. He stood angrily and moved towards the door.

Greg saw Sam stand with determination and fury. He stood and put a hand on Sam's chest. "Where you goin'?

"I have to go." Sam shook his head. "I-I can't be here." He looked at Greg, tears in his eyes. He looked away and started to move past Greg, but he kept his hand on Sam's chest.

"Sam."

"No. Please, I have to go." Sam ground his teeth, a tear slipped down his cheek.

Greg could see that Sam was nearly completely shut down. Anything he tried to say would be useless. He sighed. "Ok. Go. Go to your apartment and stay there. Ed and I will be over after debrief. Understood?"

Sam nodded and moved past him. He took his weapons out and placed them on the table by the Sarge and left the truck. He started jogging down the street and picked up speed as he headed to the SRU.


	5. Chapter 5

He couldn't stop. No, he wouldn't stop. Sam's feet pounded the pavement hard, but he was easily able to regulate his breath. As he neared HQ, he took a right onto a residential street. There were several groups of kids playing, riding their bikes or playing tag on the sidewalk. Parents and neighbors were talking and laughing in groups and watching the kids play. It was a picturesque scene that he wished he could enjoy.

At the end of the block, Sam took another right. He picked up even more speed as he traveled down this street and made several more turns before he finally arrived back at the SRU. He walked into the SRU and straight to the locker room.

Winnie frowned at Sam as he walked by without saying hi. She followed him with her eyes as he walked into the locker room. She'd heard over the coms what happened at the library and was worried about what might be wrong with Sam. He wasn't acting like himself.

Sam showered and changed in record time. He knew the team would probably be coming back soon from the call. He closed his locker and walked out of the SRU through the back door, unsure if he would ever return. As he walked away, he couldn't help the tears that fell. What was happening to him? Why was the past invading his mind? As he walked, he wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings.

He wasn't walking in any particular direction, he was just walking. He had hoped his extended run back to the SRU would clear his mind, but it hadn't. Oh god, he thought, I've messed up big time. What are the Sarge and Ed going to say? They could fire him. He could lose the job and chosen family that he loved so much. He turned abruptly and crossed the street without looking, a car honked and missed him by inches at it swerved into the grass next to the road.

"What the hell are you doing?" The driver growled at the careless pedestrian as he got out of his car. His face changed when he looked at the desolation and lost look in the blue eyes of the blonde man as he walked into the cemetery. "Hey buddy, you ok?" When the blonde man ignored him and kept walking the driver closed the door to his car and followed him.

He walked into the cemetery and looked to his left. Nothing. He scanned to the right and saw the man walking up a small hill. He followed the blonde up the hill and stopped when he saw the man collapse to his knees in front of a headstone, take something black out if his pocket and start to cry. He backed down the hill and took out his phone.

##### 20 minutes earlier #####

Wordy looked at Spike and could see he was worrying about Sam. He looked to the road and back to Spike, knowing he'd see the movement. When it worked and Spike looked at him, Wordy turned off his receiver and lifted his chin.

Spike turned off his receiver and looked at Wordy.

"Sarge and Ed will find out what's up."

"Yeah, I just haven't seen him like that. He looked so, haunted." Spike looked at Wordy, concern in his eyes. He shook his head, trying to erase the image of Sam's face as he walked past.

Wordy sighed through his nose. He felt a small stab of fear for Sam. Something was very wrong with him. As they pulled into the garage behind Ed and Sarge he looked at Spike. "He'll be ok."

Spike swallowed and nodded. As soon as Wordy put the truck in park he jumped out and followed Sarge into the barn.

The team gathered in the briefing room as Greg stepped to the side and took out his phone. He looked up and saw Ed standing next to him. He put the phone to s ear and frowned a minute later as he pressed the button to turn off his phone. He looked at Ed. "Straight to voicemail."

Ed shook his head, his blue eyes flashing. "We need to go."

"We need to debrief." Greg shook his head. "Let's give him a little space." He put a hand on Ed's shoulder and tipped his head towards the briefing room.

Ed nodded and put his head down slightly. He looked at Greg and they walked into the briefing room together.

"Where's Sam?" Jules asked as soon as Greg and Ed came into view.

"Is he ok?" Spike added, sitting forward in his seat.

Greg put up a hand, walked forward and sat at the head of the table with Ed to his left. "He's home. We know you're worried, we are too. That's why Ed and I are going to see him after debrief. I've already talked to the Commander, Team Two is going to cover the rest of the afternoon for us. So let's get to it." He looked at each of them and could see the worry. He pulled the file a short distance across the table and opened it. Inventory and range practice would be a good distraction for them while he and Ed talked to Sam.

Ten minutes later, Team Two gathered in the smaller conference room for their usual pre-shift meeting.

Sergeant Waters looked around at the curious faces of his team. "So I'm sure you're curious why we're staring shift three hours early today. Team One had a tough call and need the rest of the afternoon off. I know it's going to be a long-ER day," he smiled as he emphasized the "er", "but that's what we do. No warrant calls today so we're going to patrol. Let's go."

All five men nodded and answered, "copy that." They stood and walked out towards the dispatch desk.

Winnie saw Team Two coming and waved them over. "Hot call, man with a gun in Birchwood Cemetery."

Greg looked at Winnie when he heard the name of the cemetery. It sounded familiar.

"Any ID on the subject?" Team Two's TL Tony asked.

"5,11 to 6,1, blonde hair, blue eyes, green jacket, Blue Jays t-shirt and dark blue jeans." Winnie said nervously. She looked at Greg with concern.

"That's what Sam was wearing." Jules stood and hurried to the desk.

"No." Spike looked at Winnie from the table, fear in his eyes.

They all stood and quickly followed Jules to the desk.

"Maybe.." Wordy trailed off as he reached the desk.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." Greg said calmly. "Winnie, put the coms on speaker please." He nodded to her. "Have you seen Sam since we went on our last call?"

Winnie nodded and looked at the clock. "Yes, he came in about a half hour ago but I didn't see him leave."

"How did he look?" Jules asked anxiously. She was kicking herself for not being more insistent they go to Sam's apartment after the call. Or that she spend the night at his apartment last night. He had told her that he was fine, but tired and begged off getting together.

Winnie bit her lip and looked at Jules. "Upset. He didn't say hi, just went to the locker room."

"What was his body language like?" Ed questioned. Oh please don't let this be Sam, he thought.

"Um, he had his head down, he didn't talk to anyone. He looked like he wanted to crawl in a hole.." Winnie looked at them and didn't say the rest. Their raging emotions were evident on their faces.

"Oh god." Spike looked at the door in a panic. He looked back to Greg, begging for them to go.

Greg stepped behind Ed and put a hand on Spike's shoulder. "It'll be ok." They all listened closely as Team Two communicated with Winnie and the witness.

"Mr. Yates, this is Sergeant Ken Waters with the Strategic Response Unit. Can you tell me what's happening?" Ken looked out the side window.

The driver looked up the hill at the blonde man. "Uh, well this blonde guy suddenly decided to walk in front of my car and I almost hit him, so I got out and started to yell at him. But, he looked so, so devastated and lost that I followed him when he walked into the cemetery. He stopped in front of a gravestone, went to his knees and started crying. I think he has a gun. That's why I called 911."

"Thank you for that Mr. Yates. It sounds like the man may need our help. Did he say anything to you?"

Yates looked up the hill and saw the man pointing something black at a woman standing at a grave nearby. "Oh my god. You need to hurry! He's pointing a gun at a woman nearby! He's going to kill her! I-"

"Mr. Yates? Mr. Yates." Ken looked at Tony sitting in the driver seat. "He's gone. Step on it. How far out are we?"

Tony nodded and pushed the gas down further, weaving in and out of the cars. "Two minutes."

"Eric and Gene, come in from the north. Tom, I need you to talk to the witness. Looks like the subject is next to a dense tree and shrub line on the west," he looked at the layout of the cemetery on his PDA, "so Bailey I need you to come in from the east. Tony and I will approach from the south."

Everyone answered, "copy."

##### inside the cemetery #####

##########

Sam was lying behind a large rock on a cliff overlooking the target, a heavily fortified compound with ten separate buildings within the 12 foot walls. He looked through the scope and could see his unit moving in on the east wall. "Two bogeys ahead to your left."

Dash and Frizz broke off from the unit, came up behind the men and silenced them with ease. They pulled the two bodies behind a wooden garbage bin, joined the unit and they moved forward.

"Clear, but you'll need to get over the wall quickly. Two more bogeys coming at you down the north wall. Will be to the corner in 20 seconds." Sam said and then froze. He felt rather than heard the presence of a person behind him. How did they find me, he thought.

##########

Reggie Yates walked as quietly as he could up the hill towards the blonde man. He stepped to the right and kept moving slowly until he was about ten feet behind the woman. He was about to start up towards her when he heard a noise behind him. He looked back to see three officers in tactical gear gesturing emphatically for him to come back down the hill. He turned and side stepped down the hill, keeping an eye on the man who was talking quietly to himself. He made it to the bottom and was immediately taken out of the cemetery by the brown haired officer with a goatee.

Eric and Gene drove into the north entrance of the cemetery and parked their SUV at the entrance and was followed by a police car to keep it sealed off. They got out and started walking down the road.

About halfway down the road, the small hills started. Eric put up a hand and used his fingers to point towards the right. There were a few trees, strategically placed to help keep the soil from eroding, which they used for cover. They moved carefully from tree to tree until they were three small hills from the subject. Eric leaned against the tree, using a low branch to balance his remi on, and looked through the scope. He inhaled sharply.

Gene got down on one knee and used the other side of the tree for cover. He leaned forward slightly and looked towards Eric when he heard the sharp intake of breath.

"Eric? Gene? Status." Ken looked up the hills past the subject and could see Eric and Gene behind a tree further up the hill.

"Sarge, it's Sam."


	6. Chapter 6

##### SRU HQ #####

Everyone turned to look at Greg with various expressions of fear, panic and worry. It took Greg a few seconds to register what Eric had said and then face his team. He looked at them and knew he wouldn't be able to keep them from going. "Let's go." He looked at Winnie. "Patch us into Team Two's coms."

Winnie nodded and said, "copy."

As the team ran to the SUVs, Greg said, "Sergeant Waters, we're coming to you."

##### inside the cemetery #####

"Copy Sarge." Ken looked up the hill at the blonde man talking to himself. This was gonna be tough, he thought. He started walking up the hill. As he approached the subject be said, "Excuse me sir. Can I talk to you for a minute?" When the blonde turned his head, Ken could see that he was somewhere else.

Sam blinked rapidly, confused. He looked at the man that had started talking to him, trying to decide if he was an insurgent or a unit buddy. He didn't look like any of his JTF2 unit mates, but he did look familiar.

Ken stopped within 10 feet of Sam while Bailey came in from his right and stepped in front of him with gun raised to cover. "Hey Sam." Ken put his hands up and stopped to the left of Bailey. "You want to tell me what's going on today?"

Sam shook his head and looked back at the target, but it turned into a woman at a grave 15 feet away. What the hell? He looked back and saw Matt's name on the grave he was hiding behind. He looked up the hill and saw Team Two's Eric and Gene using a tree for cover and pointing their guns at him. What in the world was going on?

"Sam?" Ken could see that Sam was very confused, like he wasn't sure if what he was seeing was real. He heard the screeching of tires outside the cemetery and six very worried teammates standing at the entrance with Tony and the witness. "Sarge, I know you're all worried about Sam, but something's wrong. He seems very confused." He looked up the hill. "Gene, Eric, do you see the weapon?"

"Not clearly, no." Gene answered.

"Me either. He is holding something black in his hand though." Eric added.

"Jules, you and I are going to Ken. Ed, Wordy you get to the north entrance and meet up with Eric and Gene. Spike you hit the east entrance." Greg looked at them with concern. "One voice to start." He put up one finger and said it with authority. After they all nodded, he looked at Jules and they walked up the hill to meet up with Ken and Bailey. When they reached the two men, Greg looked up at Sam. He was taken aback by the confused and lost look on Sam's face and in his eyes. "Hey Sam."

Sam looked down the hill. "Sarge? Jules?" He sat up and looked around for the first time with clear eyes and mind. He looked to the left and saw Spike coming towards him, deep concern on his face. Suddenly he was very embarrassed and angry that they were there to witness whatever just happened. He looked down the hill. "I'm fine." He looked back at the grave marker. "Oh Matt, what did I do? Will I ever stop screwing up and embarrassing myself?" He whispered.

"We just wanted to make sure." Greg watched Sam turn and talk to the stone behind him. He looked at Wordy standing next to Eric and nodded.

Wordy moved forward. "Hey Sam." When he didn't get a response, he moved forward a little more. "You doing ok?" He could see that Sam wasn't ok. It scared him to see someone who always looked in control to be out of it and lost. Then, he was suddenly clear, like a light had been switched. What was going on?

Sam heard the gentle voice, but he couldn't bring himself to look at the man it belonged to.

"It's ok you know. We're all here for you. It doesn't matter what it is, but you gotta let us know so we can help." Wordy felt a small sense of relief when Sam finally looked at him.

Sam nodded. "I know."

Wordy stepped closer. He was now five feet from Sam.

"Careful Wordy. We don't know if he's armed." Ed warned in a low voice.

"He's not going to hurt me." Wordy whispered, then switched to his normal voice. "So I have to ask, are you armed?"

Sam scoffed then realized he had his phone in his hand. It could look like a gun from far away. He put his hand out, with his phone balanced on his palm. "No." He looked at Wordy and stood with his hands outstretched n front of him, palm up.

Wordy nodded. "Good. You mind if I come over there?" When Sam nodded, he moved to within a few feet of him. "What happened?" He asked, giving Sam a concerned look.

"Nothing. Just visiting a friend." Sam looked down at his best friend's grave.

"Matt." Wordy looked down and read the name. The friend Sam lost in JTF2. He looked back up at Sam with a curious look. "Kinda having a rough day." It was a statement more than a question.

Sam raised his brows and nodded. "Yeah."

"Wanna talk about it?"

With a shake of his head, Sam looked away. After a moment he looked around them. "What brought them here?" He hitched his chin at the team members surrounding him.

Wordy took a breath and looked at the people standing around them. "A man says he almost hit you when you crossed the street and walked in here. Then he saw you at this grave and he thought you had a gun. We were just worried about you. We just want to make sure you're safe."

Sam rolled his eyes. "C'mon Wordy, you know me. Don't negotiate me." He put his arms out to each side and looked at Wordy incredulously.

Wordy stepped forward and patted Sam down. "It's clear. No weapon." He reached down and turned off his com unit. He put a hand on Sam's shoulder and pulled him to the leafy brush border next to Matt's grave. He gave Sam a concerned look and waited.

"False alarm." Greg nodded and both teams relaxed.

"I'm fine." Sam met Wordy's eyes and said with determination.

"Don't seem fine." Wordy said disbelievingly. "It's just you and me here." He took his earpiece out and let it dangle across his shoulder.

"I just want to go home." Sam stepped back from Wordy which made the older man frown.

Shit, he's shutting down, Wordy thought. He nodded and said, "Ok, well you know where I am if you want to talk."

Sam nodded, looking at the grave marker.

"What were you doing here Sam?" Greg asked gently as he walked up to them.

"I told you. I came to visit Matt. That's not a crime. Neither is having a phone." Sam said with irritation and put the phone in his pocket.

"I told you to go home." Greg returned the irritation. He looked at Sam and sighed. Should he take Sam to the hospital and have him looked at by a psychiatrist? Was it that bad? So bad that he had to force Sam to be evaluated? He looked lost and in another world when we first got here, now he's clear headed. "I'll give you a ride home." He said finally. He looked at Ed who immediately joined them. "Let's go. Team One, go back to the barn, debrief with Team Two and then hit the gun cage for inventory."

There was a chorus of, "copy that." Before everyone turned and returned to the trucks.

Jules stood still a moment, looking at Sam. I should've known when he didn't want to come over last night, she thought. The day before at the stadium had been hard on him so I didn't push him to talk about it and I should've. She looked away suddenly when a hand encircled her arm. She looked into concerned soft brown eyes.

Spike gave Jules a small smile. "He'll be ok."

She nodded, turned and followed them to the SUVs with Wordy walking next to her.

"Sarge and Ed will get to the bottom of it." Wordy put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

Sam knew he didn't have a choice. He had to ride home with the Sarge and Ed. He also knew that meant he couldn't avoid talking to them about the call earlier and the incident just now. He was angry that the civilian called 911 just because he was talking to an old friend. He ignored the bystander as he walked past him and to the SUV parked at the curb. He, Ed and Greg piled into the SUV and headed towards his house.

All three men got out of the truck and walked into Sam's building. As they walked through the lobby Sam looked at each of them. "I don't need an escort." His voice was dripping with irritation. Why wouldn't they believe that I'm ok, he thought. Am I really ok? He seemed to be having flashbacks and they were coming more frequently.

"Sam, we have a lot to talk about." Ed said angrily. He couldn't believe that Sam was still trying to deny that something was wrong when it was so blatantly obvious. "And we'll do that in your apartment."

As they climbed the stairs, Sam couldn't help the sense of dread he felt. He also couldn't help the strong urge to bolt down the hall and to the back stairs. He knew one or both of the men on either side of him could probably catch him, it was the running tackle he wanted to avoid.

When they reached his door, Sam tried again. He stopped and faced Greg and Ed. "Look, I know you're concerned, but there isn't any need. It was just a couple of misunderstandings, that's all. I'm fine."

Ed shook his head and his blue eyes flashed. "Open the door." He growled.

Greg looked at Ed and put a hand on his shoulder. "I know that's what you want us to think Sam, but you and I both know the truth."

Sam looked at them and could see the stubborn determination on their faces. He also saw understanding and worry which made him turn and unlock his door. He stepped in, threw his keys on the table next to the door and walked into the living room. "You want a drink or anything?" He asked over his shoulder. He walked around the corner to the kitchen and opened the fridge. All he had was leftovers from the Chinese hHe and Jules had a couple nights ago, before.. He lifted his head and looked back to see Greg leaning against the wall to his room.

"I'm good." Greg watched Sam stuck his head back in the fridge. He was stalling. He wondered why Sam was so hesitant to talk about what was going on with him. "C'mon." He tipped his head back to the couch where Ed was sitting, watching them.

We a sigh, Sam closed the fridge door, straightened, followed Greg back to the living room and sat in s black swivel chair.


	7. Chapter 7

Greg sat on the opposite end of the couch from Ed and looked at Sam in his black chair expectantly. After nearly 30 seconds of silence, and Sam not looking at either of them, he tipped his head down, trying to catch Sam's eye. "Sam." He said gently. "What's going on?"

Sam picked his feet up and put them on the edge of the chair so that his knees were close to his chest.

"Talk to us, Sam. You know as well as I do that's the only way that we can help you." Ed looked at Sam, worry in his eyes. He'd never seen Sam act this way. He shook his head. "Is it Kovacs?"

Greg looked at Ed when they didn't get an answer. "Sam. Look at me."

With a sigh, Sam looked at Greg. "What?" He answered with attitude.

"You aren't acting like yourself Sam and we need to know why. You know we just want to help you." Greg pressed.

"I'm fine." Sam answered flatly. They'll kick me off the team if I tell them, he thought. His head started pounding and he put a palm to the side of his head. "Look, I didn't get much sleep last night. I'm sorry about the call at the library today. I didn't think lack of sleep would effect me like that. I promise it won't happen again. I just need to get some sleep, hopefully get rid of this headache." He looked Greg. "I go to visit Matt sometimes. It's not a big deal. The incident in the cemetery was just a misunderstanding. That's all."

Ed narrowed his eyes at Sam, not sure if he believed him. "You're sure that's all it is?" He sighed through his nose. "Lack of sleep?"

Sam nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry Ed."

Greg watched Sam's face as he spoke. He could accept Sam's excuse, as it was, but something was telling him that there was more to it. He leaned back against the couch. He couldn't let Sam come back to work, it could be a risk to the team. They still had three days left of their shift this week. "Ok Sam. I understand. So I need you to take the next couple days off, ok? Get some sleep and re energize. Come back on Friday."

"We'll be checking in, so keep your phone on you." Ed added.

Sam ran a hand through his hair and nodded. Good, he thought, I can get some sleep and that'll fix it. I just need sleep. He stood, suddenly very tired. "Ok."

Ed and Greg both stood. They followed Sam to the front door.

Greg patted Sam's shoulder as he walked past. "We'll be in touch."

Sam nodded, relieved that they were willing to accept his explanation. He closed the door and was walking to his room when his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket looked at the ID and answered it while he sat on the bed. "Hello?"

" _Hello Samuel." The General was sipping his fourth coffee of the day, knowing he wouldn't be able to leave his office until very late tonight_.

"Good day Sir." Sam undid the laces on his shoes. Suddenly Sam's heart skipped a beat. "Is mom ok? Nat?"

" _Yes, they're both fine. How are you?" Winston Braddock turned his chair to the window and leaned back. He knew this wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation, it never was with Samuel, but he had tell him_.

Sam frowned. "Sir?" His father never asked how he was. Something was up. "What's wrong?"

 _Winston sighed. He never could get anything past Samuel. Although if he and Lizzie had called their son more often, Samuel wouldn't suspect his only reason for calling was bad news. Everything seemed to go so wrong after Sara died. He stiffened his shoulders and put on his military voice. "I'm glad I caught you off shift. I have bad news. Sergeant Tony Johnson code name Craze was killed in action last night. I know you served together for almost your whole first tour. He was a good man and respected soldier. He is being returned home to Hamilton tomorrow. The service is on Friday, 1300. I expect you will go to the funeral, I will arrange transport_ -"

"No." Sam shook his head. "I'll take care of it. Thank you for calling Sir."

 _Winston's heart hurt for his son. He knew what it was like to lose a unit mate. Poor Samuel had had his share during his tours with JTF2. He put a hand on the phone and looked up, seeking guidance. Lizzie would know what to say. He was too set in his stiff upper lip military upbringing to show Samuel the kind of tenderness and support he deserved in this moment. He had to say something and the only thing he could think of was, "very well. I'll tell your mother you said hello. Good bye." He put the phone back on the base and silently kicked himself for being so distant_.

"Bye." Sam hit the button on his phone and stared at it. "No. Tony." He put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. After the tears finally stopped several minutes later, he wiped his face and went into the bathroom. He blew his nose several times, walked into the bedroom and stopped in front of the mirror over his dresser. He looked at the picture of his first unit in JTF2. The group of seven were dirty, but smiling. It made him smile as he went down the line of men. It was him, Matt, Shane, Kevin, Atlas, Tony and Keith. He stopped and looked at Tony's smiling face.

He shook his head and leaned back from the picture. He couldn't believe that Tony was gone. Anger welled in him and he kicked the dresser with the ball of his foot. He immediately pulled it back and yowled in pain. He picked his foot up and looked at it. Blood welled from the cut on the ball of his foot. He walked on the heel of his injured foot and hobbled to the bathroom. He grabbed some bandages from the medicine cabinet and fixed up his foot.

Sam walked carefully back into his bedroom and flopped on his bed. He put his fists to his face and cried for his fallen friend. He opened his eyes a while later and realized he'd fallen asleep. He got up, took off his jeans, flipped the light off and climbed back into bed. It only took seconds for him to fall asleep.

##########

 _The team stood around him as he tried one last time to get Darren Kovacs to surrender. He had just told Darren about Ben, something he felt he had to do to make Kovacs know he understood. Yes their wars were different, but he knew how it felt to be responsible for your friend's death._

 _"I got nothing here. I got nothin' to see me through." Kovacs said desolately._

 _"I thought it was over for me too Darren. I know ok, I know. But I found a different place to go, a different person to be, that's why I'm here so let me help you." Please, Sam thought._

 _"What was your first name again Braddock?"_

 _"It's Sam."_

 _"I'm tired Sam."_

 _"Then let's get some rest. Let's do this together."_

 _"Ok."_

 _"Alright Darren, I need you, I need you to put down your gun."_

 _"Ok I will."_

 _"I need you to come to the bottom of the escalators, concession area." Sam looked at the team._

 _"No,"_

 _"Darren."_

 _"Center Ice. It has to be you."_

 _Ed looked at Sam and shook his head. "Too exposed."_

 _"Darren I can't."_

 _"Center ice."_

 _Sam worked his jaw. It was the only way. "I'll be there."_

 _Next thing he knew, he was walking into the ring with Wordy and Spike as cover. Spike stayed back while he and Wordy walked towards a man that was dressed in a vest and ball cap. "Darren, it's me, it's Sam." He tipped his head down, trying to see the man's face, but the man didn't look up. "You made the right decision. We're going to get through this."_

 _"I'm here! You see Sam. I'm a good soldier." A familiar voice said behind them._

 _"I'm a good soldier. I'm a good soldier." It kept echoing in his head as he saw Darren holding his gun to Spike's head._

 _"Stop. What're you doing? You don't have to do this. I promise you we can get through this. You just have to stay with me. Stay with me. Darren!" He screamed as Darren moved forward and said: "see you on the other side" and pointed his gun. He kneeled next to Darren's body, filled with anger. "He wasn't going to shoot. HE WASN'T GOING TO SHOOT ME!" He yelled._

 _Suddenly there was a loud ringing and he put a hand to his ear._

##########

Sam sat up in bed and looked at the clock, 0900. Whoa, I just slept 16 hours straight, he thought. How the hell? He felt groggy even though he'd slept like a rock with just a few dreams. He heard the ringing again, leaned down and grabbed his jeans. He pulled his phone from his pocket and look eat the caller ID, Jules. He hit the button. "Hello?"

 _Jules frowned. He sounded groggy and not like himself. "Hey. I just wanted to check in, see how you're doing_."

"I'm good. No hot calls yet?" Sam asked.

 _Nice try, Jules thought. Deflection is not going to work. "Did you just wake up_?"

"Uh, yeah. I guess I needed it. How was workout?" He sat at the end of the bed and rubbed his hand over his stubbly chin. I need to shave, he thought.

" _Good. Ed ran us through the gauntlet. So, Sarge said you had a headache. Has it gone away yet_?"

"Yeah it's fine. Did anyone beat my gauntlet time? I know Wordy was gunning for it since it was his record I broke." Sam stood, went to his dresser, pulled out his sweats and favorite beat up workout shirt. The guys always picked on him when he wore it, but he didn't care. It was hole-filled and the collar was falling apart, but it was from the first concert he ever went to with Natalie. He would never get rid of it, not until it fell apart completely.

 _Jules sighed and walked into her locker room. "Sam_?"

"Yeah?"

 _She walked to the bench by her locker and sat down. "Can we cut the crap?"_

 _Greg stopped with his knuckles less than an inch from Jules' locker room and smiled. She had said she was going to make a call, but she had disappeared and he wanted to be sure she was ok. It didn't surprise him that she was checking on Sam. They'd all been very worried about him. He was glad she was concerned. It made him smile big that Jules was obviously calling Sam out. He wondered if it was for yesterday or that he was stonewalling her now_.

Sam raised his brows. "Uh, ok." He nearly laughed out loud, but he held it in. This was one of the things he loved about Jules, she always spoke her mind. Wait, did he just think of love and Jules in the same sentence? He half-smiled. I guess there isn't any reason to deny it, he thought. I've loved her since the moment I saw her.

" _We're friends right_?"

"Yeah?"

" _So what's going on_?"

Sam frowned. "What do you mean?"

" _C'mon. You and I both know you hate games. You didn't want to hang out. You blacked out or hallucinated during a call. Then you're part of an incident with a possible gun. So what. Is. Going. On_?"

Sam sighed. Could he tell her the truth? She'd have to tell the Boss and Ed and he could lose his job. No. He couldn't lose them all, especially Jules. "Like I told Ed and the Boss, I didn't get much sleep and it had a bad effect I wasn't expecting. And yeah I had a headache but it's gone. I'm fine. I'm going to call the Sarge and Ed and see if I can meet up with you guys."

 _Jules felt she was getting to know Sam pretty well and she was that sure that he wasn't telling the truth. She also knows how much the team means to him and if it was something that would threaten his job he would definitely hide it. She wasn't sure what to do. Should she push him? And if it is something that threatens his job, could she keep it to herself? "Nah, better to rest up. You feel like getting burritos tonight_?"

"Uh, maybe. I'll call you later, ok?" Sam was relieved Jules didn't push the issue, but he knew she'd ask again later. He hated to keep putting her off, especially now that they weren't dating. He was afraid maybe she would think he didn't want to be friends.


	8. Chapter 8

"Um, yeah, ok." Jules dipped her head down. "Bye."

"See ya." Sam looked at his phone guiltily and hit the button. He hated to leave it like that. He felt a strong urge to call her back and say he'd see her tonight, but he put the phone on his dresser and went to the bathroom.

##### SRU HQ #####

Greg waited a minute after she ended the call and knocked on the locker room door.

"Decent!" Jules called and then smiled. She knew it was one of the guys coming to check on her and her bet was it was the Boss.

"Hey Jules." Greg said in his fatherly way as he walked in. "You ok?"

Jules nodded. "Yeah. I called to check on Sam."

"How is he?" He sat on the bench next to her and gave her a concerned look.

"Uh, he's ok I guess." Jules looked at him.

"You guess?" He lifted a brow.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I know you said he told you he was tired and had a headache, but that was it? Nothing else?"

"No, nothing else. What did he say just now?"

Jules shook her head. "He was completely evasive, gave short answers and changed the subject at least three times."

Greg nodded. "I'm not sure what's going on with him, but there's something he isn't telling us."

"Definitely. So what do we do? He shuts down if we push too hard." Jules asked.

"We just keep trying to get through to him. Not being able to work is a big motivator. I don't want to have to do that, but if it's the only way, I will." He put a hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah he said he was going to call you to see if he could work today." Jules looked down at her phone, worry creasing her face.

"Hey. He'll be ok. We won't let him fall." Greg tipped his head down to look at Jules. "C'mon." He tipped his head towards the door. He stood when she did and they walked to the gun range where the others were getting in some practice.

##### Jean Luc Robillarde Memorial Park #####

Sam stopped on the trail, his breath coming in gasps. He ran as hard and as fast as he could to this trail. It was one of his favorites. It was a long, winding path through the wooded area of the eight acre park. He had to stop because he'd run four of the seven miles of the trail at top speed and it felt like his lungs were about to explode.

He moved to the side of the trail and leaned an arm against a tree. Craze, how could you, he thought. How could you let them get you? He sat down with his back leaning against the tree and looked down the trail the way he just came.

##########

They were pinned and taking fire. Shadow looked to his left and saw Dolittle taking care of Scout who was down with three bullet wounds. "Dammit." He looked to his right and traded glances with Craze. He stuck his neck out a bit and could see Beast on the other side of Craze, trading bullets with the enemy. Where was Remnant?

"Shadow." Matt whispered from behind Sam.

Sam turned slightly and met eyes with Matt. Relief flooded him at the sight of his best friend. "You ok?" He didn't like the pained expression Matt wore.

"Took one to the leg." Matt grunted. He put a hand to his right calf and pressed to try to stave the flow.

Sam was about to move back to Matt when the rock he was hiding behind was hit by three bullets. They ricocheted off the face and bounced harmlessly away. He ducked down and once the bullets stopped he leaned out a little and returned fire. He looked over at Dolittle and gritted his teeth when he saw the look on the medic's face.

With a shake of the head, Dolittle confirmed the question in Shadow's eyes. He looked down at Scout and put a hand over the kid's face, closing his eyes. "Sorry kid." He whispered.

"Dolittle, Remnant's been hit." Sam said. He could see that Dolittle was taking Scout's death hard. It was the third person they'd lost from their unit in the last six months. He knew he'd have to make sure Dolittle was ok later, IF they made it out. He looked sideways to Craze, who nodded.

"We gotta get outta here. We're getting low on ammo, Scout's dead and Remnant is injured." Craze looked from Remnant to Beast.

"Any ideas?"

##########

"About what?" Hannah furrowed her brows at the blonde man who seemed to be talking to people that weren't there. She was just running along, listening to her music when she saw the cute blonde sitting with his back against a tree and facing her. He looked like he was in pain or worried so she stopped. She thought he was talking to her but she realized he wasn't looking at her when he was talking and he was using weird names. "Uh, are you ok?"

Sam looked at the person in front of him. "Where did you come from?" He looked around frantically. "Get down. Take cover." He waved his hand at her to get low.

Hannah's heart kicked into high gear and she went down to her knees. "What's going on?" She looked at him.

"Quiet! You wanna get us shot?" He looked to his right and had a confused look on his face. "Where did she come from? Is she a friendly? Yeah, I guess. Hate to have the extra person to keep track- Ok. Yes sir." He looked at her, pointed his gun at her and used one hand to motion her forward.

Hannah looked at him oddly, but moved within two feet of him. Why was he pointing his phone at her like a gun? Something is wrong with this guy, she thought. She reached back towards her pocket for her phone and was surprised when he lunged at her, grabbed her wrists and twisted them behind her. "Agh!" She lay on her stomach on the dirt path. "Let me go! What's wrong with you?" She turned back to look at him.

Sam growled at her. "Be quiet or I will do it for you." He looked at Craze and nodded. He looked over the girl's head and smiled at Matt. "Think you can walk?" He nodded. "Yeah not much choice I guess." He turned to his right again. "Beast you got Scout? Dolittle will have to help Remnant." He listened for a moment. "Roger." He stood slowly, pulling her up with him. He turned and walked into the woods, pulling the girl by her wrist.

Wordy watched as Sam walked into the woods with the woman. He looked at Spike standing next to him. They were about ten feet from Sam when they had stopped to watch his weird behavior.

"What the hell?" Spike looked at Wordy with furrowed brows. They had just come down the path looking for Sam. They'd stopped at his apartment and his neighbor said he'd left on a run about 30 minutes ago. They knew he was probably on this trail, it was his favorite and they'd run it together several times.

"Boss, we've got a problem. We're at the north end of the Woods Walk in Robillarde Park and are following Sam into the woods, heading east. Looks like he has a hostage. Our GPS is on." Wordy nodded to Spike and they walked into the woods where Sam and the woman entered.

"What?" Greg frowned and looked at Ed who stepped on the gas and flipped on the lights.

"We stopped at Sam's to see how he was, but a neighbor said he went for a run so we came to this trail. It's his favorite." Wordy said quietly as they kept Sam and the woman in view, but stayed back.

"We found him, but-" Spike looked at Wordy, "he was acting funny."

"What do you mean, funny?" Jules asked as she rushed to the park.

"It looked like he was talking and listening to people that weren't there. Then he grabbed this woman's wrist that was holding on the ground and took off into the woods." Wordy explained. They stopped and hid behind a couple trees when Sam stopped. Wordy looked at Spike and motioned that he was going to check. He moved his head to the edge of the tree until he could see. He motioned to Spike it was ok to move. They could see Sam about 15 feet ahead of them, pulling the hostage along.

"Jules, you close to the east side of the park?" Spike whispered.

"Yeah, I'm a block away." She answered.

"Good, cover as much of the east side as you can so they can't get out that way, but be careful." Spike nodded as they climbed over a fallen log. "They're heading that way."

"We'll come in from the northeast corner." Ed said as he drove down the north side of the park. He looked at Greg. "I know you probably don't want to answer this, but should we have Winnie start a hot call?"

Greg shook his head. No he didn't want to answer that, but he did. "Not yet, let's find out what's going on first."

##### woods near east end of park #####

"Sir, please, what's going on?" Hannah pleaded as he pulled her along.

Sam looked back and gave her a quelling look. "Quiet."

"Please let me go." Hannah's voice wavered.

Sam stopped short and pulled her arm up, causing her to yelp. He looked ahead of them, gave a low whistle and looked back at her. "I'm keeping you safe. I need you to trust me. We're going to get you to safety, but I need you to stay quiet and follow me, ok?"

Hannah looked into the expressive blue eyes and could see he was serious. He thought they were in some kind of danger and he was trying to protect her. It seemed like he was the one in trouble, not her. She could see in those eyes that he wasn't going to hurt her. She wasn't sure if she should play along, but she wanted to help. "Ok." She nodded. She looked behind them and saw two men in tactical gear following them at a distance. She met eyes with the brown haired one and nodded. She hoped they understood. When the blonde turned and started walking, she followed.

Wordy looked at Spike. "She's following him voluntarily." He said confused.

"She saw us. I think she realizes something's wrong, that he isn't going to hurt her." Spike nodded.

"Are you sure Spike?" Greg asked as they got out of the SUV at the northeast corner of the park.

"Yeah of course. Sam wouldn't hurt her, we know that. I think maybe she's trying to help him." Spike nodded when Wordy motioned for them to follow. "We're on the move. He's headed straight for the east edge of the park. Jules? What's your eta?"

"I'm at the southeast corner, moving into the woods." Jules said in a low tone as she walked at an angle towards the middle of the park, gun at the ready although she kept them angled down.

"Go careful team." Greg looked at Ed as they moved in at an angle to eventually meet up with Jules.


	9. Chapter 9

Sam heard movement ahead of him and put up a fist.

Hannah looked up at the movement and stopped just behind him. She peeked out from his right shoulder and could see two people coming towards them. They looked like they were in tactical gear and had large guns in their hands. She looked behind them and could see the two men had stopped about 15 feet behind them. Her heart sped up. "Maybe they want to help." She put a hand on his shoulder and whispered.

He looked back at her and pointed to a large tree two feet away. "Hide."

She nodded and sat with her back against the tree. She looked at him when he sat next to her.

"Jules, we can see you and so can he. They're hunkered down behind a tree. Ed, you got us on the GPS?" Wordy asked as he and Spike kneeled behind a fallen log.

"Copy." Jules answered.

"On our way to you." Ed looked at the tracker. He looked at Greg, worry clouding his blue eyes. "How're we going to do this?"

Greg shook his head. "Not sure. Have to play it by ear." As they moved through the forest, Greg said, "Wordy, I want you to take lead on this. He responded to you yesterday. I think he'll respond today but we gotta take it slow, figure out what's going on."

"Copy." Wordy looked at Spike and they moved forward.

Sam heard a soft crunch behind him and whipped his head around. His heart hammered in his chest. They are surrounded. He looked to his left, but Dolittle, Scout, Beast and Remnant were gone. "Remnant?" He whispered. He looked to his left and saw Craze hiding behind a tree five feet away. He heard the crunch again and looked at the two men. "I would rather die than let you take us." He yelled at them.

Jules froze. She was ten feet from the tree Sam and the woman were sitting behind. Jules took cover behind two trees that grew together that gave he a view of either side of the tree if she moved from one tree to the other.

"Why do you say that?" Wordy stood, and placed his gun on the log as he did so.

"Because it's true. I will kill her, Craze and myself before I let you take us alive. I'm not doing that again." Sam called. He looked behind them and didn't see the people there anymore. "Call off your friends. I know they're there." He put a hand in his pocket.

Wordy put a hand up. "I need you to keep your hands out of your pockets, please." He said urgently, then, "everyone hold."

Ed and Greg took cover behind a tree to the side of Sam and the woman.

Sam took his hand out of his pocket.

"Ok? No one is moving. Is the woman with you ok?" Wordy looked at her. She didn't seem injured.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just worried about my friend here." Hannah said and nodded her head.

"What about you? You ok?" Wordy hitched his chin at Sam.

"Yeah. I'm good." Sam looked around him, but couldn't see anyone else. He knew they were there somewhere, ready to pounce on them.

"Who is Craze?" Wordy frowned.

"Huh. Wouldn't you like to know." Sam said incredulously.

"They seem nice. Maybe they can help you." Hannah whispered.

Sam looked at her like she had three heads. "No, they aren't. They're terrorists and they're going to torture us to death. I'm not going to let that happen." He looked past her. "Craze? Craze!" He looked around frantically then at the bald man with the kind blue eyes. "What did you do with Craze?"

"I haven't seen him. Was he just here? Did he run off?" Wordy turned away for a moment. "Boss?"

"No one else here Wordy." Ed stated.

"No one could've gotten past us. He must be hallucinating." Jules answered. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her fears for Sam. What could be causing this?

Wordy turned back to Sam. "Sam, what's going on buddy?"

"You took him! You god damned terrorists! He has a wife and kids and you took him away! How could you?" Sam put a hand to his head, then looked up, rage darkening his blue eyes. "WHY?" He screamed.

Hannah put a hand on his back and then pulled him into her arms. "It's ok." She soothed. "Who's gone?"

Wordy walked towards them so that he was mere feet from them. "Come on." He whispered to the woman and put his hand out to her.

"He's gone. They're both gone." Sam sobbed.

"Shh." Hannah put a hand on his neck. She looked away from the officer, shook her head and put her chin on he man's shoulder.

Wordy backed up a little and went to one knee. "Sam." He said softly. "Please, talk to me." He took his earpiece out and held it up. "See?"

Sam looked up and realized Wordy was kneeling in the dirt two feet from him. He felt soft arms around him and was glad Jules was here to hold him since he was so confused. He looked up and realized he was looking at a complete stranger. He pulled back from her. "Who are you?"

She pulled back and looked at him, confused. "I'm Hannah. Do you remember the last 30 minutes?"

He looked back at Wordy. "What's going on?" Sam wiped his face, realizing it was wet. What the hell?

Wordy frowned. He doesn't remember? He looked at the woman. "Thanks for your help Hannah. Would you mind giving us a minute? My boss would like to talk to you. Boss?" He leaned back and looked at the tree Ed and Greg were hiding behind.

Greg walked out as Hannah nodded, stood and walked to the man wearing an SRU ball cap. "Hey Hannah. I'm Greg Parker with the Police Strategic Response Unit. Would you come with me?"

Again, Hannah nodded and followed Greg out of the forest.

Wordy moved forward and sat next to Sam with his knees bent and arms resting on them. He looked down and then up at Sam. "Who's gone?"

Sam hung his head, confused, embarrassed and unsure why. "Did I hurt her?"

Wordy looked to Spike who was sitting on the log, waiting. "No." He shook his head. "She's fine. Maybe a sore wrist where you grabbed it. It seemed like she was trying to help you." He let that hang in the air a minute before he sighed. "You didn't answer my question."

"Uh, I got a call from the General earlier." Sam paused and looked up at the sky letting his head rest on the tree. "My former JTF2 Sergeant was killed in action yesterday."

"Craze."

Sam nodded. "Tony Johnson. He was my Sarge during my first tour in Afghanistan." He slowly moved his head back and forth, the tears falling down his cheeks. "Besides Matt, he was one of my closest friends, and he-he's gone."

Wordy put a hand on Sam's back. "I'm so sorry. Did the General say what happened?"

"No." Sam scoffed. "He couldn't."

"If you want, I'll go to the funeral with you if you go." Wordy offered.

Sam looked at him. "You would? What about Shel and the girls?"

"Don't worry about it. They'll be fine. Shel can handle things for a couple days." Wordy smiled. He moved his hand to Sam's far shoulder and pulled him closer. "So what happened with Hannah?"

"She followed me. I was, um, really upset so she probably just wanted to be sure I was ok." Sam wiped his eyes and shrugged, hoping Wordy would buy it. He couldn't really remember what just happened. He wasn't sure how he ended up in the woods.

Wordy watched Sam's face as he spoke. "That's all?"

Sam shrugged and stood. "Yeah. Is the rest of the team here?" He waivered when he stood and put a hand on the tree.

"Easy. Yeah they are. You feel dizzy?" Wordy stood and put a steadying hand on Sam's shoulder.

"A little." Sam put his hand on Wordy.

"Ok, take a sec." Wordy looked at Jules who walked to them. He motioned for her to stay put. He didn't want Sam to feel crowded right now. He looked around for Ed and assumed that he went with the Boss to talk to the witness.

Jules watched Sam for a moment and was relieved to see him seemingly normal. It confused and scared her to see Sam like this. After a few moments and Sam was able to raise his head, she put a hand on his shoulder. "You ok Sam?"

"Yep. Fine." Sam nodded and gave her a small smile. He saw Spike join them and suddenly felt uncomfortable. He looked at Wordy. "I'm not feeling good. Can you take me home?"

Wordy raised his brows and nodded. "Yeah, absolutely." He tipped his head to the side and they walked out of the group and back towards the trail.

Spike looked at Jules and put a hand on her shoulder. "You ok?" He could see she wasn't, none of them were. Was Sam hallucinating? If so, what triggered it? Why wasn't Sam letting them help him?

Jules nodded. "I've never seen him like that. It's not like him at all. I don't understand why he won't talk to us. Did you see how uncomfortable he got the more people that were near him?"

"I know. It's scary, but I think he'll talk to Wordy." Spike gave her a small smile. "He's a good big brother."

She smiled at the mention of Wordy's brotherly/fatherly love and concern for his teammates.

Spike tipped his head to the side. "Let's get outta here."

Jules frowned at him. "Nervous?"

"Woods." Spike shivered as he looked around.

Jules laughed as they started walking back to the SUVs.

Spike looked at her incredulously. "I was set on fire the last time!"

"Oh I know." She bumped into him playfully. "For weeks after you wouldn't let us go on any calls in the woods without fire extinguishers. I still have three in my SUV.

They laughed lightly, but it faded as they climbed into the SUV.

##### Wordy's SUV #####

Wordy looked at Sam. It'd been complete silence from Sam since they started walking back to the trail and then to the SUV. He sighed through his nose. It was going to be tough to get Sam to talk if he didn't want to. "Do you need me to stop at a pharmacy on the way?"

"No thanks. I have headache stuff at home." Sam looked out the window. What the hell was happening to him? Now it involved another stranger? He was lucky he didn't do anything to hurt her. He would've never forgiven himself. He was glad that he told Wordy about Craze. It hurt so much to know that his friend and mentor was gone. A tear slipped down his cheek.

"How long did you and Craze serve together?" Wordy asked.

"Nearly a year. I got transferred to another unit after we lost several rookies in the span of six months. The other units called us muerte segura." Sam looked at Wordy. "Certain death." (Spanish) He looked back out the window. "They re-assigned us. They thought we were doing crazy risky crap that got our rookies killed. They investigated, but we were cleared."

"We're the rookies being careless?"

Sam shook his head. "No. I was."


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: hey guys! So I realized I made a continuity error. I had Lew included in this story and unfortunately he passed away before this story took place. (He died season 2 episode 14 and this is just before season 3. Season 2 had 22 episodes.) I'm a little surprised no one else caught this, but c'est la vie!**

"I was just running down the path when I saw him sitting with his back against a tree." Hannah stood by the SUV with Greg.

"What was he doing?"

"He-" Hannah looked away, unsure if she should tell him.

Greg put a hand on her shoulder. "It's ok. We're his friends and co-workers. We only want to help him."

"He works for the SRU?" Hannah frowned, but understood. She'd worked with a few officers from 32nd division that needed a counselor after some tough calls. "Is Dr. Lauria still working there?"

It was Greg's turn to frown. "No, she moved away." He was curious about how she knew Dr. Lauria, but if she was a client he didn't want to intrude on her personal life. "So what was Sam doing when you saw him?"

"He was having a very powerful hallucination. He saw and talked to people who weren't there. He was very surprised when I walked up to him and told me to get down. He said the terrorists would torture and kill us if they caught us and I needed to be quiet."

Greg looked down while she talked and saw that her wrist had red marks on it. He looked at her and she put her other hand over her wrist. "Did he do that?" He hitched his chin at her wrist.

Hannah looked at him and shook her head. "No."

"Officers Wordsworth and Scarlatti said they saw him grab your wrists."

Hannah sighed. "Ok, yes he grabbed my wrists, but I'm fine." She looked at him with meaning. "I'm not going to press charges. He obviously needs help and charges won't do anything but cause more stress." When Greg opened his mouth to speak she continued on. "Look, I'm a counselor, that's why I didn't leave Sam when Wordy asked me to. I knew he needed me then and I would love to be able to help him now. I've worked with officers with PTSD. Please Sergeant Parker."

Greg was taken aback by the woman's offer. She was just taken hostage and injured by a stranger and instead of being angry she was offering to help. "Thank you Hannah. That'd be great. Hold on a sec, ok?" When she nodded he turned and stepped away from her. He took out his phone and hit the speed dial for Wordy.

##### Wordy's SUV #####

Wordy heard his phone ring and grabbed it from his pocket. He saw it was the Boss and hit the button as he looked at Sam. "Hey Boss."

Sam looked at Wordy, a stab of fear shooting through him. Was the Boss calling to tell Wordy that he was done with the SRU? No, he'd do that himself, he thought. Maybe the Sarge was telling Wordy to stay with me so he could come fire me himself? Sam looked out the window as they raced down his street.

"Hey Wordy. How's Sam?"

"About the same." Wordy pulled up next to Sam's apartment and put the SUV in park. He looked at Sam who was pulling on the handle. "Hold on a sec Sam." He put his free hand on Sam's shoulder.

Sam nodded and looked out the window.

"Are you at his apartment?"

"Yeah. Just pulled up."

"Good. The woman he, uh, Hannah is a counselor so I'm hoping that maybe Sam will talk to her."

"Sounds good. Can you give us an hour?"

"Yeah sure. I'll talk to the Commander and have the others run drills. Team Four should be able to cover. We need to figure out what's happening with Sam and help him through it."

"Copy that." Wordy looked at Sam who was staring out the window.

"See you in an hour."

"Ok." He turned in his seat. "Ready?"

Sam looked at him. "I could've waited for you upstairs." He said incredulously.

"True, but then you could've locked me out."

"I just want to go to bed." Sam looked back out the window. He hoped that would make Wordy let him be for awhile. Whatever was happening to him was starting to freak him out. He remembered bits and pieces this time.

"Let's go." Wordy tipped his head, unlocked the doors, flipped off the child locks and they climbed out.

Sam climbed out and walked into the building, Wordy next to him. They walked past the stairs and into the waiting elevator. When they got to his floor, they got out and walked down the hall to his apartment. A moment later they were in his apartment. He put his keys on the table by the door and walked straight for his bedroom.

Wordy saw Sam heading to the bedroom and said, "do you have any soda or water?" He hid a smile when Sam turned from the bedroom and headed around the corner to the kitchen. He walked forward and sat on the couch. He watched Sam get a glass from the overhead cupboard.

"Tap water ok?" Sam asked. He knew what Wordy was trying to do and it annoyed him a little. He was fine now wasn't he? When he heard Wordy say "ok" he turned on the tap. As he watched the water fill the cup, he was suddenly very thirsty. He grabbed another glass from the cupboard and filled one for himself. He brought the two glasses to the living room and sat in his black chair. He looked at Wordy expectantly as he drank half the glass and put it on the coffee table.

After drinking nearly the whole glass of water, Wordy put it on the coffee table. He could see that Sam was waiting for him to say something. "Did your dad say when and where the funeral is going to be?"

Sam nodded. "Hamilton on Friday."

"So you said you served together for nearly a year?"

"Yeah." Again Sam nodded, his face passive although he felt a stab in his heart when he thought about his friend.

"You don't want to talk about it." Wordy sat back on the couch and put his right ankle on his left knee, his hands on his lap. When Sam didn't say anything, he nodded. "I understand. It's hard right now to even accept that he's gone."

Sam blew out a breath. "I'm not a subject."

"No, but you are my friend and I'm trying to talk to you that way. I've lost people too, I know it's hard. But, you and I both know that talking about it helps." Wordy raised a brow at him.

"I know." Sam sat forward, put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. After a moment he sniffed. "I'm not a good friend. I haven't talked to him in at least eight months. He was home again last month, but I- I was dealing with- with what was happening with Mikaela, I told him I couldn't." He sniffed again, shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm-"

"Sam, stop. You are a good friend. I know that from personal experience, ok? You've been there for me, Shel and my kids more times than I can count. You've been there for every person on this team when they needed you." Wordy interrupted.

"But I wasn't to him!" Sam said angrily. "I abandoned him and it was the last time I would've- I could've said goodbye."

"You wouldn't have known-" Wordy shook his head, his brows furrowing.

"No, but at least I could've talked to him. Hug him one last time." Sam put a hand up and then clasped them together in front of him resting his forehead on his thumbs and forefingers. "I'll never get to talk to him again, tell him what an awful Sergeant he was." He let a half smile play on his face. He looked up, dropped his hands so his arms were resting on his knees and saw the question on Wordy's face.

"It was a running joke we had. Besides the Boss, he was the best Sergeant I got to serve under. He got kind of a big head about it though so I would tell him he was terrible to try to keep him grounded, but really it was to bust his chops. Once I got out and we got the chance to see each other, our goodbye ritual was for me to tell him: work on being a better Sergeant. Then he'd say: get right on that Master Corporal." He let a small chuckle escape, grabbed a tissue from the table next to him and wiped his nose.

"Sounds like you had quite the bond." Wordy nodded and leaned back.

"He saved Matt and I's butts more than once." Sam looked down at his hands. "He couldn't save Matt from me."

"That was an accident."

"I know, I just-"

"It makes you think about your JTF2 days." Wordy said, understanding.

"Yeah." Sam leaned back, nodding.

"So tell me more about Tony. Did he have a family?"

They talked in length about Tony, his family and even some of the fun and laughter he and Sam were able to share while trudging through the desert. It brought a smile to Sam's face which relieved Wordy. It surprised them when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." Wordy stood and walked to the opened the door and smiled at Greg and Hannah. "Hey guys." He turned and looked at Sam. "Ok if they come in?"

Sam looked at the woman and realized it was the one he grabbed and dragged into the woods. He nodded and looked away, embarrassed.

Hannah smiled at Wordy and walked to Sam. She stuck out her hand. "Hi. We didn't meet officially. I'm Hannah."

"Hi." Sam shook her hand and gave her a small smile. When she sat down across from him, he sat back and then forward again. "I'm sorry I dragged you into the woods. I-" He looked down, his cheeks getting pink.

With a shake of the head and a wave of the hand, Hannah dismissed his embarrassment. "Don't worry about it Sam, I'm just glad you're ok."

He looked at her, concern in his eyes. "Are _you_ ok?"

"I'm ok." She smiled and nodded.

"Good." Sam said relieved.

"I appreciate your concern. I was wondering if you could explain what happened." She tipped her head to the side.

"Um. I'm not really sure." He turned and looked at Greg and Wordy.

"It's ok. I was telling your Sergeant that I'm a counselor. So maybe it was fate that I was on that trail today. Maybe I was meant to be there so that I can help you." She said gently.

Sam looked at back at her. He'd been trained in Special Forces to be able to deceive the enemy when interrogated. He'd used it more than once with SIU and on Dr. Lauria. He had come to an understanding with Amanda Lauria. She earned his trust her and he knew she would never break it. He missed her. As he looked at Hannah, he could see she was sincere.

"Your friends are worried about you Sam."


	11. Chapter 11

Sam sighed. "I know, but they don't have to be. I'm ok." He turned and looked at Greg and Wordy.

Greg walked forward and sat on a chair to Sam's right. "Sam." Greg shook his head slowly. "You're not ok. You've had at least two episodes of blacking out, hallucinating or both."

"No, I-I" Sam shook his head, frowned deeply and tried to remember what happened in the last two days. "I told you. I was over tired and had a headache. Then I got a call from the General that one of my good friends from JTF2 died. I'm, I just need some sleep and some time alone." He said, anger and frustration clouding his voice.

Wordy walked to Sam and put a hand on his shoulder. He looked at Greg and nodded, knowing what the Boss was going to say next.

Greg took a breath. Time for a reality check. "Sam. Look at me." When Sam's blue eyes flicked to his he held the younger man's gaze for a moment. "You know we need you on the team but night now, buddy, you can't." He tipped his head to the side. "You know that right?"

Sam looked away and nodded.

"If anything ever happened-" Wordy added.

"I know!" Sam said emphatically and looked at Greg. "I wouldn't put the team at risk." He ran a hand through his hair. "Honestly, I don't know what's going on. I can only remember bits and pieces."

"Well, that's a start." Hannah gave Sam a reassuring smile. "I know you don't know me, so I understand if you don't want to talk to me, but I'd really like to try to help you." She gave him an assessing look, trying to read him but he had put a mask up when she spoke. It's interesting, she thought, he lets his guard down quite a bit with his teammates, but not with a stranger. She could tell from her conversation with Greg that the team considered its members to be family and treated each other as such. She knew she had to try to gain his trust before he would open up to her, she wondered how.

##### SRU HQ gun cage #####

Jules growled in frustration as she dumped the handful of bullets back into the bin, lifted the counting bin and dumped it into the original. She picked up a handful of bullets and started counting into the now empty bin.

Spike looked at Jules when she growled and watched her restart the counting process. He knew she was worried and frustrated that they weren't at Sam's apartment trying to help him. He felt the same. He wanted to be anywhere but here, cleaning and organizing the gun cage.

Ed looked up from the organized climbing/rappelling equipment he was putting back in one of the backpacks. One side of his mouth lifted in a small smile when he heard Jules' frustration. He put the carabiners down and walked over to her. When she looked at him he hitched his chin at the bins. "How many is that?"

"What?" Jules frowned at him.

"How many times have you had to start over?" Ed's blue eyes flashed with concern and brother/fatherly love.

Jules looked down at the bullets in the counted bin. She blew a breath with her lip out causing it to lift her bangs up. "Four." She looked at the bullets again. "Damn it! Five." She emptied the bin with a shake of her head, mad at herself for being so distracted.

Ed put a hand on her arm when she put the empty bin back down. "Hey, he's gonna be ok."

"I just- I feel like I'm not **doing** anything by being here." Jules threw up a hand, palm out in frustration. "We should be there trying to help him." She looked at Ed, her voice on the edge of anger.

"Remember his body language in the woods today?" Spike put a hand on her other shoulder. "He was moving into fight or flight mode the more people that were around him."

"Yeah." Jules nodded.

"He needs us, just not all of us right now." Ed smiled reassuringly. "It's frustrating, not being able to be there, but we are helping him right now. We're giving him space to try to figure this out."

"True." Jules looked at Ed, appreciation in her eyes.

Spike put his arm around her, gave her a quick squeeze and walked back to the gridded wall and started putting hooks back in the holes so he could hang guns and equipment back up.

Jules smiled at Spike and watched him go back to work. She loved her chosen family. She just wished her actual family was as caring and supportive.

They all looked up when they heard the klaxon alarm go off and a hot call was called for Team Three.

Spike looked like a dog at the end of his chain when he heard it was a bomb threat on the nearby Elementary School. He grit his teeth and went back to what he was doing.

Donna stuck her head in the door to the gun cage. "Hey Spike."

Spike looked up, hope in his eyes.

With a knowing grin, Donna said, "we could use you and babycakes on this one. Sounds like they found at least four devices." She looked at Ed, "ok with you?"

Ed looked at Spike who looked so happy and hopeful he had to laugh. "Yeah," he shrugged, "fine by me. Just run it by the Commander."

"Will do." Donna nodded. She looked at Spike. "Suit up."

Spike's grin lit up his whole face. He patted Ed on the shoulder as he went by and called, "I'm comin' babycakes!"

Jules shook her head, chuckled and looked at Ed.

"Kid in a candy store." Ed laughed.

"Yep." She looked thoughtful and turned back to the bin. "DAMN IT! Six!" She picked up the bucket and dumped the bullets back into the bin with a deafening roar. She picked up a handful and started counting.

Donna stuck her head into the gun cage again. "Hey Ed, I cleared it with Halloren, we could use you and Jules too."

Ed looked at Jules, who threw the handful back into the full bin and started grabbing her gear. He smiled and looked at Donna. "Be right there."

##### Sam's apartment #####

"That's pretty scary for you isn't it Sam?" Hannah asked gently.

Sam looked at Greg, afraid to admit just how much his job and chosen family meant to him.

"It's ok." Hannah nodded. "There are no judgements being made here." When he looked at her she said, "when your teammates, who are also your friends, see you struggling, it makes them worry." She looked at Wordy. "Right?"

"Yes." Wordy sat cross legged on the floor to the left side of Sam. "Especially when I see someone who is usually very in control, so out of control. It makes me worry for my friend." He nodded, understanding what Hannah was trying to do.

"Sam, you're like a son to me." Greg took a breath and cleared his throat of the sudden emotion that caught there. "You are such an amazing person, friend and teammate. I trust you with my life. I'm so glad that you joined our team." He put a hand on Sam's shoulder, his eyes tearing.

Sam's eyes watered and overflowed. He wiped at them and looked at Hannah. "What do we do?"

Hannah smiled. "Well, first we should really be introduced properly. I know you're Sam, but what's your last name?"

"Braddock." Sam grabbed a tissue off the table next to him and blew his nose.

She cocked her head at him. "Braddock? Huh. That sounds familiar. I'm Hannah Bernstein." She put her hand out to him.

Sam shook her hand and then got a funny look on his face. "Bernstein? Not Hannah Bernstein from Buffalo, New York?!"

"Yeah. How did you know that?" Hannah looked at him questioningly.

"You dated my best friend Matt!" Sam brightened. He suddenly remembered Matt's description of her. Man, he was right. She is beautiful.

Hannah furrowed her brows. "No I never dated anyone named Matt."

"His full name was Benjamin Matthew Nealon, but we called him Matt. He was in the Special Forces with me." Sam said excitedly.

"Oh my god! Ben! Yes! Wow what a small world!" Hannah put a hand to her mouth, her eyebrows flew to the top of her head. She laughed and then looked at Sam, studying him. "You look different than I pictured you. The way Ben described you, I was expecting a brunette."

"You are exactly as Matt described you." Sam said, in awe of the coincidence.

Hannah ducked her head shyly but then picked it up. "So you're out of the Special Forces. Is Matt out too? I haven't seen him in **years**."

It was Sam's turn to bow his head. "No, uh, he died nearly three years ago in Afghanistan."

"Oh. I'm sorry Sam." Hannah reined in her enthusiasm for meeting the man that got away's friend. She returned to counselor mode. "I can't imagine how hard that must be for you."

"Thanks." Sam answered. "I go to visit his grave at least once a week and talk to him, so that helps a little."

"Good." She nodded. She looked at Wordy and Greg and could see something about Matt concerning them. "I'll bet it was hard for you to transition from Special Forces to the SRU."

"No. It was exactly what I was looking for. I didn't want to take out targets from a thousand kilometers away. I wanted to be up close and try to help people." Sam shook his head. That sounded so familiar to him. Did he say that before?

"Wordy?" Hannah looked at him. She could see he was thinking about something.

Wordy took a breath. "It wasn't easy for Sam the first three months he was with us. Usually we pick our new teammates, but Sam was assigned to us. We didn't make him very welcome at first, but we've gotten past that now."

Sam smiled at Wordy. "It's all good."

Hannah smiled at them. She still wondered what it was about Matt or possibly his death that made them concerned, but she let it go for now. "So Sam, when did this all start?" She looked briefly at Greg. He'd told her a little about what had happened the last couple days, but since Sam was having trouble remembering she wanted him to tell her.

"Um, I don't know." Sam looked at Greg. "A couple days ago?"

Greg nodded.

"So what happened that day?" Hannah asked.

"We had a call at the Godwin. It was being torn down and someone wasn't happy about it." Sam said frowning. He was trying to concentrate, but it was getting hard.

"Ok. So I understand there are things here that can't be released to the public." She looked to Greg for confirmation. When he nodded she continued, "but I'm bound by the law to keep everything that's said here completely confidential. You know that I will right?" She looked at Sam.

"Yes. Matt said that you were a good person." Sam nodded.

Hannah smiled. "Good. So tell me what you remember about that day Sam."

"Um, I remember going into the arena and Spike testing the infrared that he found. The subject had set up a gun to fire when someone crossed the infrared." Sam put an elbow on his knee and his hand over his face. He looked at the hand because he noticed the gauze on his forearm. "I remember telling Leah to run back down the hallway, no it was a passageway because there was some kind of fire going off behind us.

No, it was a phosphorus bomb, or flare. I got some on my arm and we had to run to get away from it." He touched the gauze on his arm.

#########

" _Sam! Don't touch it!" Matt walked to Sam's bunk and swatted his hand away._

" _The damned thing itches." Sam said sullenly as he sat back against his pillows propped up against the wall._

" _Well you're only going to make it worse by itching it." Matt handed him a bottle of water and sat on his bunk next to Sam's._

" _It's fine for god's sake. It's like a sunburn. I don't know why they put gauze on it. The medics are such prima donnas."_

" _I feel bad for Pax though. Man he really got burned." Matt shook his head and took a swig of the water, nearly draining it._

" _Yeah. He's going to be out for a while." Sam looked at Matt, brotherly love in his eyes. "Thanks for saving my butt."_

 _Matt snorted. "_ Again." _He rolled his eyes. "If I weren't here-"_

" _Yeah, yeah." Sam drained his water bottle and under hand tossed it playfully at Matt._

##########

"Sam!" Hannah cried as the glass and Wordy flew at her.

Wordy reached her just in time and the glass bounced off of his back and onto the floor, shattering. He and Hannah had landed sideways on the couch. He looked down at her. "You ok?"

"Yes thank you. Are you ok?"

"No harm." Wordy smiled. "I'm good."

Hannah sat up and looked at Sam incredulously. "Sam?"

Wordy used the arm to pick himself up off of Hannah and went to the kitchen to get the broom. The glass had shattered all over the rug and bare wood floor.

Sam looked at her and shook his head. "What the hell?"

"That's a good question." Hannah nodded, her eyebrows raised.


	12. Chapter 12

"Where were you just now Sam?" Hannah asked, a slight frown on her face.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Sam stood and put a hand on his head, his eyes wild.

Greg stood and put his hands on Sam's shoulders. "It's ok Sam, it was an accident. Sit down. Come on." He gently pushed Sam back into his chair and squatted down in front of him. "It's ok. No one was hurt." He turned to look at Hannah. "Right?"

"Yes. I'm fine." Hannah nodded and smiled.

"Wordy?" Greg turned slightly and looked at Wordy who was cleaning up the glass.

"Yeah I'm good." Wordy met eyes with Sam and nodded. He knew he was going to have a bruise on his back from where the glass hit him. Sam had tossed the glass underhanded, but there was some force behind it. He was lucky it didn't break when it hit him. He finished sweeping the glass into the dustpan and took it to garbage in the kitchen.

"See? It's ok." Greg locked eyes with Sam.

"No." Sam shook his head vehemently. "It's not ok. What is wrong with me?" He looked fearfully into Greg's eyes.

Greg looked back, equally as scared. "We're going to find out. Ok? Just sit back and try to relax."

Sam nodded and sat back in the chair, taking several deep breaths to calm himself. He looked up a moment later.

"Ok?" Hannah asked worriedly. When Sam nodded she asked, "where were you just now?"

"I was with Matt in Afghanistan." Sam said in disbelief.

"Can you describe it?" She raised a brow.

Wordy took a seat on the couch next to Hannah and Greg returned to his seat.

"We were in the unit tent, just hanging out. I was scratching at my arm because it itched and Matt was telling me not to because it would make it worse." Sam looked down at his arm with the gauze on it and back at Hannah.

"Your arm? Did you hurt that same arm when you were in Afghanistan?" Her eyebrows knit together.

"Yes. One of my unit mates, Pax, was playing around the fire we had and got burned. He burned my arm too. He was in the burn unit at the base hospital for almost a year before they could send him home." Sam nodded.

Greg looked at Wordy, then at Sam. "Did you see this at The Goose? Is that why you almost fell out of your chair?"

Sam thought back to the night after the Godwin call. He had wanted to go home, but the team insisted they go to The Goose for a drink. He knew it was because they didn't want him to go home and stew about the call that almost caused him to quit the SRU. He was sitting in his chair at The Goose, sipping his beer, then suddenly he jumped out of it, like he was.. He looked down and blushed. "Yeah. I think I saw the burn happen again."

"Because of the burn you received during the Godwin Arena call?" Hannah asked.

"I- I think so? Maybe it brought it back?" Sam looked at her questioningly.

"You had a flashback." Wordy said sitting forward.

##### SUV, downtown Toronto #####

"Why _this_ block?" Jules looked out the window anxiously as they turned down Sam's street.

"The subject must know someone in this area." Ed looked out the window, watching for a man in a shiny emerald jacket and pink jeans running or walking down the street. He smiled again at the subject's choice of clothing. It's not exactly what he'd call "blending in" clothes.

"At least the Sarge and Wordy are armed." Spike turned in his seat and when he realized it wasn't the subject turned back to the street.

"Yeah well, let's hope he doesn't get into Sam's building." Jules said irritably.

Ed looked at Jules. He'd hoped that this hot call would distract them from what was going on with Sam, but it wasn't working out that way. It figured that their subject would run into Sam's neighborhood of all places.

"There!" Spike hit Ed's seat with his palm and pointed out the window. "Subject spotted, 1347 Berard. He just ducked inside, we are in pursuit." Spike said into his headset.

When Ed stopped the SUV, they jumped out and ran into the building.

"Copy. Ed. Isn't that Sam's building?" Donna asked, looking at her TL Charles.

"Yes. Greg and Wordy are with him in his apartment, 3009, and are armed. Rear entrance is on Green Street." Ed said quietly as they cleared the first floor. He looked at Spike. "Call the Sarge."

"Copy. We'll take the rear and search from the top down. Let's wake up the neighbors." Donna said.

"Copy." Everyone answered.

##### Sam's Apartment #####

Sam nodded and shrugged. "Yeah I guess." Was he having flashbacks? Again?

Hanna frowned. "You don't think so?"

"I'm not sure. I had-" Sam looked at Greg, nervous about saying anything.

"It's ok." Greg nodded. He wondered what made Sam afraid to tell him something from his past.

Sam blew out a breath. "After I left the Special Forces, I had a few flashbacks. It was- hard, but I had a few friends with me and they helped me. That was three years ago. Why would they-" He was interrupted by Greg's phone ringing.

Greg stood and put up a hand. "Sorry." He looked at the number and hit the button. "Spike? What's up?" After listening for a moment he looked at Wordy with concern. "Ok. Where are you?" Another moment and, "ok, be safe."

Sam looked at Wordy and then Greg with concern.

Wordy stood and walked to Greg. "What's wrong?"

"Ed, Jules and Spike went on a hot call with Donna and Team Three. Their subject ran into this building." Greg explained.

"Do they want us to search from the top down?" Wordy put a hand on his gun.

"No. We stay put and only get involved if we have to. They have it covered." Greg shook his head.

"We'll be fine if you want to go help them." Sam stood and pointed at Hannah.

Greg shook his head. "Nah, they've got it."

Suddenly, a man in a shiny emerald jacket and pink jeans burst through the door. He saw the two men in tactical gear, lifted his gun and fired a shot at each man.

Sam jumped backwards towards Hannah in a protective move as he watched Greg and Wordy crumple to the floor. He looked at the man angrily, but put his hands up. He looked over his shoulder at Hannah who was now standing behind him and whispered, "don't move."

Hannah couldn't help the scream that escaped her lips as she looked at the two men on the floor.

"Shut up bitch!" The man yelled and pointed the gun at her and the blonde. He heard people running on the stairs and shouts of "shots fired!" and "third floor!". He looked out into the hallway one last time, closed the door and locked it. "Shhhit." He looked down at the two officers. "Aw shit man!"

"Ok, let's just slow this down ok?" Sam kept eye contact with the man. He could feel Hannah behind him starting to shake. "It's ok." He whispered to her. "Just stay behind me and you'll be ok."

"Ok." Hannah whispered. She took a few deep breaths to try to calm herself.

"Why do you have the SRU in your apartment?" The man asked frantically, pointing the gun at the two men lying motionless on the floor. I just wanted to hide, he thought. It's just my luck that I'd pick an apartment with cops in it to try to hide in.

"They were helping me with something, but that's not important now. What's your name?" Sam said calmly.

"Shut up. Just shut up. I gotta figure this out." The man said irritably and put his hands to his head, the gun still clutched in one hand.

##### third floor of apartment building #####

Ed, Jules and Spike converged with Donna and Lance of Team Three on the third floor. Mark, George, Jim and Charles continued to search the other three floors.

They walked carefully down the hall, listening for any sounds of distress as Lance put a listening device on each door. So far, he'd said no every time.

Jules held up a hand when she heard something from down the hall. Dammit, she thought, it's near Sam's apartment. She signaled them to head down the hall and they started moving.

They stopped at 3007 and Lance moved forward. He put the listening device on the door. He shook his head. "No." He moved to 3008 and repeated the move. "No." He moved to 3009. He looked at Ed and nodded. He kneeled down, letting his backpack slide off his shoulder. He dug in it and pulled out a listening device which he quietly stuck to the door. He patched it into their headsets.

They heard Sam's voice say: "They were helping me with something, but that's not important now. What's your name?"

Then a man said: "Shut up. Just shut up. I gotta figure this out."

Jules looked at Ed, anger in her eyes. "Sam." She whispered. She grit her jaw and kept the string of swears she wanted to say outloud to herself.

Lance grabbed a thermal camera out of his bag and stood back a little from the door.

Ed and Donna looked at the camera with Lance as he scanned the wall.

"Two on the ground, one by the door, two further back." Ed said, his fear for Greg and Wordy growing. "We need to get in there." He growled.

#### inside Sam's apartment #####

"Ok. I understand you weren't planning this." Sam watched the man. He was very irritated and overwhelmed. He looked back at Hannah and whispered, "stay with me." He started taking side steps towards Greg and Wordy. Neither were moving. He swallowed hard, hoping that neither of them were hit other than in the vest.

"Hey! Where are you two going?" The man pointed the gun at Sam.

"Nowhere." Sam shook his head. "I'm just worried about those two men. They're hurt."

"Yeah well, they shouldn't have been here."

"I understand. This wasn't part of your plan." Sam took a step sideways.

"No." The man shook his head. He went to the door and listened, but didn't hear anything. He stepped back and looked at the two men on the floor. It wasn't supposed to go this way, he thought angrily. I was just going to come in here and hide until the cops went away. There weren't supposed to be cops in this apartment. Now he was pretty sure the cops were still in the building. "Oh god, what do I do. What do I DO?" He mumbled and started pacing.

"It's ok." Sam said soothingly. "Look, I just want to help you, but first can you do me a favor?"

The man looked at the blonde and nodded. He put his thumb to his mouth and started chewing on his nail. It was a bad habit he knew, but it helped to soothe him.

"Can you check on those two men and tell me if they're ok?" Sam asked calmly.

The man walked to the two men and leaned down. Both had their eyes closed, but he couldn't see any blood anywhere. He put his fingers to the first man's neck who was laying on his back. The label on his shirt said Parker. He felt a pulse, he wasn't sure, but it felt kinda normal. He moved to the other man that was on his side. He put his hands on the man's neck and felt a strong pulse. He looked at the blonde. "They seem ok."

##### outside the apartment #####

Jules looked at Ed. She moved back to look at the thermal screen. She watched as a person stood and stepped away from the two signatures on the floor. "They're ok." She put a hand on Ed's arm. "Sam's starting to negotiate. We should let him try."

Ed nodded. He looked at Donna. "Let's get a tac plan ready in case we need it."

Donna nodded. "Everyone meet up on the third floor." She said into her headset. She got four "copy that" in response.


	13. Chapter 13

Sam stole glances at Greg and Wordy, wondering how long they were going to play possum. There wasn't any blood around them, although there could be internal bleeding. He was pretty sure he saw both men hit in the chest or abdomen. If the subject had really felt their pulses then they were ok for now. He looked at the subject. "Can I ask what happened today?"

The man blew out a breath, his face etched with stress and worry. "I- I did something bad. Oh god. I'm going to hell." He walked to the door and looked out the peephole. The SRU was right outside the door. "Oh man, cops! They found me. I did something BAD." He started to pace.

"Ok. I'd like to help you with that. Would you mind if I called someone to see if they can help?" Sam asked. His phone was in his pocket, but he wasn't going to reach for it without telling the subject first.

"Who? The police? Or the SRU?" The man said frantically. He looked at the door.

"That's who's in the hall looking for you right?" Sam gave him a serious look. He watched the man look at the door again. "If it is, then they're the ones we should talk to.

"No." The man shook his head. "They'll arrest me." He looked at the four people. "But I got you four, so they gotta let me go." He smiled.

"They'll probably want to talk to you about that." Sam said nonchalantly and shrugged.

"Fine." The man said irritably. He reached in his pocket and handed Sam his phone. "You talk to them and no funny business." He walked to Wordy and Greg and pointed his gun at Greg's head.

"Ok." Sam put both hands up. He lowered them, dialed 911 and waited while it rang.

"911 what is your emergency?"

"My name is Sam Braddock. I'm at 1347 Berard, apartment 3009. There is a man with a gun here. I need to talk to a person who makes decisions about things he wants." Sam said calmly.

"You said he has a gun? Is there anyone else there with you?"

"Yes. Three." Sam nodded.

"What are they saying?" The man asked anxiously.

"She's asking how many people are here." Sam said.

"Ok."

Sam waited while the operator connected him to the SRU. He felt a small sense of relief when he heard Winnie say " SRU. Sam?" He raised a brow. "Yes. Are you the one in charge? "

"I'll put you through to Ed." Winnie nodded.

##### outside Sam's apartment #####

Ed watched the thermal as Winnie put Sam through. They were waiting for Jim and George to get the camera and charges on the window so they had eyes and were ready for explosive entry if necessary. "Sam?"

"Is this the person in charge?" Sam looked at the man and nodded.

"Everyone ok in there? Wordy? Greg?" Ed asked worriedly.

"Yes. This guy interrupted our discussion about possums." Sam put up a hand in mock frustration.

"Got you. Any demands?" Ed asked as Jim let them know they have eyes and were in position.

Sam put a hand on the phone. "He wants to know what your demands are and your name."

"I want out of here!" The man yelled at the door. "And not in cuffs!"

"Ok, why don't you talk to them? I don't wanna be the monkey in the middle." Sam said in an irritated tone, held the phone out and frowned.

The man rolled his eyes, walked forward and took the phone from Sam. "Hello?"

"Elmer Hughes, this is Ed Lane with the police Strategic Response Unit. How's everyone doing in there Elmer?"

Elmer looked at Sam. "Everyone is fine. I need out of here. Me and the blonde are going to walk out of here and every one of you is going to let us."

"I understand, but we can't do that Elmer. We need to find a way to resolve this peacefully. Listen, it's hard for us to talk over the phone. How about I open the door slowly and we can start a conversation? Ok?"

Elmer pointed to Sam and motioned for him to come forward. When Sam didn't comply, he said angrily, "get over here NOW."

Sam looked behind him at Hannah. "It's ok. Just sit on the couch. This will be over soon." He whispered. He moved forward and headed towards the man while Hannah sat. He looked at Wordy and Greg and stopped. "Look, I'm just going to check on these two. They've been unconscious for awhile and it worries me." When the man nodded, Sam squatted down between Greg and Wordy making sure he was blocking their faces from the gunman.

He leaned down and put two fingers on Wordy's neck. He leaned close. "If you're ok, blow out a small breath." He whispered. When Wordy blew out a breath, making a "puh" sound Sam was relieved. He turned to Greg. "Same thing boss." Greg did the same but he said, "ready". Sam nodded. "Ok, good. They both seem ok." He looked at the gunman. "Thanks for letting me check." Sam stood and walked to within two feet of the man.

"Elmer! I'm opening the door!" Ed said as he watched the exchange. Their sensitive mics picked up the exchange between Sam, Wordy and Greg and they had exchanged relieved looks. He put his hand on the knob, looked at Jules, Spike, Donna and Charles, nodded and slowly opened the door.

Elmer turned, took the few steps to Sam and put an arm around Sam's neck, making the taller man bend down slightly. He pointed the gun at Sam's head. "That's close enough!" He said when the five people in tactical gear moved in, four of them had their guns on him.

Sam's eyes clouded over and he started to struggle in the man's arms.

#########

" _Kill his sorry ass Remnant." Shadow said. It was his unit versus one idiot terrorist with a gun. Good odds, for him. He couldn't believe the asshole had gotten so close to him. He had pulled out his k-bar and frozen when he heard the man near. Too bad the idiot basically tripped over him. The fight was on at that point, until his unit arrived and the jerk pulled a gun._

" _Need a better solution." Remnant said as the terrorist kept his head behind Sam's._

 _##########_

"Who is Remnant?" Elmer asked, frowning at the side of the blonde's face.

"Sir?" Ed frowned at Sam. He didn't want to give away that Sam was one of them, but Sam had changed before their eyes. "You ok?"

"I-I didn't do anything to him." Elmer said frantically.

"I know that Elmer. I'm not sure what's happening to him right now." Ed said. He looked at Sam when he spoke again.

Sam looked to the left. "Might be a mess Dolittle, be ready."

Jules frowned at him. Wait, did he say Dolittle? "He's having a flashback." She whispered to Ed. "I remember him talking about his unit buddies. Dolittle was the name of his unit medic."

"Ok. How do we get him out of it?" Ed asked in a low voice. He looked past Elmer and Sam at Hannah.

"Sam? It's ok Sam. You aren't there." Hannah stood and started walking towards Sam and Elmer. She had to help Sam, gun be damned.

Ed didn't want to put her close to the subject, but if Sam stayed in this hallucination, things could go very wrong, very quickly. "Ma'am? Could you come to me please?"

Elmer looked back at the woman. Something weird was going on here. Do they know these people? "Yes. Come to me." He said as she walked forward.

"Ma'am? Do you know what's going on with this man?" Ed tipped his chin at Sam.

"His-his name is Sam." Hannah was shaking, but she took a breath and steadied herself as she stopped next to one of the officers, but facing Sam and the gunman. "He's my patient. I'm a counselor and he's an army vet. I think he's hallucinating about his time overseas." She looked directly at Sam, trying to catch his eye. "Sam, it's Hannah. You're in your apartment. Can you hear me?"

"Remnant? Wait, where did you go?" Sam looked around at the group of officers standing around him. What the hell just happened, he thought confused. "Shit." His mind cleared and he realized he was just hallucinating. He shook his head and looked down, too embarrassed to meet the eyes of his team, Donna and Charles.

Both Greg and Wordy stood when they heard Sam realize he was hallucinating.

Elmer looked Sam and frowned. "You ok man?" When he didn't answer, Elmer tightened his arm around Sam's shoulders. "It's ok." He felt the younger man start to shake and realized he was crying. He let go and watched as the man crumpled to the floor. He held the gun up and an officer took it while they got him down on the ground and cuffed.

Greg moved forward, knelt down next to Sam and pulled him into a hug.

Spike, Jules and Ed walked to Wordy. "You ok?" Spike asked worriedly. He watched Donna and Charles take the subject out.

Wordy put a hand on his stomach, grunted and said, "yeah, took one in the vest." He looked over at Greg and Sam.

Ed put a hand on Wordy's shoulder and patted it. "EMS is downstairs, you should get checked out."

"Nah I'm good." Wordy nodded. He walked to Greg and helped him get Sam up and into his bedroom.

Jules blew out a breath and watched them take Sam to his bedroom. This did not ease her worry for Sam at all. She stood there for a moment with Ed and Spike but she couldn't take it anymore. She had to go check on Sam. She walked to the bedroom, turned the knob and walked in.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so messed up right now." Sam had his hands over his face and was shaking his head.

Jules looked at Greg and Wordy. "Can we have a minute?" When they exchanged a look and then nodded she was relieved. She wasn't sure if they would agree since they'd both taken a protective stance around Sam. She took a seat next to him on the bed and watched them leave. Once they were gone she put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Sam." She said softly.

Sam felt her sit next to him, but he wasn't sure if he could talk to her. It was so embarrassing to have a hallucination in front of his team, again. When she said his name like that it released whatever embarrassment he had. He turned to her and pulled her to him, burying his face in her neck. It felt so good to hold her in his arms again. He missed this so much.

She couldn't help the surge of feelings she felt as she held him. Being in his arms felt as natural as breathing to her. There wasn't anywhere else that she wanted to be right now. She could feel her strength flowing into him and knew it was what he needed. As much as she wanted to, she tamped down the feeling she had to throw him down on the bed and have her way with him, team be damned.

When he pulled back from Jules, Sam looked into those gorgeous brown eyes. He put moved his hands to her cheeks and gave her a small smile. Oh god he wanted to kiss her so bad. Watch those beautiful eyes half close as his lips moved in to claim hers. He clamped his jaw tight and dropped his hands. He could see the disappointment in her eyes and was surprised. Does she want me to kiss her? He looked away, it was the only want to keep him from doing what he wanted to. "Thanks." He said shyly.

"Uh, you're welcome." Jules looked away too. She'd seen the desire in his eyes and dammit, she wanted him to kiss her. You've already been through this, she thought. We can't be together and be on Team One. When she looked back at him, it was as his best friend. "I know you already know this, but I'm here if you want to talk." She put a hand on his and squeezed.

"I know. Thanks." Sam looked at her and smiled.

"You're going to be ok." Jules gave him a sincere look.

"I hope so." Sam nodded and lifted his brows.

"I know so." Jules stood and smiled. When he stood she pulled him into another hug. She pulled back. "You don't have anything to be embarrassed about. We're family, we understand." When he looked at her incredulously she tipped her head towards the door. "C'mon."

Sam followed her reluctantly to the living room.

 **AN: So I'm thinking this is starting to move into a full length story.. what do you guys think? I certainly could end it in the next chapter or two, but it feels like maybe there could be more.. Your opinion matters so let me know!**


	14. Chapter 14

Sam stopped after Jules walked into the living room and closed the door. He stepped back from the door and locked it. He was shaking so hard that he could barely make it to the bed. He put his head in his hands, elbows on his knees, trying to catch his breath. The tears fell unheeded as he listened to the knocks on the door. What the hell was wrong with him? He felt like he was losing his mind. Since when did thinking about talking to his team cause him to panic? He couldn't face them all right now. This whole thing was too much.

##### outside the bedroom door #####

Jules turned around when the door closed behind her. She heard the click of the lock and frowned deeply. What the hell, she thought. Did he just lock her out? Lock all of them out? She grabbed the knob and turned it. When it didn't turn she looked back at the others. She knocked softly. "Sam? What's going on?" She said as gently as she could considering this kicked her worry up a notch.

Greg stepped forward and looked at Jules. "What just happened?"

"I don't know." Jules frowned back at him. "I thought he was ok and was going to come to the living room, but he closed and locked the door."

With another gentle knock, Greg said, "Sam? You ok buddy?" No answer. He looked back at Wordy, Ed, Spike and Hannah.

Hannah looked at Wordy and Spike and gave them a reassuring smile. She walked forward and stood next to the door jamb. She leaned forward and put her ear on the door. She heard Sam saying something, but it was too low to understand. She put her hand up and rapped her knuckles on the door. "Sam? It's Hannah. Are you ok? If you need a minute that's ok." After a short silence she heard a muffled, "yeah. Ok." She looked at Jules and Greg and tipped her head towards Wordy and Spike. They walked back.

"Why don't you go back and debrief? I'll stay with Sam. I think it'll be good to let him have a little time to himself. I'll stay to make sure he stays safe and in case he wants to talk. Ok?" Hannah looked at each of them and could see this was going to be a hard sell.

Spike looked at Greg and shook his head. "We can't."

"Hannah isn't going to let anything happen to Sam, right?" Ed put a hand on Spike's shoulder and looked at Hannah.

"Right." Hannah nodded.

"Sam is strong and trained to be stealthy." Jules shook her head and looked at Hannah. "No offense."

"None taken." Hannah smiled. "Ok, so leave an officer from the local PD here but they must stay outside the door. I don't want Sam to feel like he's trapped." She said with conviction.

Greg nodded. "Ok. It'll only be for an hour or two. C'mon." He looked at the team. "The sooner we debrief, the sooner we can come back."

"That's another thing," Hanna said cautiously, "I would prefer if only Wordy returned." She looked at each person. "I mean, no offense to any of you, but Wordy is the one that got through to Sam in the woods. I would like him to continue to work with Sam. Ok?" She raised a brow.

Ed looked at them and nodded. He knew it would be hard to accept, but they had to do whatever it took to help Sam. "If it's what's best for Sam, it's what we do. Let's go debrief."

Spike set his jaw and nodded. "Copy."

Jules nodded reluctantly and said, "copy".

"Thank you Hannah." Greg smiled at her then turned and followed the others out.

"You're welcome." Hannah smiled at each of them before they left. She turned and looked at the door, wondering what Sam was thinking and feeling.

##### inside Sam's bedroom #####

Sam turned the light off in the bathroom and sat back down on the bed. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. How could he close himself off from his chosen family when all they wanted to do was help him? He'd walked to the door and back to the bed several times, trying to get up the courage to unlock and open the door. For some reason, the thought of facing them scared him. Would they look at him with disgust for having these "episodes"?

Would Ed and the Boss want to kick him off of the team because he couldn't seem to get himself together? The Boss certainly had mentioned that as a possibility. What would he do if he didn't have Team One? Go back to the military? No, he couldn't do that. He couldn't go through all of that again, especially without Matt. So many times Matt had been his anchor, keeping him from losing his mind after some of the horrible missions they went on.

He knew he had been Matt's anchor as well. They were so alike in so many ways. Both had come from strict military families, although Matt's mother tended to take the military discipline more seriously than his father. Matt's father was often out on missions for months at a time, but he was warm and loving when he came home to his only son. His mother was the perfect army wife on the surface, always making sure he had food on the table and clothes on his back. At home, she was a totally different person. Angry and lonely, she took her frustrations out on her son. Matt had sworn Sam to secrecy before he showed Sam some of the lasting scars he had from his mother.

They had both joined the army to get away from their home lives, which Sam was sure saved Matt's life. Both of their fathers, high ranking by the time their son's joined up, were extremely proud of their sons although neither really understood the full reason for it. Sam had done the unthinkable when Matt's mother died. He went to his father and asked permission to attend the funeral with his friend. He was sure that the General would say no, that his unit needed him, but he was granted the leave.

Not for the first time today, Sam wished that Matt was able to go to Scout's funeral. He knew Matt would be just as upset to know that their Sarge had died. They'd spent so many nights under the stars in the desert together. Half of his happy memories were of those nights. He wished he could go lay under the stars and talk to Matt and Scout. He looked to the door and realized the apartment was silent. He looked at the clock and saw it was only 1530. No stars were out yet.

Curious as to why the apartment was quiet he went to the door and unlocked it. He cracked the door and looked around. He pulled the door open further and realized everyone had left. He turned down his mouth and stuck his lip out a little. Huh, he thought, they left. He walked out and jumped when he saw Hannah on the couch sipping an iced capp.

"Hi." She smiled warmly. "I hope you don't mind that I made myself a drink. I saw your machine and I couldn't help myself."

"No," Sam shook his head, "that's ok. Help yourself. I don't have a lot here, but you're welcome to whatever you can find." He sat in his black chair and sat cross legged.

Hannah eyed him. "How're you feeling?"

Sam sighed and looked down. "I hate to say this, but relieved."

"Why do you hate to say that?" She leaned forward and put her iced capp down.

"Because the team left and they're like my family. The kind I got to choose."

"They're very important to you." Hannah nodded.

"Yes." He lifted his brows and looked at her. "If I lose them," he shook his head.

"What makes you think you're going to lose them?" She cocked her head to the side.

"Because I'm a mess." Sam ran a hand through his hair.

"No more than anyone else." Hannah smiled when he looked at her. "Do they feel the same way about you? That you're family?"

"Yes. We treat each other like brothers and sisters, father and children. We're a very tight unit." He nodded.

"Ok. So let's go back to what you first said, that you were relieved that they left. Why are you relieved?"

"I was, am, scared to talk to them." Sam put up a hand, palm up.

"Because?"

He let out a frustrated breath and looked away.

"What do you think will happen?"

"I don't know. I-I think they'll judge me. Think I'm crazy and not worthy of being on the team." He frowned, the hurt of saying it out loud cutting him deep.

"Not worthy of being their brother?" She arched a brow.

Sam looked at her, his eyes filling, and nodded. "I couldn't take that."

"Sam. Do you know what your team has done for you the past couple days?"

"Kept me out of trouble?"

Hannah nodded. "Yeah. When Wordy and Spike saw that you were in trouble in the woods, what did they do? They, and the team, came running to help you." She said gently. "I asked them to go debrief because you seemed like you needed a minute. Do you know what they did?"

Sam swiped the back of a hand across his eyes and chuckled. He could imagine what she must've been up against, especially with Ed. "I imagine it probably wasn't easy."

She chuckled. "Right. Like trying to get a cub from a momma bear." She raised her brows. "Do you know why?"

"Because they care." He shrugged. He thought for a momen. "They can get overbearing sometimes." He scoffed. "Mother hens." He shook his head. "So they aren't going to judge me or kick me out of their lives."

"Nope. If anything, they're going to help you fight to get through this." She smiled at him. "We all are."

Sam gave her a lopsided grin and nodded.

"I hope you don't mind, but I asked Wordy to come back after they debrief. I think he'll be able to help a lot." Hannah picked her ice capp up and took a sip. She closed her eyes. "Heaven in a glass." She sighed as she put it back down.

"No, that's fine."

"Good. You and Wordy seem to have an especially tight bond."

"Yeah. When I hurt my knee during training he let me stay at his house with his wife and kids. It was great. His girls call me Uncle Sam." Sam smiled at the thought of the pictures in his locker with the three Wordsworth girls. One was him asleep with the girls on and around him, the other was him in a tickle pile with the girls, his hair standing on end and a goofy look on his face.

"They've been there for you." She nodded. She was glad she'd gone with her gut and chosen Wordy. He was definitely the right one to help Sam.

Sam nodded. "I babysit for Wordy and Shel when they want to have a date night." He laughed. "Although sometimes I think I do more harm than good." He went on to explain that there had been more than one time that Wordy and Shel had come home to find the house a wreck and all four of them passed out on the couch from pizza and hours of playing dress up. They called him Princess Sassy Pants.

They were laughing at his Allie, Holly and Ivy stories when there was a knock at the front door. Sam jumped up and answered the door.

Wordy had showed his badge to the officer, then listened for a moment at the door when he heard laughter coming from the other side. Relief flooded him. When Sam opened the door he was extra relieved to still see the smile on Sam's face. "Hey." He said, unsure of what else to say.

"Thanks for coming back." Sam said genuinely.

"You knew I would." Wordy smiled.

"I did." Sam pulled Wordy in a tight hug. When he pulled back he kept a hand on Wordy's shoulder. "I was just telling Hannah some babysitting stories."

Wordy laughed and rolled his eyes. He sat in the chair to Sam's right. "Did he tell you about the jello debacle?" He looked at Hannah.

Hannah shook her head, knowing this was going to be a great story.


	15. Chapter 15

The three of them were laughing hard as Wordy finished the jello debacle story. "So we walk in just as Holly tripped. She was holding the pan of jello at the time and she literally threw the pan in the air. Poor Sam, Allie and Ivy were covered in jello." Wordy made the motion of covering himself with his hands. AND, the jello wasn't completely solid yet, she wanted to check it, so there were red chunks and liquid everywhere."

"Poor Holly. She felt so bad. I looked at Holly and Ivy and thought they were going to cry. I had Ivy on the counter and she was watching me for a reaction so I made a face and she laughed. I looked at Holly and she started laughing too." Sam chuckled at the memory. "Allie was already giggling."

"Good thing Shel and I only went to dinner and skipped the movie. It was a huge mess!" Wordy laughed.

"Yeah but we did the divide and conquer thing and it didn't take long." Sam shrugged. "Holly felt really bad so she stayed to help us clean up while Shel got Ivy and Allie into a bath." He raised a brow.

"You made her feel better though." Wordy smiled warmly.

Sam lifted a shoulder. "I hate seeing them sad."

"So what'd you do?" Hannah asked. She could see the love in Sam's eyes when he spoke about Wordy's girls.

"Her favorite movie is Snow White, so I started singing 'whistle while you work'. She loved it." Sam grinned happily.

"They have him wrapped around their little fingers." Wordy smiled.

"And I love it." Sam returned the smile. He did. Those girls were almost like his own. He'd do anything for them. The same goes for Ed's son Clark.

"It's nice to have people that care about you as much as you do them." Hannah stated.

"It is." Sam looked at Wordy who nodded in agreement.

"I have a suggestion and I need to know how you feel about it." Hannah raised a brow.

"Ok." Sam nodded and wondered what she wanted.

"For whatever reason, your hallucinations don't seem to have specific triggers. It seems like any simple thing can trigger you. So, I'd like for you to stay with Wordy and Shel for a little while if that's ok." She suggested. She looked at Wordy and knew he'd already talked to Shel after their conversation earlier.

"No." Sam shook his head vehemently.

"Sam." Wordy sighed calmly. He saw the look from Hannah and had nodded slightly to tell her they'd accepted her suggestion. He only had one more day until they were off shift, then he could keep a close eye on Sam.

"Wordy," Sam said, his voice rising in panic and irritation, "what if I trigger and hurt Shel or the girls? I'd never forgive myself." He shook his head.

"Already thought of that." Wordy looked at him reassuringly. "Shel took the girls to her parent's for a long weekend. The girls were thrilled to be able to spend three days with Nana and Pop Pop. Sophie and her brother are going to come over and hang out tomorrow. I'll have my phone and so will everyone else."

"Her brother?" Sam said incredulously.

"Yeah. You know Germaine, you met him at last summer's picnic. He's a good guy and he's trustworthy. No offense to Shel and Sophie, but we need a little muscle." Wordy explained.

Sam nodded in understanding. He knew Wordy was right. If he had to be restrained, Shel and Sophie wouldn't be able to handle him.

"I understand your hesitation-" Hannah started.

"No, it's ok." Sam interrupted by putting up a hand. "I get it." He looked down, thinking for a moment and looked back up. "Ok." He nodded.

"Good." Hannah nodded. "Thank you Sam." She said relieved. She thought Sam would fight them more than this.

Sam nodded and looked at Wordy. "I'll go pack."

"Ok." He nodded.

Twenty minutes later, Sam walked out with a military green duffle bag slung over his back. "All set."

Wordy and Hannah stood when Sam emerged from the bedroom.

"Great." Wordy walked forward and smiled.

"Ok." Hannah smiled and walked to them. "So Sam, I'll stop over tomorrow afternoon around 1pm ok? In the meantime I'd like you to start a journal. Write whatever you want in it, but I'd like to know about your day. Feelings and memories you're thinking about. Also, if you wake up from a dream I'd like you to write what you can remember of the dream and anything you think is important about it. I'd like to get a sense of what you were doing before the hallucination, that may help us figure out the triggers."

"Ok." Sam nodded. "Thanks for your help Hannah. I appreciate it after everything I put you through today."

Hannah waved a hand in dismissal. "Bah. Forget about that. It's over and done, no harm done." She smiled and followed them out. As they walked down the three flights she said, "Wordy, could you give me a ride back to the park? My car is there. It's in the south parking lot."

"Yeah, sure. No problem." Wordy agreed.

"Sorry I messed up your day." Sam apologized as they reached the bottom floor.

"Sam." Hannah said in warning. "I was right where I was supposed to be today. End of story. Besides, I had a light day today. I called my secretary and had her move my appointment for noon today to 4:30 so I have plenty of time to shower, change and get to my office."

Sam looked at his watch. It was quarter of 4. "Not if we don't get you to your car." He offered Hannah the front seat, but she insisted on getting in the back of the van. Five minutes later they dropped her off at her car and headed to Wordy and Shel's.

Wordy looked down at his phone when it started to ring. He pulled over into a parking spot on a street a couple blocks from his house and picked up the phone. "Hey Shel. The girls at Nana and Pop-." He frowned and looked at Sam. "Wait, what? Ok, we're only a couple blocks away."

"What's wrong?" Sam frowned as Wordy pulled back into traffic.

"Holly is having a meltdown about not getting to see you and of course Ivy and Allie have joined in." Wordy grumbled. "I could barely hear Shel over Allie's wailing."

"Sorry." Sam said dejectedly.

Wordy looked at Sam, smiled and patted his arm. "Don't sweat it. We'll let them hang with you for a little bit so they'll calm down and then Shel can take them to her parent's. No big. They just don't want to miss a chance to see Uncle Sam."

Sam smiled at that. God he loved those girls. "Uncle Sam wants a chance to hang with them too."

A few minutes later, they pulled into the driveway and walked up to the house. Wordy insisted that Sam went first as he was the one the girls wanted to see. He was right. As soon as Sam opened the door, three little girls pulled him inside and surrounded him.

Sam knelt down so that he could hug them but that was a bad idea. All three girls hugged him at once which turned into a tackle and the four of them fell to the floor giggling madly. After a minute of laughing and hugging, Sam's face changed. He looked at the girls. "Oh no." He said with a sad and scared look on his face. "You've awakened, the SAM MONSTER!" His face changed to one of hilarious proportions as he changed his hands into tickle claws.

Allie looked at Holly and Ivy and screamed, which caused Holly and Ivy to scream and scramble up off of Uncle Sam. They knew the Sam Monster was a relentless tickle master. "RUN!" Allie yelled as she ran towards the kitchen.

Little Ivy wasn't quite fast enough and got pulled back on top of the Sam Monster who started tickling her armpits and stomach. "Aaaaggghh! Unca Saaaaam!" She squealed. "Holly! Allie! Heeeelpp! AGGH!" She twisted and turned while laughing uncontrollably at Uncle Sam's tickling.

Wordy laughed when Holly and Allie returned with towels tied around their necks and superhero masks they'd made out of construction paper last time the Sam Monster had made an appearance. They had pink yarn threaded through the masks and they were tied around their heads.

"Super Allie and her sidekick Mega Holly are here to save you!" Allie said and put an arm up, her hand in a fist like she was going to fly like Superman.

"We got the hot call you were in trouble!" Mega Holly said loudly. "Sam Monster! Put your weapons down!"

"Oh no! Not Super Allie and Mega Holly!" Sam stopped tickling Ivy and cowered. The youngest Wordsworth ran to her sisters.

"Quick. Go get your cape and mask Mini Ivy." Super Allie leaned down and whispered to her youngest sister.

Wordy laughed again as Ivy ran to the stairs and climbed on all fours up the stairs. "Go carefully on the stairs Mini Ivy." He warned gently. He put an arm around Shel as they watched their girls play with Uncle Sam.

"I just wanted to tickle! That's my job!" Sam Monster said as he lay still, waiting to see what the girls would do. He also knew they'd wait for Mini Ivy to come back. It took almost five minutes for Ivy to come back down with her cape and mask on. In the meantime, he'd successfully negotiated to be able to sit up and have a glass of water while they talked.

"Mini Ivy is here!" She cleared the last two steps carefully and holding onto the wooden bars on the banister since she couldn't reach the rail yet. She stood in front of the Sam Monster, her little hands on her hips, her head high.

"Oh no. Now I'm in big trouble!" Sam Monster said. "Or.." He lunged forward and put his arms around all three girls, tickling each one in turn while the girls giggled, laughed and squealed. He pulled them to the floor with him, taking the light impact on his back.

Suddenly, the girls got the best of him and started tickling him until he was out of breath and begging for mercy.

"Ha ha!" Allie stood and declared. "The Wordsworth girls win again!" She smiled at her sisters as they got up and cheered. She high fived them both and smiled down at Sam. She laughed when she saw his hair sticking up in all directions and the goofy smile on his face. She bent over him. "You look just like that picture Daddy took of all of us."

Sam smiled up at her. "Good." He pulled her down to him as she squealed. He hugged her tight. "Love you Allie."

Allie put her arms around him, her head on his right shoulder and hugged him tight. "Love you too Uncle Sam."

Holly got down on her knees, put an arm over her sister's back and laid on Sam's other shoulder. "I love you too Uncle Sam."

"Me too!" Ivy lay on all three of them. "I love you mostes Unca Sam."

Shel wiped a tear from her eye as she watched Sam with her girls. When Wordy looked at her she smiled.

Sam sat up, holding all three girls to him. He looked up at Shel and Wordy and couldn't help the tear that formed and fell down his cheek.

Holly felt the wetness and lifted her head from Sam's left shoulder. She lifted a hand and wiped the tear from his face. She put her palm on his face and whispered. "You'll be ok Uncle Sam."

"Of course I will." Sam looked at her with amazement and love in his eyes. Somehow she knew he was struggling and knew he needed her and her sisters.

"Alright girls, supper is almost ready, let's let Uncle Sam settle into his room." Shel cleared her throat and looked at her girls. The girls got up and followed their mom to the kitchen, babbling excitedly about the Sam Monster defeat.

Wordy stepped forward and put a hand out to Sam. When the younger man took it, Wordy helped him up and patted him on the back.

They walked to the spare room off the living room and Sam put his bag on the bed. He looked around the familiar room and nodded.

"So, I'll let you get settled. Dinner should be ready in about ten minutes." Wordy walked to the door.

"Ok." Sam nodded. He unzipped his duffel bag and pulled out the plastic bag containing the journal he bought at the bookstore on the way here. He opened it, pulled out the pack of pens he also bought and started writing about the greeting the girls gave him. He wrote about how loved he felt by the girls and the sense that they knew something was off with him and that maybe that was why they wouldn't go to their grandparent's until they saw him.

He walked out of his bedroom about ten minutes later,his clothes unpacked, the journal securely hidden on the top shelf in the closet under his folded up duffel bag. He walked into the kitchen to find the Wordsworths sitting at the table, silently waiting for him to arrive.

After helping Shel with the dishes, he had insisted since he would be staying with them for a while, he went outside. The sun was just setting and the view was really beautiful, especially from the top of their large maple tree in the back yard. He loved it up high, being able to see for miles, past the city to the world beyond. He knew that was why he'd become a sniper. He could oversee his unit and keep them safe. That was the main reason he chose it.

He had to be the protector, it was his nature, especially after what happened to Sarah. He hadn't protected her and it was his job. He was the big brother. He should've kept her safe. He put his head back against the trunk of the tree and watched the sun set and the stars start to appear. It reminded him of his time with Matt and Craze in the desert. They'd made camp near a grove of trees and he'd taken first watch.

Wordy stood at the sliding door watching Sam in the tree. It worried him that Sam was up so high, even though he knew Sam was an excellent climber. But what if something happened, he thought. He stepped onto the back porch and closed the slider quietly. He'd just sit in one of the patio chairs, just in case, he mused. He walked to one of the patio chairs and turned it towards the tree before he sat down. He heard some mumbling above him and looked up as a few leaves fell towards him.


	16. Chapter 16

##########

 _Sam shifted in the tree and looked down as leaves fell on Matt, Beast and Craze._

 _Matt looked up. "Hey monkey, stop shaking the tree. You're going to fall out."_

" _Oh come on." Sam grinned. He grabbed the branch he was on with both hands and put his feet on the branch facing outward and shook. "Eee eee oooo ooo." He said as he sat back down straddling the branch and his back to the trunk._

" _Don't make me come up there and get you." Beast said in a serious tone, without looking up._

" _Yeah, this tree definitely couldn't handle that." Sam laughed and looked up to the very top of the tree. It was barely visible in the firelight. When Beast stood, he clamored to a branch a few feet up and to the right. He smiled big as Beast looked up at him._

" _I don't have to climb it." Beast raised a brow. He put his arms around the tree and shook it a little as a demonstration._

" _Ok, ok." Sam rolled his eyes. He looked up, stood and started climbing. He couldn't see past the leaves to what he really wanted to see. He stopped about five feet from the top because the branches were too small up there to handle his weight. He looked down and could see someone standing next to the trunk. He waved, then looked up._

 _He smiled as he looked at the stars. He could see for miles in any direction. The view and the gentle wind rustling his hair felt really good. He looked down when he heard an urgent voice calling to him. "Oh Matt. Don't be such a fuddy duddy. I'm_ **fine** _." He shook his head and looked back at the view, but it had changed. Where did the sand go, he thought confused._

 _##########_

"Sam?" Wordy squinted to see where Sam had climbed up to. He heard Sam call him Matt which is what made him walk to to the trunk of the tree.

"What the?" Sam said, frustrated. "Matt? Craze? Where are you? This isn't funny." He moved from branch to branch circling the tree, searching.

Wordy heard the creaking and cracking of the branches and without thinking about it he grabbed a couple of branches, pulled himself up and started climbing. He was a little winded by the time he got close to Sam. He sat on a branch and watched Sam desperately looking for his friends. "Hey Sam." He said casually.

Sam looked down to the next set of branches and the man sitting there. Understanding dawned in his eyes and he looked to the stars. After a moment he let out a breath and looked at Wordy. "Sorry." He shook his head.

"I haven't climbed a tree in years." Wordy looked around and noticed the lights of the city. "I should do it more often, the view is beautiful."

"Yeah." Sam scoffed. "Then the girls would want to climb up too and you and Shel would have heart attacks."

Wordy laughed and looked down. It made him a little dizzy so he looked back at Sam. "You were back in the desert with your unit?" He asked, eyeing Sam. He was obviously upset.

Sam nodded. "We were camping out. We'd just finished a mission and were trekking back to meet up with our ride. Topeka was injured so we had to stop for the night. I climbed a tree and took the first watch. The fire kept us warm during the night, but it was a beacon for anyone that wanted to follow us."

"How long were you up there?"

"Only like six hours until Craze came up and took over so I could get some sleep." Sam shrugged.

"No wonder our long calls don't bother you." Wordy chuckled. Sam routinely had to stay in the Sierra position for long periods, but the longest was only four hours.

"Yeah." Sam raised a brow. "That's like a vacation compared to my JTF2 missions." He looked down and thought about his fallen friends.

Wordy watched him and saw the sadness cross his face. He hoped Sam wasn't thinking anything dangerous. "I think about Lou a lot. It's almost been two years since he died and I still miss him. Sometimes I'll be at my locker and look over and expect him to be there. Expect to hear him and Spike joking around or talking about their trip to Jamaica."

"Me too." Sam said sadly. "They say it takes time to heal, but it never really does." He looked down and say Shel standing next to the tree looking up at them. He looked at Wordy. "We'd better get down. Shel looks worried." He hitched his chin at the figure below them.

"You ok?" Wordy asked seriously.

Sam took a breath and let it out through his nose. "I hope so." He stood and started climbing down.

After Sam was below him a few feet, Wordy followed.

Shel smiled when she saw them coming down. She sighed in relief, but didn't do it too loudly. She didn't want to make Sam feel bad that he worried her.

"Sorry." Sam said when he jumped down from the last branch and looked at Shel.

"For what?" Shel frowned. "I'll bet it's a great view from up there." She looked up and watched her husband come down the tree and land safely on the ground.

"For making you worried." Sam put his head down until he felt a finger lift it up. His eyes met with caring golden brown ones.

"No apologies while you're here. This is all part of the healing process. Nothing you do here is bad or wrong, ok?" She looked at him seriously.

Sam nodded. "Ok. Thanks Shel." He hugged her tight.

After a few moments, Wordy said jokingly, "ok, that's enough."

With a grin at Shel, Sam swung her down in a dip and said in his best french accent, "run away with me mon cher. Leave all dis domestic, how you say, poo poo behind." He cocked an eyebrow at her and ran his fingers along a fake mustache.

Shel gave a small whoop of surprise when Sam dipped her and then smiled at him as he spoke. "But monsieur, I love all dis, poo poo." She said in a pleading voice.

Wordy laughed, but put on a fake serious face. He took Shel's hand, reached down and pulled her from Sam. "That's right, she is my poo poo."

The three shared a laugh as Wordy dipped Shel then kissed her soundly.

"Ewww." Three little girls in pajamas said from the patio door.

Wordy and Shel looked at them and laughed. Wordy leaned back and brought Shel upright. "Ready for your story?" He asked them.

"Yes!" The three chorused at once.

Sam put out his arms to them. "I need my hug first!" He crouched down and watched as the girls ran screaming to him and wrapped their arms around him. He kissed each one and said goodnight.

"Night Unca Sam. We go to Nana Pop-Pops 'morrow." Ivy said after she kissed his cheek.

"I know. You guys have fun ok?" Sam raised his brows and looked in her golden brown eyes. Just like her mother, he thought.

"We will." Holly and Allie said together, looked at each other and giggled.

Ivy looked at Holly and Allie, giggled and said, "me too!"

"Sweet dreams." Sam stood and watched the girls run in the house with Shel close behind.

Wordy looked at Sam. "You coming in?"

Sam looked up at the stars. "In a bit." He looked back at Wordy.

"Ok." Wordy smiled warmly and followed his girls inside.

With a sigh, Sam looked at the ground. He could lay right here and look at the stars. He looked to his left and noticed the hammock. Ah yeah, he thought, that's perfect. He walked to it and carefully got in. He laid down and put one hand under his head. He stared up at the stars, getting lost in his own thoughts.

Allie was glad that her dad had agreed to her idea. She wasn't sure if he would because she knew her sisters would want to do it too. She walked to the sliding glass door and pushed it open quietly. She closed it behind her and walked to the hammock. She could see that Uncle Sam was deep in thought. She didn't want to disturb him so she dropped the blanket she was carrying and carefully climbed into the hammock next to him.

Sam looked to his right when he felt someone getting on the hammock with him. "Hey Allie. Do your parents know you're out here?"

With a nod she lay next to him and put her head on his shoulder. "Daddy said it was ok. Is it ok with you?" She looked up at him.

He put an arm around her and smiled. "Of course it is." He looked down at her. "Do you want to try to name some of the constellations with me?"

"Yeah." Allie smiled. They looked up at the sky and she narrowed her eyes, trying to see the patterns he had showed her. "Oh, there." She pointed to stars in a v shape. "That's me, Leo."

"Right." Sam nodded. He pointed to one near the one she just found. "What's that one?"

"To the, um, west? That's Cancer and on the other side, the east is Virgo." Allie pointed excitedly.

"Very good." He smiled at her. "You've been practicing."

Allie smiled and nodded. She shivered, sat up, carefully got off the hammock, grabbed the blanket and put it on the hammock.

Sam stayed still while she climbed back on the hammock with him. He smiled as she carefully put the blanket over them and laid back down next to him.

She laid on her side, put an arm over his chest and sighed. "I love you Uncle Sam."

"I love you too Allie girl." He put a hand over hers and smiled. They swung gently in the hammock for a while until he heard her breathing even out. He looked down at her and smiled when he saw she was asleep. He looked back up at the stars. He couldn't wait to have kids of his own. Well, he could until Jules realized they were meant to be together. It'd been hard for him to try to get over her, but he soon realized that he couldn't. He was hers and hers alone. He just had to be patient.

"Sam?" Wordy said softly as he approached the hammock. It was past nine and he needed to get Allie in bed. As he got to the side of the hammock he saw Sam looking at him.

Sam pointed to Allie and put a finger to his lips. "Sleeping." He whispered.

Wordy nodded and smiled. He carefully slid his hands under Allie and lifted her up, blanket and all. He smiled again when she didn't move. He looked at Sam. "I swear this kid could sleep through a bomb going off next to her." He said quietly.

He carefully got off the hammock and smiled. "She's a great kid." Sam smiled down at the sleeping girl.

"Yeah." Wordy said and lovingly looked at his oldest child. He looked at Sam and tipped his head towards the house. "Shel has some coffee made if you want some." He saw Sam's hesitation and added, "we're not trying to hover. It's the last thing we want to do because I know you hate it."

Sam looked at him. How had he known, he thought. He could see the worry in Wordy's eyes and he hated it. He hated that he was making them have to watch him to make sure he didn't hurt anyone, or himself. He also knew that he needs their help to get him through this. "Thanks, but I know this situation kind of calls for some hovering." He shrugged.

"Ok, well I gotta bring Allie to bed, but come in whenever you want." Wordy turned and started walking towards the house.

"Ok." Sam nodded and followed Wordy in. "Hey, tomorrow I'd like to go for a run, but I shouldn't go alone.."

"Germaine is training to run his first marathon, so he'll go with you. That was another reason I asked Sophie to bring him. He loves to run as much as you do and I knew you wouldn't want to just sit around." Wordy said as he turned to go up the stairs.

"Great. Thanks." Sam said and headed to the kitchen.


	17. Chapter 17

**An: sorry for the long wait. Hope you are all still with me! Thank you for all the reviews, follows and favorites! I really appreciate it!**

Sam jolted awake and sat up in bed. He was drenched in sweat. He climbed out of bed just as there was a soft knock at the door.

Wordy had jumped up from the couch when he heard Sam groaning and thrashing in his sleep. He waited at the door after he knocked for a response. He was about to knock on the door again when it opened.

"Hey. Sorry. I told you you should sleep upstairs." Sam eyed Wordy. He had argued with Wordy about the older man sleeping on the couch while Sam stayed with them. He knew the couch had to be uncomfortable, but Wordy had insisted that it was better than his bed. In the end he had lost although he had reminded Wordy about his previous statement of not hovering.

"Nope. Right where I should be. You ok?" Wordy rubbed his eyes. He looked past Sam to the clock on the bedside table. They'd only been asleep for two hours. This was going to be a long night, he thought. He knew Ed would understand though.

Sam looked at Wordy for a moment before he shook his head and looked away.

"Nightmare?"

"Yeah." Sam waved a hand for Wordy to come in and then sat on his bed.

Wordy sat at the end of the bed mirroring Sam who was sitting cross-legged. "So what happened?"

The younger man looked away, unsure if he should tell Wordy about the dream. It was horrible and involved the team. He took a breath and knew that he should share it, that it would most likely help to slow if not stop the nightmares. He shuddered. "I was Sierra on a hot call and negotiations weren't going that great. The Sarge was talking and you and Jules were backing him up. Spike was in the truck and Ed was Sierra two. I-" Sam put a hand on his head and ran a hand through his hair.

"It's ok. It wasn't real." Wordy soothed. "What happened next?" It was the tone he used with the girls when they had a nightmare.

"I shot everyone in the room." Sam shook his head, brought his legs up and put shaking hands around his knees. "I shot them. No provocation no reason." Tears started to fall from his eyes as he stared straight ahead. "I killed them all. I heard Ed calling to me so I put him in my sights-" He put his head down between his knees. "Oh god, what did I do?"

Wordy moved closer, put a hand on Sam's and squeezed. "Nothing Sam. You didn't do anything. It was a dream. It wasn't real." He moved to the edge of the bed next to Sam's legs. "You hear me? You didn't shoot us. Look at me. I'm here and I'm fine."

Sam couldn't bring himself to look at Wordy. He knew he was there, they had a tangible connection, but the dream had seemed so real. He heard the report of the gun, saw the sprays of blood and the bodies fall to the floor. He'd even killed Jules. His Jules. Oh god. He finally looked at Wordy. "Why? Why would I dream something like that?"

"What were you feeling during it?" Wordy asked. He hated to see the pain and anguish in Sam's eyes. He could see that Sam was reliving the dream in his mind.

"Anger, no blind rage." Sam shook his head. "I was so furious that I-I just fired on the room."

"Why were you angry?"

"I don't know." Sam frowned.

"Who was in the room?" Wordy asked

"You, Sarge and Jules."

"And the subject."

"Right."

"Did you recognize the subject?"

Sam shook his head then looked up, "Matt." He looked at Wordy. "I killed him."

"That was an accident Sam." Wordy said gently. "You didn't mean to do it."

"He's haunting me, making me see it over and over as punishment." Sam looked out the window a tears slipped down his cheek.

"Sam."

"No I get it." Sam said sadly, raised his shoulders and dropped them dejectedly.

Wordy was taken aback. That was the same thing Sam said before he told them he was leaving the SRU. This is worse than he thought. He moved his hand to Sam's back. "Look. You are not being punished, because you are not a bad person Samuel Winston Braddock. I think you're dreaming about it because of the last couple days. Because of the call at the Godwin."

Sam looked at him, turning quickly. He wasn't sure if that was true or not, but he had a sudden need to be alone. "I'm really tired. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

With narrowed eyes, Wordy said, "Just a little bit longer. I promise you can sleep in."

"No." Sam shook his head vehemently and looked at Wordy with determination.

"Sam." Wordy said, softly pleading. He knew they were getting into touch territory and thought that was why Sam was deflecting.

"Please Wordy. I'm tired." Sam pleaded, the lines around his eyes starting to form.

He could see that Sam was starting to shut down so Wordy relented, a little. "Ok." He stood and walked to the other side of the bed, got in and got comfortable.

"What are you doing?" Sam asked with a raised brow.

"Sleeping in here and no arguments. I want to be here in case you have another nightmare." Wordy said with finality and shut his eyes.

Sam looked at Wordy for a moment. He's sleeping in here, he thought disbelievingly. He could tell from the look on Wordy's face that he wasn't going to change his mind. He sighed and laid back down with a harrumph. He turned on his side, away from Wordy, and turned off the light.

#########

Shelly tiptoed to Wordy's side of the bed and kneeled so that she was eye level with him. "Kev." She whispered. She put a hand gently on his cheek.

Wordy felt the warm hand on his face but he stayed still. He knew what Shel's next wake up tactic would be so he waited.

When that didn't work, she leaned forward and kissed him softly.

He loved the taste of her lips and relished in them for a moment before he returned her kiss. When she moved back he opened his eyes and smiled at her. He realized the sun was up and sat up, panicked. He looked to his left and was glad to see that Sam was still sleeping.

"Hey." Shel put a hand on his arm. "It's ok. It's 6:30. Ed called to make sure you were up. He said he knew you probably had a long night." She whispered. She tipped her head towards the living room, stood and walked to the door.

Wordy followed her out and to the kitchen where she had already started the coffee. He stuck his nose in the air and sniffed. "Aahh." He looked at her and smiled.

"How many?"

He frowned at her. "What?" He picked his coffee cup on the counter and poured some steaming hot goodness into a cup.

"Nightmares." Shelly tipped her head at him and took the pink coffee mug from him.

"Eh. Just a few." He shrugged, pours himself a cup and sipped it, not looking at her.

"I heard at least three." She raised her brows.

Wordy looked out the kitchen to the living room. He walked towards the back porch and tipped his head for her to follow him. Once outside he said in a quiet voice. "I don't want Sam to feel bad, although I'm sure he remembers. He woke up at least seven times." He shook his head.

Shel put an arm around his waist and pulled him close. She knew it had to have been rough, Kevin had some impressive circles under his eyes. She also knew that he wouldn't stay home. The team needed him. They were already down a man and couldn't afford for another to be out. He would push through the day and go to bed as soon as the girls were down for the night.

"I'm ok." He put his forehead on hers for a moment before he kissed her forehead.

"I know." She nodded. "Just be extra careful today."

He looked down at her with love and gratefulness. "I will." He leaned down and kissed her before he pulled away. "Go back to sleep, the girls won't be up for another hour."

"Not a chance." Shel smiled. She relished the moments she could have to herself. She loved her girls with all her heart, but any time she could spare for a little "me time" was pretty precious.

Wordy walked back into the house and headed upstairs to change for work. Ten minutes later he came down the stairs with his duffle in one hand. He stopped at the doorway to the living room when he heard voices from Sam's room.

"I know. After Kevin and some friends helped me leave my husband, I had horrible nightmares. It took time and support from my friends and family before I felt ok again." Shelly looked at Sam with understanding. Her heart went out to him and she knew he needed her empathy, not sympathy.

Sam look at her and nodded. He was so frustrated he want do hit something. That is until he started talking to Shelly. He could see what Wordy saw in his wife. She was so caring, understanding and calming in the way she spoke to him. She'd had a rough life, but she embraced it and used it to help others. He admired her for that. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

Shelly gave him a reassuring smile and said, "Sophie and Germaine should be here in a couple hours. You should try to take a nap." She suggested hopefully. The circles under his eyes were worrying.

"Yeah." Sam nodded. He sat on the bed and took off his socks. He looked up as she started to walk out. "Thanks Shel." After she left he laid down and was instantly asleep.

Wordy smiled and waited for Shel to come out of the bedroom. "That's my girl." He whispered. He watched as Shel turned and closed the door behind her. He kissed her when she walked up to him smiling. "Have I told you what a wonderful woman you are?"

Shel smiled and shook her head. "No."

He put his free arm around her and pulled her close. He lightly kissed her forehead. "You are amazing and I am proud to be your husband."

Shel leaned into him and hugged him tight. "I love you."

"I love you too." Wordy pulled back and headed to the door. "Tell the girls I love them."

"They love you too. Be safe and keep the peace." Shel answered automatically, completing their morning goodbye ritual.

"I will." He turned and left the house.

Shel watched him go then turned and returned to the kitchen. She refilled her coffee cup and returned to the porch, sighing as she sat in one of the lounge chairs. She looked at her watch and smiled, knowing the girls would soon be clamoring down the chairs in search of breakfast.

##### SRU HQ 0700 #####

Greg watched Wordy walk in with his duffel on his shoulder and met him in the small hall before Winnie's desk. "Hey Wordy." He smiled. When Wordy looked up he confirmed that the circles under his friend's eyes were indeed dark and deep.

"Hi Boss. Good workout?" Wordy stopped, smiled and decided to keep it light. He knew he probably looked like hell.

"How's Sam?" Greg asked lifting his chin slightly.

"Uh, ok." He sighed, let the bag fall from his shoulder and looked at Greg with concern. "He had a rough night, but Shel convinced him to go back to bed. Hopefully he'll sleep for awhile."

Greg nodded slightly. "Nightmares?"

Wordy nodded. "Bad." He looked past Greg at the team waiting in the briefing room.

"Listen, we're going to train today. Team Three is covering and we can back them up if needed. Why don't you go home and get some rest?" Greg gave him a sincere look and hoped he bought it. He hadn't talked to Donna or the Commander yet, but it was feasible.

Wordy looked back at Greg and raised a brow. "Doing things in reverse order today?" At Greg's expression he smiled. Yup, I can read you like a book, he thought with guile.

Greg tried to keep the surprise from his face, but he knew he was caught. "You helped Sam get through the night. Now let us help you." Greg gave him a serious look.

Ed walked up and looked at Greg then Wordy. Damn, he looks like hell, he thought as he took in Wordy's face. He understood then why Greg had just said what he said. "He's right you know." He raised a brow at his old friend. "We've got this."

"I appreciate it, but Sophie and Germaine will be with him. They'll be fine." Wordy looked between the two men with determination.

Ed looked at Greg and sighed as he looked back at Wordy. "Fine, but I will put you in the truck if I see even one yawn, got it?" He said seriously.

"Copy." Wordy nodded.

##### Wordy & Shelly's house #####

"Thanks again for doing this, we all appreciate it." Sophie said as she got out of the driver's side of her car. She smiled across the top of the car as Germaine unfolded himself from the passenger seat.

"I can't believe you drive this clown car." Germaine laughed as he towered over the car.

"Yeah well it's wasn't made for Germaine the giant." She laughed and put a hand up towards him. She had to look up to look in his eyes, but she was used to it. Germaine had always been tall.

"Jealous." He rolled his eyes and followed her to the door.

"You wish." Sophie smiled and smacked his arm with the back of her hand then used it to knock on the door.


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Sorry for the wait! Hope it's worth it! Let me know! Thanks again for commenting, following and favorites on this story! Please keep it up!**

 **###########**

"I think you two are conspiring against me." Germaine whined as he threw his cards down for the third time. "Either that or I've gotten very bad at Rummy." He eyed his sister warily.

"Sounds like maybe you're a poor sport." Sophie teased. "You know you can't beat me. I am The Rummy Queen." She said the last part haughtily, put a hand on her chest and closed her eyes.

Shelly laughed. "It's true. I haven't ever done this well against her." She threw her cards in the pile and marked their scores. "Something changed." She arched a brow at him.

Germaine picked up the cards and started shuffling. "Yeah, she always was lucky when it comes to games."

"What do you mean by that?" Sophie looked at him with mock shock.

"Ha! How many times did Angéliné, Sylvie and I catch you cheating?" He raised a brow at her.

"Pfft." Sophie scoffed. "As many times as Frank and I caught you and Angéliné cheating."

"Hmmm." Germaine eyed her, then put two fingers to his eyes, pointed them at her and narrowed his eyes. He started passing out the cards.

Shelly laughed as she picked up her cards and looked at them. Her face fell as she looked through the door of the living room with concern. Her gaze fell on the clock on the oven behind Sophie. It was nearly noon. She was glad Sam was actually getting some sleep, but it worried her that he wasn't up yet.

They'd stayed in the living room for the first couple hours watching tv in companionable silence. When they didn't hear any sounds from the bedroom they'd started to play a few card games. The house was quiet except for their playful banter so it was easy to hear Sam if he cried out.

##### inside the bedroom #####

Sam stood with his forehead resting against the door and his hand against the smooth wood, listening to the playful sibling banter. He'd been up for at least an hour, but hadn't gotten up the courage or energy to go out and see his friends. More than anything, he was afraid. Afraid that they would think less of him because of his current state. Afraid they would ask how he was and that he didn't have the energy to lie and say he was ok when he really wasn't.

The nightmares were horrendous all night long, never letting him get much sleep. He would dream about the call with Derrick, the one where he shot his friends dead or about the many terrible things he went through while he was in JTF2. He wondered sometimes why he'd stayed so long in the Special Forces, but he knew the answer. Matt. If Matt and his unit buddies hadn't been there, he would've left JTF2 or died. It was Matt's dream to be in JTF2 and after all they'd been through together, he wouldn't leave Matt to go through it alone. He should've left him though, Matt would still be alive.

The loss hit him hard in the heart and he crossed an arm across his chest, shutting his eyes tight. It hurt to breathe so he took small breaths. A picture of Craze crossed his vision and the hurt spread across his chest. His shoulders shook as the tears formed and fell down his cheeks. He stepped back from the door, walked backwards and sat heavily on his messy bed. He put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands as he struggled to weep silently. He didn't want anyone to know he was crying. Real men don't cry.

Shelly stopped at the door for a moment when she heard him crying. It broke her heart to hear him hurting like that. She eased the door open, walked in and closed it behind her softly. She walked to him and without a word sat on the bed and pulled him into her arms. She put a hand on his neck and rubbed her fingers across it soothingly. She looked to the ceiling as a silent plea for help. Please help him through this, she pleaded.

After several minutes Sam pulled back from her but kept his head down. He couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye, his embarrassment was overwhelming. A tissue was put in his hand and he nodded in thanks without looking up. He tossed the tissue in the basket and looked at the floor.

"Talk to me Sam." Shelly said softly.

"It hurts so much." He said quietly and shook his head. "I miss them so much." He swiped at his eyes, then looked at her angrily. "It's not fair. They were so young. Taken from their families for no damned reason!" His voice raised a decibel. "They were doing their **jobs**! Protecting all of us and those, those assholes take them from us?!" He stood and clenched and unclenched his fists. He wanted to hit something, but he knew he couldn't so he paced.

Shelly stood and put her hands up when he nearly walked into her. She put a hand on each arm. She could feel him shaking, his whole body vibrating with anguish and rage. "I know it hurts." She looked at him with understanding and concern. "And it's not fair. It never will be." She stood rigidly, dropped her hands from his arms and said, "so if you want to hit something, hit me. I can take it." She closed her eyes and waited.

Sam looked at her, confused. "What?" He frowned at her.

"Hit me." She stepped one foot back so that she could try to keep from falling. When nothing happened she opened her eyes and saw him looking at her in disbelief. She leaned forward and stared directly in his eyes. "I'm them. The Taliban, ISIS, the enemy. I'm the one you're mad at. I killed them. So do want you've been wishing you could do. Hit me. Make me pay."

"Shel, I.." Sam shook his head and stepped back from her.

"No." She raised her eyebrows and shook her head. "I was 10,000 miles away, making a life for myself outside of the military." She put a hand up, palm up. "I found a place to belong and people that love me and treat me like family. It's MY fault. I killed him because I wasn't there." Tears started to fill her eyes. "I should've been there. I should've left the job and people I love and been there to die with him!" Her face was red with anger while tears streamed down her face.

Sam stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. "Shh." He soothed. Her rant ran through his head. She hit the nail on the head. That was exactly how he felt. He put his chin on her shoulder and let the tears fall. After several minutes he pulled back from her and smiled. He stepped past her to the bedside table and got tissues for them both. Once they blew their noses, Sam looked at Shelly with admiration. "Thank you."

She gave him a small smile. "You're welcome." She looked to the door and tipped her head towards it. "You ready?"

His gaze fell to the door and he blew out a breath. Could he face the world? Face the questions? Could he tell them the truth? I guess we'll find out, he thought. He looked at her and nodded.

They walked out of the bedroom together and headed to the kitchen where Sophie and Germaine were making sandwiches.

"Hungry Sam?" Sophie looked up from the sandwich she was cutting in half and smiled at him.

"Starving." Sam nodded and sat at the table.

"You remember my brother Germaine?" Sophie pointed the knife at the man next to her who was assembling the sandwiches.

Sam nodded. "Yeah we met at the picnic last year. How you doing?" He hitched his chin at Germaine.

"Good thanks." Germaine eyed the younger man. "You catch some shut eye?"

"A little." Sam lifted a shoulder nonchalantly. "You still feel like going for a run?" He raised a brow at Germaine and took a big swig of the coffee Shelly handed him before she turned back into the kitchen.

"Definitely." Germaine nodded and handed the last sandwich to Sophie. He turned, wiped his hands together over the sink and then washed them. He picked up the sandwich makings and put everything away. He picked up the jar of pickles and mustard while Sophie picked up the plate of sandwiches and the mayonnaise. They brought everything to the table and sat down. Germaine sat next to Sam while Sophie sat next to Shelly.

They shared a companionable silence as they ate. After they were done, Sam and Shelly cleaned up while Germaine and Sophie chatted with them about their children.

"So you have how many?" Shelly asked. She turned from the sink and gave him an incredulous look, unsure if the number he said was real.

"Seven." Germaine laughed and looked at his sister. "Soph calls my wife 'fertile myrtle'."

"Actually I call you crazy. I love all your kids, but you had them all like 13 months apart!" Sophie laughed.

"Wow." Shelly scoffed and turned back to the sink. "You guys are brave."

"So you have two sets of twins?" Sam raised his brows as he dried the plates.

"Yep." Germaine nodded. "Gregoire and Amelie are 10 months old. Henri and Lilianne are 3. Then I have Yasmine who is 22 months, Isme is 4 ½ and Genny is 6. And.." He raised a brow at Sophie.

"No!" Sophie's eyebrows nearly flew off her face and she slapped his shoulder. "You cad!" She laughed. "My god! Poor Cait!"

"Yep. She's due in December." Germaine said proudly.

"Congrats!" Shelly turned and looked at him again after she pulled the plug in the sink to let the water out. She wiped her hands on the towel.

"Yeah, congrats. That's awesome." Sam smiled. "Hopefully it's only one this time."

Germaine gave him a cheshire cat grin. "Nope. Not us."

"Twins again?" Sophie asked as Shelly and Sam joined them at the table.

"Cait wishes." Germaine rolled his eyes. "Triplets."

"Oh my god!" Sophie smiled from ear to ear. "Congratulations!" She stood, ran to the other side of the table and hugged Germaine tightly.

"Thanks sis." Germaine hugged her back then looked at her with amusement. "Get your auntie arms ready. These will be our last."

Sophie laughed and sat back down on her side of the table. "Oh? You don't want to go for a dozen? You could have your own football team!"

"Oh god no!" Germaine leaned back as he laughed. "Cait would kill me. We thought we were done, but I guess fate had other plans. She said I have to stay away once the babies are born. No more surprises." He smiled deeply as he thought of his family. His children were everything to him and the hurt of leaving them increased as they had more children. He had no idea how Cait was able to handle seven young children while he was deployed overseas for months at a time. That was changing though, with three more coming he had to be in a more normal, stable profession.

Sam listened to the exchange and tried to stay engaged, but the more he heard Germaine talk about his children, the more he thought about Craze's fatherless kids. He started sniper breathing to distract himself from the dark path his mind had wandered down. He stood suddenly and walked to his room, ignoring the questions from Sophie and Shelly.

Germaine watched Sam for a moment. He could see that Sam was desperately trying to keep an "I'm fine" mask in place, but it was starting to slip. When he stood, Germaine watched him walk unceremoniously out of the kitchen and straight to his room. He put up a hand when Sophie and Shelly started to get out of their seats as they called to Sam. "I got it." He stood and walked towards Sam's room.

He let out a breath, walked to the bed and sat down, bouncing a little on the mattress. Sam put his head in his hands, but decided he couldn't break down right now. He walked to his dresser, pulled out his running clothes and hurried to the bathroom.

"Sam?" Germaine knocked softly on the bedroom door. He didn't hear anything so he put his ear close to the door and slowed his breathing so it didn't muffle any sounds. Not hearing anything he knocked once more and slowly opened the door. He was surprised to find the room empty. With a frown he walked into the room and looked at the windows. He moved a little closer and saw that the small amount of dust on the sash wasn't disturbed. Didn't go out the window, he thought. He turned back towards the door and saw the bathroom door. He walked over to it and heard the sounds of Sam getting dressed. He went to the bed and sat down.

After he was dressed, Sam walked out of the bathroom. He was surprised to see Germaine sitting on his bed and jumped a little when he saw Germaine out of the corner of his eye. "Jeeez. Give a guy a heart attack." He put a hand to his chest.

"Sorry." Germaine laughed softly. "You ok?"

Sam tipped his head to the side in a sort of shrug and walked to the hamper. "How far you want to go?" He put his laundry in the hamper and closed it. He stood at the dresser gathering his MP3 player, armband and heart monitor watch.

"Doesn't matter to me. I usually do a couple 10 mile runs a day." He narrowed his eyes at Sam. "You didn't answer my question."

"Ten is good for me." Sam looked in the mirror at Germaine then looked down at his MP3 player, put an earbud on each shoulder and tucked the player in his armband.

"That good huh?" Germaine raised a brow. "Listen, I know you don't know me that well, but I am here to try to help." He watched Sam for a moment and continued. "I'm sorry if kids is a sore subject for you."

"They aren't." Sam shrugged and looked down at his feet. Where did I put my sneaks, he thought. He turned and walked to the closet by the door.

"Ok." Germaine said. "Something is."

Sam blew out a breath, shot Germaine a "time to back off" look and returned to searching for the sneakers that were sitting right in front of him. "I'll wait for you outside." He grabbed the sneakers and walked out of the room.

"All right." Germaine watched him leave. Diversion and avoidance, he thought. Got it. Wordy was right when he said they couldn't push Sam too hard. Shut down was imminent. "On your time. I get it." He said aloud. He pushed himself up off the bed and walked to the entry way. As he put his sneakers on he thought, time to work off some of that anger. He walked outside and smiled at Sam. "Ready?"

"Yep." Sam said as he stretched.

"You lead the way." Germaine put a hand out in front of him. As they started at a fairly moderate pace he thought, this is going to be interesting.


	19. Chapter 19

"Sam!" Germaine jumped up from the bench he was sitting on and sprinted across the street to the store that two punks with guns had just walked into. The same store Sam had gone in moments before to get a water. Damn it! Why hadn't he gone with Sam, he thought angrily. He stood next to the window and moved forward slowly, looking inside. He could see the two kids and the clerk, but not Sam.

He looked down the street and saw a patrol car rolling towards him. He stepped back from the window and waited until the car was within a few feet of him. He caught the eye of the officer and held it. He could see the officer was looking at him hard, probably thinking he was up to something. He pointed inside then held his hand up in the shape of a gun. Then he changed it to two fingers. The officer pulled to the curb and jumped out. Germaine walked to him.

"What's going on?" Officer O'Gready asked the man.

"Two kids with guns just went in there and are robbing the place. My friend Sam is in there too." Germaine explained, keeping his voice calm.

"Ok, just the three? Anyone else in there?" O'Gready noticed that the man was very calm which was unusual if his friend was in trouble.

"No." Germaine shook his head and turned back to the door when he heard it open. He saw the both boys stop dead when they saw him and the officer.

"Cops!" The first boy said, panicked. He lifted his gun and fired in rapid succession.

The second boy ducked back into the store.

Germaine saw the kid bring the gun up and fell on top of the officer as the gun fired. He frowned and grunted when the hot metal tore through his right shoulder and grazed the officer's neck. He put a hand on the officer's neck and looked back at the kid who was looking wide eyed at them.

"Oh my god oh my god oh god." The brunette said as he looked at the smoking gun. His heart raced as he stepped back into the store, slammed the door shut, locked it and pulled down the shade. He walked to the big window, grabbed the cord and let the large metal blinds slide to the floor. Looking around he ran back to the door and hit the lights. He walked behind the counter and found it empty. Where's the owner, he thought confused.

##### inside the store 10 minutes earlier #####

Sam was staring at the drink selections, when the door sensor at the front of the store dinged twice to indicate two customers had entered. He heard the the owner gasp and then a young voice.

"Give me all the money!" The masked kid said, his curly brunette hair poking out of his hoodie.

"Yeah grandpa." The shorter blonde sneered.

Sam looked towards the counter and saw the flash of metal. He immediately got on the floor behind the end of the aisle next to him. This was a small store so there were only three rows of shelves. He turned and peeked out from the end of the aisle towards the front of the store. He couldn't see either subject so he moved silently to the next end cap. He listened to the owner trying to talk to the subjects and smiled.

"No." The owner, Mr. King, said gruffly. "I'm sick of you kids comin' in here and taking my hard earned money." He leaned across the counter, unafraid of the gun pointed at him. "You don't have to go down this road. There's more out there for ya than the gangs 'round here. They don't lead to anything good."

The blonde looked at the old man with skepticism. "You don't know-" he said and started to shake. The guys that had pushed them to do this had made it clear, do this or die. He looked at his friend with fear.

The brunette met his friend's scared look and shook his head. He looked back at the old man with renewed bravado. "Come on old man, quit stallin'."

King leaned back and glared at the brunette. He looked at the register, but caught movement in the corner of his eye. He looked to his right, but made it look like he was looking under the counter. He saw Sam crawl silently to the end of the deli case. He knew he liked that young SRU officer. He looked back to the left and found the register key. He pretended he couldn't find it.

"Hurry up or I'll shoot you!" The brunette growled and stepped closer to the counter.

Sam moved down the walkway behind the deli counter and stopped when Mr. King put a hand out towards him with his palm out. He slid into the opening between the deli case and the register counter. He looked down at his feet and saw that the bottom foot of the deli case was a shiny metal and smiled. He could see the two subjects perfectly.

"Ok kid, ok." King grabbed the key and brought it up to the register drawer. He fit it in the lock and looked out the window. He saw a police cruiser roll by slowly. He smiled slightly and pulled open the drawer. He handed the kids the money and stepped back. He looked out the window and saw the cop was talking to a dark haired man. Unfortunately, as the two boys left the store they saw the cop and froze. He saw this and ran to Sam. "Come on." He whispered.

"Back door?" Sam asked as he stood and they hurried towards the back of the store. They had taken a couple steps when they heard a shot. Sam pulled Mr. King's arm and they ran to the back room. They had just gotten through the door when the door sensor beeped twice. Sam turned, closed the door and locked it. He looked at Sean King. "Where's the door?" He whispered.

Sean pointed to the door five feet from them.

"Ok ." Sam looked around the storage room.

"No we're both getting out." Sean shook his head and frowned.

"No." Sam looked up and saw that the ceiling was open. "No time to argue. Go. I'm going up so I can help my team. Go." Sam climbed up on some boxes, grabbed onto the beams and pulled himself up.

With an irritated growl, Sean walked to the back door, opened it and walked out. He ran around to the front of the store where the cop and dark haired man were leaning against the building. "Oh god. Are you two ok?" He crouched down in front of them.

A bystander walked to them, talking on their phone. "I'm calling 911." He put a hand over his phone and then started talking to the 911 operator.

##### inside the store, ceiling #####

Sam crawled carefully along the drop ceiling, keeping to the beams as he knew they would hold him. He stopped, sat on a beam and pulled out his phone. He blew out a breath. Man it's hot in here, he thought as he wiped his forehead on his arm.

He looked at the phone for a moment. He knew he had to call the SRU and get the team here, but he was worried. Could he put everything he was going through aside and help them with this incident? He wasn't so sure. What if he had a flashback? He had to, he told himself, they need him to be their inside man. He hit speed dial number seven and waited while it rang.

##### SRU HQ #####

"SRU." Winnie answered and listened. "Copy, hold a moment." She hit the alarm and looked into the briefing room where Team One was debriefing from their third call today. No rest for the wicked, she thought as she heard and saw them all rise and look at her. "Hot call, robbery gone sideways at King's Street Grocery. Two young men with guns."

"Let's go!" Ed looked at the Wordy, Spike and Jules and they headed to the SUVs. He stopped next to Greg who was standing at Winnie's desk.

"We know any more?" Greg asked.

Winnie nodded. "Witness said he saw the two boys go in and pull guns on the clerk. The gunmen came out when he was talking to a cop and shot at them. Both were hit, EMS is on the way."

"Ok, feed me any info you can find out on our subjects." Greg looked at Ed and they headed to the SUVs.

"Copy." Winnie looked back at her screen and started talking to the 911 operator. A minute later another call came in. She let 911 go since they couldn't get any more info and picked up the other line. "SRU."

"Hey Winnie."

"Sam." She smiled. "Uh, if you wanted the team, they just went out on a call."

Sam sighed. He could hear the two kids frantically looking for the owner and getting angrier by the moment. These two were a powder keg with a short fuse. "I know. I'm at the store." He whispered.

Winnie gasped. "Are you somewhere safe you can talk?"

"Yeah. I'm in the rafters."

"Ok, hold on I'm patching you into the team."

##### Greg & Ed's SUV #####

"Go ahead Winnie." Greg looked at Ed.

"I have Sam on the line, he says he's in the King Street Grocery."

Greg frowned. "In it? Patch him in." He waited a moment for the line to click. "Sam? What's going on?" His heart skipped a beat. How did Sam get involved? Can they keep him from having a flashback and if so can he help them?

"I just wanted a damn water." Sam said irritably. "Two gunmen with pug nose .38's. They can't be more that 16 or 17. I got the owner out." His head snapped up in realization. "I was on a run with Germaine. He ok?"

"We don't know. We're.." Greg looked at Ed in askance.

"Three minutes out." Ed said evenly.

"Three minutes away. We had a report of shots fired. What did you see?" Greg asked.

"I was at the coolers at the back. I heard the door ringer and then saw the two kids telling the owner to give them the money. I snuck along the back to the deli counter then down towards the owner. He stalled them, tried to talk them out of it but the younger one wouldn't listen. He gave them the money and started walking back to me. We heard the shot and ran for the storage room. I got him out the back and climbed into the ceiling." Sam explained.

"Excellent work Sam. That back door still open?" Ed smiled as he pulled up to the store.

"Yes."

Greg looked at Ed with concern as they got out of the SUV. "Can you see them right now?"

"No. Stand by." Sam flipped over to his belly, picked up the corner of a ceiling tile and verified the subjects weren't near him. They were huddled in the back of the store trying desperately to get the storage door open. He broke the edge of the tile and put it back down. He broke the corners of the surrounding corners so that he had a 360 view of the store. "I have eyes. Better hurry, they're working on the storage door. It has a knob and slide locks but they aren't that solid."

"Copy." Greg nodded.

"Greg." Ed looked at him with concern. They both turned off their coms.

"I know Eddie." Greg answered with concern of his own. "Maybe this will help him."

"If he has a flashback, this whole thing could go up in flames." Ed shook his head.

"I know. We gotta let him try." Greg said softly. He hoped he was right that Sam could handle this. He picked up the bullhorn and pointed it at the building. "Hello. This is Sergeant Greg Parker of the Strategic Response Unit. I'm going to be calling the store phone. Please pick it up. I want to help you." He pulled out his phone and started dialing.

Ed and Wordy ran over to the ambulance to check on the injured.

"Germaine?" Ed's eyebrows flew to his forehead.

"Yeah. I'm ok. Help Sam." Germaine nodded. The medics had given him a pain med and it was starting to kick in. "I'll call Sophie. Be safe." He looked at them both.

Ed nodded and Wordy hit his shoulder. They ran to the back door while Jules and Spike were standing by at the front.

##### back of the store #####

Wordy looked at Ed, who nodded, and he opened the door. They moved into the storage room and cleared it. "We're in." He whispered as they moved to the side of the door to the store that opens. They could hear the kids pushing and pulling on the door to try to get it to open. They were talking in aggravated and hurried tones.

Ed heard the phone ringing and the pounding stopped. He looked at Wordy. "First contact."


	20. Chapter 20

"Forget it Lucas! God damned thing won't open." The blonde put a hand on the brunette's shoulder and pulled. "We gotta get out of here. If V-kid finds out we screwed up we're dead."

"Don't you think I know that?" Lucas turned to him angrily. The constant ringing of the phone was adding to his irritation. "That's why I'm working." He pulled on the knob, "on" Pull. "This." Hard, frustrated pull. "DOOR!" He shut his eyes and pulled with all his might. What he didn't know was that there was an SRU officer holding onto the doorknob on the other side. "Fuck!" Lucas growled and kicked the bottom of the door. He looked around the store. "We gotta find another way out."

"Ok. How?" The blonde shrugged and put his hands up.

"I don't know Devlin! Shut up a second." Lucas looked at his friend and frowned. Sometimes he was so annoying!

##### storage room inside the store #####

Ed gave an audible sigh of relief and nodded at Wordy who stepped back from the door. He wasn't sure what would've happened if the two kids had made it through the door. No one wanted to point their gun at kid. He pointed to the ceiling with his hand and said, "Wordy."

"Copy." Wordy nodded, climbed up on some boxes, grabbed the beam above him and pulled himself. He saw Sam about ten feet in front of him. When Sam looked up at him he felt a small pang of fear. Oh god I hope he can handle this, he thought. He smiled and moved forward on the beams. He put his hand out when he got close and showed Sam the earwig and camera.

Sam took a breath, nodded and took both items without looking at Wordy. After a moment he looked at Wordy and saw his assessing gaze. Yeah, he thought, I'm not so sure either. When Wordy turned to go Sam put a hand on his shoulder. "Wordy." With one word he conveyed everything he was feeling.

Wordy turned and looked at Sam. "I know. It's ok. I'm going to be in your ear the whole time. Just me. The team can hear you, but can't talk to you." He said evenly.

"What if they need me-" Sam frowned and shook his head. This could go sideways so easily.

"They won't. We need your eyes only." Wordy whispered and looked down through the hole Sam made at the two kids arguing loudly. "You've got this. I'll be right here." He pointed to his earpiece.

"What if I-" Oh god, he couldn't risk their safety. Sam shook his head vehemently. "I shouldn't have come up here."

"Sam, trust me and listen to my voice. I will keep you safe." Wordy whispered with determination.

Sam blew out a breath and nodded. "Ok." He set the main part of the camera on the metal crossbar for the tiles and put the tube down into the hole enough so they could see the whole space.

"Ok." Wordy hit Sam's arm, gave him a look of solidarity and crawled back to the storage room. He dropped quietly back to the floor of the storage room and resumed his coverage of the door.

##### inside main part of store #####

"WHAT?!" Lucas picked up the phone and yelled. He was sick of listening to the damned thing ring.

"Hi. This is Sergeant Greg Parker of the Strategic Response unit. Can I ask who it is I'm talking to?"

"What do you want pig?" Lucas turned to Devlin and rolled his eyes.

"I want to help you. You and your friend. We all want to go home safe today right?" Greg asked.

"We want out of here." Lucas said nervously. "We want a car, out front and you're going to let us go."

"Ok. I'll start working on that, but I'd like to be able to tell them who I'm talking to-" Greg made a face and looked at the phone when he heard a dial tone. "Not yet." He nodded. "Spike, need you to try to identify these two."

Spike looked at Jules and headed to the truck. "Copy. On my way."

##### command truck #####

Spike stepped into the truck and nodded at the Boss. He sat at the table and started clicking away. It didn't take long after he took screen grabs of the two boys to find them. "Boss. Got 'em. The blonde is Devlin Johnston and the brunette is Lucas Steiner."

"Juvie records?" Greg put a hand on his shoulder.

"Family services. Both are in the foster care system and funnily enough both are currently living with the Francois, Sergi and Josephine, 3312 Fern Ave." Spike looked up at Greg.

"Ok, you have a number for them?"

"Of course." Spike gave him an incredulous look. "Dialing now."

Greg smirked and put his phone to his ear.

##### hospital #####

"Yes, my brother Germaine Vinsui was brought in." Sophie said hurriedly to the young girl at the ER desk. She turned to Shelly when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She was glad Shelly was with her when she got the call. There's no way she could've driven through the tears.

"Ok let me check." The young girl nodded and checked the computer. She looked up at the two women. "Are you family?"

"Yes. I'm his sister. Please, is he ok?" Sophie nodded and sniffed.

"Just one moment. I'll get the doctor." The girl stood and hurried through the ER doors.

"It's ok." Shelly pulled Sophie into a hug.

Sophie pulled back and gave a small smile. "Thanks. You'd think after the injuries the team's had this would be easy."

"I know. You'd think they were accident prone or something." Shelly laughed. "Seems like we're here at least twice a week."

With a scoffing laugh, Sophie rolled her eyes. "Yeah maybe we should invest in some bubble wrap for them."

"I think we'll go broke." Shelly chuckled.

"Germaine Vinsui's family?" A middle aged man in scrubs asked as he looked at the two women.

"Yes. I'm his sister Sophie Lane." She nodded and turned towards the voice.

"Lane?" He frowned. "Are you related to Ed Lane?" He looked at her curiously.

Sophie smirked. Of course the ER doctor knows Ed. "He's my husband."

"Ah ok." Doctor Neilsen nodded. "Glad he's not here, but it doesn't seem to stray far from him does it?"

"Unfortunately, no." Sophie remarked. "Is Germaine ok?" She put a hand to her throat.

"Yes, sorry." The Doctor apologized. "He was very lucky, it went straight through the shoulder and didn't hit anything major. He can go home tonight. We'll give him some pain meds and he'll be out of work for at least six weeks. He'll need to do PT, but he should recover fully."

"Oh good. Oh thank you. Thank you so much. Can I go see him?" Sophie sighed and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Yes, certainly. Has his wife or significant other been called?" The doctor nodded and turned toward the swinging ER doors.

"Oh, do you want me to-? Shelly asked after them.

Sophie looked back at her. "No thanks. HE'S going to explain to Cait. I am not getting in the middle of that one." She put her hands up in mock surrender, winked and followed the doctor into the ER. She heard Shelly laugh behind her before the doors swung back together. She followed the doctor to the curtained area and walked in. "Ger." she said softly, using her nickname for him, and walked to him. She took his hand in hers.

"Hey sis. They give you the news?" Germaine looked up when she walked in. He could see he was in trouble. He wasn't looking forward to explaining to Cait, she'll be furious.

"Yeah. You ok? You in any pain?" She looked at him with concern.

"I'm ok." He gave her a serious look. "I'm sorry I- OW! Damn it Soph."

Sophie punched his thigh hard and glared at him.

"Damn you pack a wallop." Germaine looked at her and rubbed his thigh.

"Yeah well.." Sophie sighed and crossed her arms across her chest.

Germaine gave her a small smile. "Do you know if the cop is ok?"

"No." She shook her head. It'd scared her when Winnie had called and told her Germaine and an officer had been shot during a robbery. Being a cop's wife had prepared her for a call like that, but it still got her heart pounding.

"I'm fine." Officer O'Gready answered as he stepped into the curtained area with a bandage taped to his head by his ear.

"Good to see you up and about officer." Germaine smiled.

"It's good to be seen." O'Gready nodded, a serious look in his looked down at the hat in his hands and back at Germaine. "Thank you doesn't really seem like it's enough."

"It is though. I know you would've done the same for me." Germaine returned his serious and thankful look.

O'Gready nodded and shrugged slightly. "True." He looked at the woman next to the man in the bed. They looked alike. "Are you his sister?"

"Yes. I'm Sophie Lane." She stepped to him and shook his hand.

"Ed Lane of the SRU's wife?"

"Yes." Sophie smiled.

"I worked with him and Kevin Wordsworth in the 51st. I was sad to see them go, but damned proud of what they've accomplished on Team One of the SRU." O'Gready stated proudly.

"They'll be happy to hear that, but I didn't catch your name." Sophie tipped her head.

"Oh, It's Officer Jamie O'Gready." The older man nodded.

"Nice to meet you sir." Germaine nodded in respect.

"You too." Jamie nodded back. "So are you SRU too?"

Germaine smiled and moved slightly causing a twinge in his shoulder, he hid a groan by clearing his throat. "No. Army Special Forces. I'm on leave." He looked at Sophie. "Guess it's going to be extended for awhile. Good timing." He winked at her.

"You planning on getting out?" Jamie guessed.

"Yeah. Just found out my wife is pregnant with triplets so I'd like to be closer to home to help her with the other seven." Germaine stopped and watched the older man's face drop in surprise.

"Ten kids?! Wow." Jamie shook his head. "Makes the five Claire and I had seem like nothing." He smiled with understanding. He loved his children with all his heart. If they'd been able to keep going that would've been fine with him, but Claire had a really hard time with their last son Murtaugh. Luckily their oldest daughter Brianna was a big help with the younger kids while Claire recuperated.

"Five is still a lot!" Sophie chuckled. "Especially compared to my one."

"It's not too late for one more." Germaine winked at her.

"Yeah, we'll see." Sophie crossed her arms across her chest.

"You thinking of anything specific you'd like to do?" Jamie asked as he looked at Germaine.

"I'm not sure. I was a medic in my unit, but I know those are long hours sometimes. I'll figure it out though." Germaine smiled.

##### store ceiling #####

Sam started sniper breathing. I can do this, I'm fine, he thought. He watched the blonde kid talking on the phone while the brunette tried the back door again. The Boss had been trying to talk the blonde subject into surrender for the past 40 minutes and it sounded like maybe he was getting through. He watched the brunette kick the door in frustration and walk back to his friend. He shifted on the beam so that his crossed legs rested on the tiles. Most of his weight was on the beam.

"How you doin' Sam?" Wordy whispered.

"Sweating like a pig." Sam wiped his forehead with the collar of his shirt.

"What is your take on the brunette?" Wordy asked, hoping that it would distract Sam enough to keep him from having a flashback.

He leaned forward slightly, putting a little more weight on his knees. "Subject on the phone is threat level yellow, but the other subject keeps pushing him towards red every time he paces close to subject one. He- whoa- aggh!"

##### store storage room #####

"Sam? Status?" Wordy looked at Ed and saw his panic mirrored there. When Ed nodded he climbed back up the boxes as fast as he could and looked down the space. "Empty. He fell through. Dammit!" Wordy dropped down and said, "Sam! Status!"

"Boss, we're going in." Ed said with an undertone of anger. He nodded again at Wordy who pulled the store room door open.


	21. Chapter 21

Sam felt his body lurch forward as his knees went through the ceiling tiles and he fell to the floor. He twisted at the last second and landed on his right side with a thump, dust floating down after him. His head hit the floor before he could get his arm all the way up to protect it and he was out cold.

"Holy sh-" Lucas exclaimed as he stared dumbfounded at the blonde man on the floor. Suddenly, everything went crazy as two men burst through the storage room door they'd tried to get through and a man and a woman burst through the front door. They were yelling commands at him but he just stared at them. He was in awe of what just happened. He came out of his stupor when a bald guy pointed his gun right in Lucas' face. He put his hands up.

"Good choice." Ed nodded, his voice gravelly with emotion. He saw Sam lying on the floor unconscious and was barely able to contain his anger.

"Sam?" Wordy knelt down next to Sam and checked for a pulse, it was strong. He could see the black and blue starting to form on the side of Sam's head where he must've hit it on the floor. "Get a medic in here!" He looked up panicked and called towards the front door. He put a hand lightly on Sam's arm. He leaned in. "Sam, don't move. Medics are coming."

"Memic?" Sam murmured. He took a breath and barely contained a groan. Shit he hurt all down his right side. He opened his eyes and locked with concerned brown ones.

"He's awake. Sam? Stay still. The medics are here and are taking you to the hospital." Jules looked at him. She could see the pain in his blue eyes and it shot a bolt through her heart. She didn't care that they weren't together, she still cared for him. If she was honest with herself, if he hurt she hurt.

The first medic knelt down next to the woman. "We've got him." He said gently. He watched as she stood and backed up into the young, dark haired officer. The officer then put his hands on her shoulders and was whispering quiet reassurances into her ear. It took them almost a half hour to get their patient ready to transport to the hospital.

Sam could hear and feel things happening around him, but they seemed to be at a distance. He could feel the pain med they gave him starting to work and the pain ease. Everything started getting fuzzy around the edges and he fought to keep his eyes open. He tried to lift his right arm up to wipe at his eyes, but that caused searing pain so he put it back on the gurney. Where is she? He saw her before, but she disappeared from sight. He lifted his left hand up as he felt himself start to move. "Jules." He whispered pleadingly. She was his light in the dark, his lifeline. She would help him.

"I'm here Sam." Jules stepped forward and took his outstretched left hand in hers. Her heart skipped a beat at the contact. Why can't things be easy for us, she thought as he looked at him and followed the gurney to the ambulance.

A moment later the meds took hold and Sam smiled. "Amboo ride?" He asked happily as the medic lifted the head of the bed slightly.

The medic looked at Jules with amusement.

She smiled at the medic. "You must've given him the good stuff."

"Is he allergic?" The medic's face fell and he asked with concern.

"No." She shook her head as she helped him get the gurney in the ambulance. "He's just really out of it when he has it so he says and does funny things."

"You comin'?" Sam lifted his brow, winced at a small bolt of pain and grinned at them, then looked past Jules and the medic to the concerned faces of his team. He used his left hand to wave emphatically and smile at them. "Be right back! Goin' for a ride!"

Spike looked at Wordy and Ed and bit his lip to keep from laughing. "Well, he's not in pain." He looked back at Sam and waved.

Jules hid a smile as she followed the medic into the ambulance. She sat down on the bench and took Sam's hand in hers as the medic checked Sam's vitals.

"Strap in. It's gonna be a BUMPY ride!" Sam said as he looked around the ambulance in anticipation.

"How are you feeling sir?" The medic asked.

"His name is Sam." Jules offered.

"But it's s secret." Sam answered, looking at the medic seriously. "You can't tell anyone. Otherwise," he looked at Jules, "my girlfriend will have to kill you."

Another stab to the heart. Jules looked away. She wished with all her heart that they could still be together, but they went through that already. They both had to move on. She looked at Sam. "We aren't dating Sam."

"No?" Sam asked innocently, feeling a pang of regret. He thought she was his. He tugged at the neck brace, not liking the restriction.

"Not any more." Jules said as gently as she could as she pulled his hand from his neck. She reached up and put her hand on his cheek but pulled it back when he put his hand over hers and tried to pull the base of her palm to his lips. She loved it when he kissed and nibbled that spot.

Sam frowned, but looked at the medic and smiled. He put his left hand up by his mouth and whispered. "I slept with her!"

"Samuel Winston Braddock!" Jules gasped then looked at him angrily.

The medic looked at Jules then back to Sam. "Lucky you." He smiled.

Jules looked at the medic with a danger in her eyes. "Change the subject oh so help me-"

"Right." The medic saw the fire in her eyes and realized he probably wouldn't survive "so help me" so he looked at Sam. "So what do you like to do for fun?"

Sam giggled and said softly, "her." He flinched when a punch landed on his left leg. "Ow. I'm gonna tell mommy on you." He pouted.

The medic tried hard to stifle his laugh but it didn't work and it came out as blast. "Ha!"

Jules gave him the stink eye again and turned to Sam. "You did a great job being our eyes Sam. We couldn't have done it without you."

"I needs to practice landing. Take off is easy, but landing without landing gear sucks." Sam shook his head slightly but winced and stilled.

"No practice until after you're off the pain meds." Jules warned.

With a chuckle Sam said, "landing without landing gear isn't landing at all."

"Ok. We're here Sam." The medic said and put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "You just relax ok? There's going to be people around you, talking to you and asking questions. You just answer as best you can."

Sam looked at the medic before he climbed out. "Questions the questions persons. Got it."

Jules laughed and climbed out of the ambulance. She followed the gurney into the hospital and stopped in the ER waiting room. She called after the medics, "make sure they put him in soft restraints. He'll hate it, but it's necessary."

The medic from the back of the ambulance looked at her and nodded. "Got it. Don't worry, he's in good hands."

Jules watched them disappear behind the swinging ER doors. She sighed, turned, walked to the uncomfortable orange plastic chairs and sat down. A few minutes later, Ed, Wordy and Spike walked into the ER.

Spike walked to Jules and sat next to her. He put a hand on her shoulder and nodded when she looked at him.

Wordy sat on the other side of Jules and put his hand on her shoulder too. He looked up at Ed who was pacing in front of them. He could see that Ed was trying to walk off his anger and guilt but it wasn't working. "Ed." He said softly.

"I shouldn't have let him stay up there. He didn't belong up there, damn it." Ed was taking gasping breaths as he paced. He put a hand over his mouth then let it drop and shook his head.

"It's not your fault Eddie, it's mine. I convinced the Boss to let him stay up there." Wordy shook his head.

"We all agreed." Spike added and looked between Wordy and Ed.

"Yes." Jules chimed in. "We all knew there was a risk that something might happen while he was up there, but we agreed. We share the guilt." She said with finality.

Ed stopped pacing and looked at her. He shook his head and continued pacing. "No. I'm the Team Leader. He's emotionally compromised and I should've-"

Wordy stood and stepped into Ed's way. Didn't he see that they all carried some piece of guilt? Why did he always take all of it? "Easy Ed. We all messed up, so we all shoulder this one." He put a hand on Ed's shoulder. When Ed started to protest, Wordy shook his head and smiled. "Not this time."

After a long pause and a sigh, Ed nodded. He agreed only a little with what Wordy was saying, but he pushed his guilt down for now.

A half hour later, Dr. McKenzie walked into the waiting room. "Sergeant Parker?"

Everyone turned at the accented voice. Greg smiled and put his hand out to the breath-taking redhead in front of him. "Yes. I'm Sergeant Parker."

After a moment, Wordy nudged Spike who immediately closed his mouth.

"I'm Doctor McKenzie. I'm taking care of Samuel Braddock. I wanted to come give you an update. First, the medics said that Mr. Braddock-"

"You can call him Sam." Jules interrupted.

"Ok, Sam." Dr. McKenzie nodded at Jules, a little peeved that she was so rudely interrupted. "The medics said Sam is a little, uh, out of it when he's on heavier sedatives so we have put him in soft restraints and are goin' to be tryin' a lower dose of pain meds. We'll see how he responds. Now, his injuries.

He broke two ribs and bruised several others so he's havin' a little trouble breathin'. That is our main worry. We don't want to, but we may have to be intubatin' him if it gets worse. He broke his humerus, the upper arm bone, close to the elbow joint. The orthopedic surgeon will be lookin' at that soon. He's bruised his hip and knee, but both seem to be ok. The X-ray tech is lookin' at those images now that we've confirmed his arm is broken. We'll be takin' him for a neck and spinal CT to make sure there's no injury there.

All in all, Sam is lucky. He may have saved his spine from any major damage because of the way he landed. I can allow only one of you in with him right now. I'll be back out after we have all of our tests back. I know this is a lot of information, but are there any questions?"

The team looked at each other. They were trying to take in all of the information, but they had an unanswered question they didn't dare ask.

Greg looked at the drawn and worried faces of his team, then looked at the gorgeous doctor in front of him. "Are any of his injuries, life threatening?" He tried to keep his voice steady but it was difficult.

Dr. McKenzie gave them all a reassuring smile. "Not unless his breathin' gets worse, but we be keepin' a close eye on that."

The group gave a great sigh of relief and looked at each other.

"Thank you doctor." Greg nodded. He loved her brogue. He turned to the others in askance.

"You go Boss. Give him our love." Jules smiled.

"Yeah but no kisses." Spike gave Jules a pointed look, then backed away when she tried to punch him. "Ok ok! Give him kisses." Spike laughed.

"I'll leave that to you Spike." Greg smiled. He turned and followed the doctor through the swinging door.

Spike watched the doctor's swinging hips until they disappeared. He was startled when Wordy leaned over and said, "not a bad view." Spike looked at Wordy and raised a brow. "Yeah. For me."

"Yeah, well my eyes may wander, but my heart belongs to my girls." Wordy put a hand over his heart and gave Spike an emotion filled look.

"That and Shelly would kick your butt." Spike laughed and put a hand on Wordy's shoulder.

"Well there's that." Wordy dropped his hand from his chest and laughed.

##### ER treatment room #####

"Hey Sam. How're you feeling?" Greg sat on the chair next to Sam's gurney.

Sam looked at Greg with frightened eyes. "I'll be good. Please can I get up?"

Greg's heart dropped at Sam's pleading voice. "You're good Sam. We're just keeping you safe. It's only for a little while ok? We need to get you fixed up first."

"Ok." Sam nodded as much as the neck collar would let him and looked at the boring ceiling. He blew out a breath over his lips making a funny noise. He smiled and kept doing it, liking the way it made his lips feel.

"So I guess you aren't in pain." Greg smiled.

"Nopey nope nope." Sam smiled. He pulled on the collar. He hated how restrictive it was. A nurse came in and he looked at her pleadingly. "Take this off now?"

She walked to the opposite side of the bed from Greg and put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Not yet sweetie. We're going to CT." She looked at Greg. "We'll be back." She unlocked the bed and made sure the IV bag was hanging from the a pole on the bed before she started rolling Sam out of the room.

"What's a CT?" Sam asked as his feet headed for the door.

"A CAT scan." The nurse smiled.

"No doggies allowed." Sam said seriously.


	22. Chapter 22

Sam opened his eyes and frowned. His head felt like it weighed a million pounds and hurt with every beat of his heart. He swallowed and realized he had a tube in his mouth. What the hell? He tried to lift his arm, but it stopped after a few inches. His other arm felt really heavy. What happened? He frowned and tried to take a breath, but it was out of sync with the rhythm of the machine and he coughed. He heard the scrape of a chair and someone move quickly to his side. The most beautiful brown eyes in the world hovered over him.

"Easy. You have a breathing tube in. Don't fight it. I'll get the doctor." Jules watched his blue eyes change from slight panic to relaxed at the sound of her voice.

He put his hand up as far as it would go and made a writing motion.

Jules saw the movement and put her hand over his, making it go back down to the bed. "After the doctor checks you out." She smiled and pushed the call button. She put her hand on his cheek then stepped back when the nurse came in. "He's awake and fighting the breathing tube." She stepped back and then out of the room to call the Sarge.

The nurse nodded then looked at Sam. "Sam. I'm going to check your vitals and then I'll get the doctor, ok? Don't fight the machine, just relax. Hopefully the doctor will be able to take the tube out." She smiled when he nodded. After a few minutes, she left the room.

After the nurse left, Sam looked up at the ceiling trying to remember what happened that he was in the hospital yet again. He moved his head to try to look towards the light streaming in from the window, but it hurt his mouth and neck. He went back to looking at the ceiling. He vaguely remembered something about an "amboo ride" and being bored because the neck brace kept him from looking anywhere but the ceiling. It was a shiny white ceiling, but it was boring to look at. CRAP. They gave him the good stuff. Oh god, he thought, I hope I didn't say or do anything embarrassing.

"He seems ok. He really doesn't like the breathing tube." Listens. "Ok Boss. I will. See you later." Jules hung up just as Dr. LaForge walked into Sam's room. He'd smiled at her when he went past and she'd returned it. He was very handsome. He was a tall blonde with grey-blue eyes and an amazingly perfect white smile.

Spike and Wordy had started relentlessly bugging her to ask him out from the moment he took over Sam's care from Dr. McKenzie yesterday. That's ok, Jules had given it right back to Spike, telling him he should ask Dr. McKenzie out. It had surprised her when Spike smirked at her, turned and walked right up to Dr. McKenzie.

"Hi again." Spike smiled.

"Hi Spike." Dr. Laurel McKenzie smiled. Her heart fluttered when she looked in his big brown doe eyes so she looked down at the chart in her hand, pretending to study it. She tried to seem a little aloof, but she wasn't so sure he was buying it.

"So, my teammate Jules didn't think I had the guts to ask you out." Spike gave her a humorous look.

"Oh really now?" She arched a brow and covertly looked past him.

He really liked the way her Scottish brogue made her roll her r's, it was so sexy. He smiled wider. "So what do you say we give them a show?"

"What do ye have in mind?" Her green eyes flashed mischievously and her brogue deepened. "Me? You want to be askin' ME out?" She said loudly and blushed. "Oh my gosh Officer. I would be SO honored." She poured it on, but kept it from being too much.

"It's my honor." Spike put his hand out and took hers in his.

She blushed and put the chart up to cover her face. After a moment, dropped the chart and smiled. "I'll talk to you soon."

"Absolutely." Spike squeezed her hand and winked before he turned away.

Wordy raised a brow when Spike walked back to them grinning like a Cheshire Cat. They'd heard the conversation, but he wasn't convinced it was real. "Wow."

With a humble shrug, Spike looked at them. "I'll call her tomorrow to firm up our plans."

"Impressive." Jules nodded, then shrugged. She looked at him incredulously. "Except that was as fake as a three dollar bill."

"What?" Spike asked innocently, his face molded into a perfect surprised look.

"Come on Spike." Wordy tipped his head back and looked at Spike with disbelief.

"We're profilers, remember?" Jules punched him lightly in the shoulder.

"Ok, yeah, I talked to her half an hour ago. We are going out tomorrow though." Spike admitted then lit up when he said the last part.

Outside Sam's room, Jules chuckled at the memory. She walked into the room and sat in the chair next to the window and in the far left corner of the room. She knew that would keep her out of the doctor's way.

Dr. Laforge smiled at Sam after he was done his exam. "Everything looks good Sam. You're doing great. I'll go get a nurse and we'll take out the breathing tube. Just relax and try not to fight the machine." He put a hand on Sam's shoulder, turned and left.

Jules got up and walked to the side of the bed. She took Sam's hand in hers, then put a pen in it and held up a notepad for him while he wrote.

"How long?" Sam's eyes flicked to hers after he finished writing.

After she looked at the pad, she looked at him. "You've been in the hospital since yesterday. Do you remember what happened?"

He narrowed his eyes and concentrated. A flash of two kids with guns came to him. He wrote and turned the pad. "Store robbery?" When she nodded he wrote again. "Kids ok?" His concerned filled eyes found hers.

"Yes. They're both in Juvie, no injuries. It sounds like they're going to do deferment. It's the first offense for both and they hope the kids will help shut down the gang that put them up to it." She explained and narrowed her eyes at him. She could see he was in pain. "What's your pain level?"

Sam held up his hand and opened his palm, then he held up three more fingers. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get his head to stop pounding.

"Ok. Relief is coming." Jules dropped the decibel of her voice, then turned and rushed out of the room.

With a small nod, Sam acknowledged he heard before she left. He knew she would to what was needed to help him. His heart swelled at the thought. He would always be hers, whether they were dating or not. For now he was happy just to be her best friend. He started sniper breathing when the pain surged and he let a small groan escape.

Dr. Laforge walked into the room with the nurse and Jules. He rushed to Sam's side and put a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Sam? What's hurting?" He said softly.

Sam wrote on the pad, then turned it towards the doctor. "Head. Ribs."

With a look at the nurse, Dr. Laforge nodded, let her come forward with the syringe, put it in the port and push the med. He moved back by Sam's head and said, "that should work pretty quickly. While it's working, we'll pull the breathing tube, ok?"

Sam nodded slightly without opening his eyes.

They waited until they saw Sam relax and with several coughs, they removed the tube. After the coughing subsided, Jules moved to the other side of the bed and put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "You ok?"

It hurt to swallow so Sam put his hand up, palm down and tipped it side to side.

"You still in pain? What's your level?" Dr. Laforge frowned. When Sam held up three fingers, he nodded.

"Here." Jules turned to the rolling table and poured him some water. She put the straw to his mouth and let him drink the whole glass. "More?" She tipped her head slightly.

"No. Thanks." Sam turned his head to the side and coughed, trying to clear his raw throat. It felt like the time he had strep as a kid. "Cuffs?" He whispered.

"We thought maybe it'd be a good idea to avoid another naked run." Jules smiled at him. She felt a small sense of relief when the side of his mouth lifted in a small smile. She undid the cuffs and looked at the doctor. "We won't need those right?"

"Yes. I think we can manage your pain without giving you the heavier pain meds." Dr. Laforge looked from Jules to Sam and nodded. "We'll see how it goes."

"Injuries?" Sam whispered. He picked up the bed remote and slowly moved the top of the bed up.

"You broke your right arm and two of your ribs on that side. You bruised several more of your ribs and had a hard time breathing so we had to intubate you. Your throat might be sore for a little while tonight, but it shouldn't last long. You were very lucky. You landed just right and was able to avoid any major injuries." Dr. Laforge explained.

"How long?" Sam asked as he leaned forward, filled another glass with water and took a long drink.

"You've been on the ventilator since last night-" Laforge stopped when Sam shook his head.

"Stay here. How long?" Sam explained as best he could. The cool water felt good on his throat so he took a sip. Now that he was in an upright position he could feel the broken ribs. After he drained the cup and put it on the table, he put his arm across his front.

Laforge looked at his patient critically. "That depends." When Sam's eyes flicked to his and he saw Sam relax a little, he said, "I want to keep you for at least two days to make sure your breathing has improved. If it does, then you can go home to finish recovering. Your right hip and knee are going to be sore due to the bruising so you may want to avoid stairs for awhile."

"Not a problem." Jules looked at Sam and smiled. "We'll make sure he behaves."

Sam narrowed his eyes at her. He wasn't going home for awhile. He understood, but it was still a little disconcerting. His eyes widened when a sudden thought came to mind. "Hannah?"

"Sarge called her. She said she'd stop in some time today to see you." Jules answered.

"Ok." Sam looked at the cup in his hand. A flood of emotion and memories of the past four days washed over him. Craze. Craze died in the line of duty. He frowned and leaned back gently onto his pillow.

Dr. Laforge frowned at Sam. He could see that his patient's face was a stone mask, but those expressive blue eyes told a different story.

Jules saw the look in Sam's eyes and turned to the doctor. She could see that he recognized the look in Sam's eyes. "Thank you Doc." She said in a pointed tone.

With a look of understanding, LaForge nodded and exited quietly from the room.

Oh god, Sam thought, I missed it. I didn't get to say goodbye. Oh Craze, I'm so sorry buddy. I let you down again. A tear escaped from his eye and rolled down his cheek.

"It's ok." Jules put a hand on his shoulder.

He sniffed and shook his head, even though it made him dizzy to do so. It's what I deserve, he thought. "His wife asked me to be a pallbearer." He choked out.

She moved to the other side of the bed and took his hand in hers. "I know."

"She called." It was a statement rather than a question. He looked out the window. "I fucked up. Again."

"No. This wasn't your fault Sam."

He looked at her, angry. "What? Yes it was! **I** talked Germaine into going for a jog. **I** stayed in the store after the kids tried to rob it. **I** crawled into the ceiling and **I** fell through the ceiling!" He looked away and said quietly, " **I** could've gotten one of you hurt."

"Germaine wanted to go for a run with you. That was _his_ choice. Staying in the store and being our eyes, Sam that was instinct. You wanted to help those kids." She looked at him with sincerity, then with a tinge of anger she said, "it's just your damned bad luck that you fell through the ceiling." She squeezed his hand.

Sam let go of her hand, swiped at a tear and gave a small chuckle. "Yeah." Why did these things always happen to him? Was it really luck or punishment? He wasn't sure.

"Listen, Julie called worried when you didn't go to the funeral. She wanted to make sure you were ok. She gave me her number and would like to talk to you when you're feeling better." Jules put the piece of paper on the rolling tray.

"Craze's wife? I can't talk to her!" Sam looked at her panicked.

"I think it'd help you Sam." Jules said gently. Maybe if he talked to Craze's wife it would help them both. It might help both of them with their grief to talk about Craze and share memories.

"I can't." He shook his head and looked out the window.

"Ok." She nodded, looked behind her, pulled the chair closer and sat down, all without letting go of his hand. She knew he needed to work through some things on his own. Maybe some he could try to work out some with Hannah's help.

When they were dating she saw him try to reconcile things after a tough call. Sometimes he would want to talk and others he just wanted her to hold him. He would do the same for her too. It was why they became so close. Each learned what the other needed and eventually it became second nature.

She started to hum one of her favorite songs from when she was a child and stroked his hair while he cried himself to sleep. When he was finally asleep, she stood and kissed his cheek. "I'm not going anywhere. I will be here if you need me." She whispered.

Moving to the window, she sat on the shelf, pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She put her head on her knees and softly wept. It killed her to see Sam in so much pain. She'd had many losses in her life and she wept for his pain and her own. She didn't realize that she'd fallen asleep until a gentle hand laid on her shoulder.

"Jules." Greg looked at her with concern.


	23. Chapter 23

##### Ottawa #####

Winston paced back and forth in his large study/office. He stopped and looked around the room. If he was honest, this was more of a war room than a study. It had built in shelves on two of the walls filled with books military rules and regulations, SOP (standard operating procedures) and strategy. There were two shelves that were dedicated to his favorite books, including some that were very old and priceless.

On one of the three remaining walls of the octagonal room, was the few family photos he had, medals and commendations for both himself and Samuel and a shelf of medals and trophies from Natalie's horse show days. There was one small frame he stopped in front of and looked at sadly. Ah my sweet little Sarah, he thought, the pain of her death still fresh in his mind.

The remaining walls each had a window and were covered in pictures of tanks and various equipment long since retired and other work related memorabilia. He stopped in front of one of his favorites, the day he met the Prime Minister of Canada and the President of the United States at a military summit between the two countries. It was fairly early in his career, he was only a Master Warrant Officer and Sam was a baby.

He looked in the background of the picture and saw Liz holding a squirming Sam. He could tell because his son was being held sideways and all four limbs could be seen flailing out of the blanket while his wife had a proud but slightly irritated look on her face. He looked at his desk and chuckled at the mountain of paperwork he wasn't completing.

His thoughts returned to the problem at hand and he started pacing again. It'd been a shock when Julie Johnson called worried because Sam didn't show up at her husband's funeral. It didn't take long for Samuel's other JTF2 unit buddies Beast, Dolittle and Pax to call him concerned. Beast had called for the three of them and when he said he hadn't heard from Sam, Beast let him know they would be heading to Toronto and would give him the sitrep once they had it.

Now he was worried. He'd left a message for Sam's CO Sergeant Parker but he hadn't heard back yet. Why hadn't he called back? As Sam's father, didn't he have the right to know when something was wrong with his son? He stopped at his desk and was about to pick up the phone when it rang. "Braddock."

"General?" Greg frowned. The line barely rang. He stopped in the stairwell before he got to the med/surg floor door.

"Yes. Who is this?" He realized he said that a little harshly, but there were few people that has his direct, secure line.

"This is Sergeant Greg Parker. You left me a message about Sam?"

"Yes I did. I've been trying to call Samuel and he hasn't returned my call. He also missed a friend's funeral and I've gotten several calls of concern." Winston started pacing again.

Greg took a breath. "Yes I do apologize for not contacting you sooner. Sam was involved in an incident and was injured. He's in the hospital and they should be releasing him in the next day or so." He went on to describe Sam's injuries and how it happened. He wasn't sure if he should anything about the days prior to the incident.

Winston looked out the window. Parker wasn't telling him everything. There was definitely more to the story. "Is that everything?"

"Yes. Can I tell him when you'll get here?" Greg asked. He would let Sam decide what to tell his dad.

"Ok, thank you." Winston looked to the door and saw Liz watching him. "Tell him," he paused, when Liz gave him a questioning look. "That we'll see him soon and hope he feels better." He said goodbye and hung up.

"See him soon? The Sergeant or Samuel?" Liz asked, raising a brow. When she saw Winston's face her heart dropped. "Oh god. Is Sam hurt? What happened?"

Winston crossed the room to her and took her in his arms. He closed his eyes when she put her head on his chest. After all these years, he still loved holding her close and taking in her scent. When she pulled back, he answered. "I just found out. He fell from a ceiling during a hot call with his team." When her face dropped in surprise, he moved a hand from her waist to her cheek. "He broke some ribs and his right arm, but he's ok. They're keeping him for observation.

Liz eyed him. "You don't think that's the whole story."

He pulled away and walked to his desk. "No. Three of Sam's JTF2 unit mates are on their way to Toronto. They'll be reporting back to me."

She nodded. She knew that Sam's friends would fill them in on the situation. It took all of her strength not to run to the airport and fly to Toronto to her baby. He didn't need her like that anymore, though. He was a big boy. A big boy that she missed dearly.

She had fought vehemently with Winston after Sarah died and Sam started getting in trouble. She wanted Sam at home. They would work through it as a family, she told him. In the end she'd agreed that a military school would help Sam. All they wanted was to do was what was best for their son. She knew the path that he was on needed changing. Unfortunately, it'd made Sam distant with them and eventually he only came home on holidays. He barely spoke to them and spent most of his time with his friend Matt.

##### hospital, 4th floor #####

Greg looked down at the phone for a moment. It was true that Sam's injuries weren't life threatening, but it surprised him that the General and his wife weren't coming to the hospital to be with their injured son. It grated his nerves too. How could they treat Sam that way? Sam was a good, honest and trustworthy man. He vowed then that he would never ever treat Sam with anything less than the love, respect and trust he deserved.

He pushed through the stairway door and headed to Sam's room. He stopped a moment at the door when he saw Jules huddled on the window. He moved into the room and crossed to the window. "Hey Jules." Greg smiled down at her.

Jules looked up at the sound of his voice. She turned and let her legs dangle off the shelf. "Hey Boss." She whispered.

His tone changed. "You ok Jules?" He could see the tear tracks on her cheeks.

"Yeah I'm good." She whispered back. She knew he could read her and see that she'd been crying.

Greg gave her an incredulous look then tipped his head to the door of Sam's room. "How about some coffee?"

She looked toward Sam. She told him she'd be here for him. How could she leave?

"We won't be long." Greg promised.

Reluctantly, she said, "ok" and they headed to the cafeteria.

As they sat at the table, Greg could see that she'd washed her face and had successfully gotten herself in check when she went to the ladies' room. He gave her a small smile as he slid her coffee cup across the table to her. He sat back and sipped his coffee, patiently waiting.

Jules sipped her coffee, not looking at him. She hoped he wouldn't misinterpret what he saw. Finally, she took a breath and sighed. "I'm fine Boss."

He eyed her. "Jules." He said softly. He gave her a look.

She sat back in her chair and looked at him. He could see right through her dammit. "How?" She asked, raising a brow at him.

"It's a gift." Greg shrugged and gave her a concerned look.

With a sigh she sat forward and put her cup on the table. "He's in a lot of pain. Everything that happened the last four days suddenly came back to him. It was-" she shook her head.

"Like he was feeling it all for the first time." Greg nodded. "Does he know he missed the funeral?"

"Yes." Jules nodded. She looked down at her cup then took a drink.

"It made you think of Mallorie." He tipped his head down to look at her.

At the mention of her friend's name she looked up at him, a little surprised. She'd forgotten she told Greg about Mal. She turned down her mouth and nodded. Her eyes filled and she looked away. "I'm so selfish." She swiped at her eyes angrily.

"Julianna Daphne Callaghan." He glared at her.

She told him her middle name too? Crap.

"I don't ever want to hear you say that about yourself. You are the least selfish person I know. It's natural for you to think about Mallorie when someone is talking about a friend they lost." Greg said gently.

"I was so mad at her." Jules looked at him, the pain of the loss in her eyes. "How dare she do that? To her dad, to her family, to me? Hadn't we already gone through enough when her mom died?" She sniffed. "But I couldn't do it. I was too mad that she would take the easy way out like her mom. I didn't want to go say goodbye. I didn't go. I couldn't go to her funeral."

"You understand better than anyone how Sam feels Jules. You've been there." He gave her a sincere look.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm still there. It was so hard to forgive her." She shook her head.

"And yourself."

Jules looked at him, appreciation and love in her eyes. "True." She smiled. "I did go to visit her eventually. I talked and talked and for once she listened." She scoffed. "She always had something to add to any conversation and nothing stopped her from jumping in. That's why I told her she should be an auctioneer. She could talk as fast and as much as she wanted."

Greg smiled. "Sounds like she was an, uh, energetic person."

"You have no idea!" Jules rolled her eyes. She told Greg all about her best friend Mallorie. The adventures they went on, the fun stuff they did, and how she and Mal found her mom hanging in her basement. She suddenly looked up at the clock and realized they'd been talking for two hours. She jumped up. "Oh shit. Sam. We gotta go." Without waiting for an answer she ran from the room and headed for the stairs.

##### Sam' hospital room one hour before #####

As soon as Wordy got off the elevator, he and a nurse ran to Sam's room. Sam was kneeling on the bed, looking at the ceiling with closed eyes and screaming. He put a hand on Sam's shoulder and shook it.

#####

Sam was on the rooftop, his head pointed towards the heavens and he was screaming. It was an earth-shattering, feral scream. What had he just done? Everyone in the room was dead. Matt, his team, all of them. Why? He had tried to put both hands on his head when he fell to his knees, but one felt really heavy. He got that one to his head but it felt weird. He ignored it. He was screaming so long and loud that his lungs were on fire.

Suddenly, a hand was on his shoulder and someone was calling urgently to him. Wait, he knew that voice. He opened his eyes, looked around and his eyes fell on Wordy. "Wordy? You're alive? I didn't kill you?"

#####

Wordy frowned. "No. It was a dream Sam. Come on, lay back on the bed."

Sam frowned at Wordy, then looked around as the dream dissipated. He dropped gently to his butt, then laid back on his pillow. Damn, his throat felt raw again.

"Are you in any pain?" The nurse asked, concerned. What the hell just happened, she thought. If that was a dream, I'd hate to hear a nightmare.

With a look at Wordy, Sam conveyed the answer.

"He's ok. Thank you for checking on him." Wordy smiled at her. He could see she was still concerned. He turned her towards the door and walked towards it with hand on her back. "I'll stay with him." He said quietly. When she nodded and left the room he sighed and looked at Sam.

Damn it, Wordy thought, I should've known better. He wasn't even close to ready to deal with a hot call. He pushed his guilt down and walked to the bed, but it bubbled to the surface when he saw Sam's face. There was no "I'm fine" mask. The raw hurt and emotion was shown plainly. He stopped next to the bed and sat in the chair. He took Sam's hand and said, "the hot call dream?"

Tears formed and fell from Sam's eyes. If dreams echoed inner desires, why would he want to kill his team? Kill them liked he killed Matt? Like he let Sarah be killed? Like Kovacs?

"Sam." Wordy watched the tears fall and felt a stab of pain for his friend. He knew that he couldn't push Sam to talk. It had to be when he was ready.

Sam sniffed and wiped at his eyes. He took a jagged breath, pulled his hand from Wordy and put it on his chest. "Why?" He whispered.

"Why what?" Wordy answered softly.

"Why are you here? I've dreamed about killing you and people you love." Sam shook his head slowly. "I'm a horrible person." He turned on his left side even though it hurt his ribs. "I don't deserve friends. I only hurt them." He said quietly, tears falling down his face.

AN: I tried to put Greg's part of the conversation in italics but my stupid mini was not cooperating. ? hope you're still enjoying the story. As always, please review!


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Well, look who **didnt** fall off the face of the Earth! Lol. Hope I didn't lose you all! I've been dealing with some stuff, but I should be back at it. As always, please read and review! Oh yeah, and DUH - I don't own Flashpoint.

"Dude, you need a bigger car." Beast grumbled from the back seat of Pax's green Prius for the third time in the last hour.

Pax looked in the rearview mirror and smiled. He could see that even though Beast was sitting sideways on the bench seat, it still looked like he was put there by a shoehorn. "It's not that bad." He looked back at the road and shook his head.

"I still don't understand why we couldn't take my hummer." Beast sighed and looked out the window.

"Yes you do." Dolittle turned in the front passenger seat and raised a brow above his sunglasses. "There's no way I was going to chip in for the gas for that monstrosity."

"Don't you drive enough gas guzzlers on the job?" Pax asked as he watched a man zip around him and then cut in front of him with an angry honk. He shook his head and stayed at his set speed.

"It's the only thing I can fit in." Beast grumbled.

Pax and Dolittle looked at each other and burst out laughing. Each were picturing Beast trying to get into the driver's seat of any other vehicle. The man was 6'6" and a solid 285lb of muscle. He'd probably break a car apart trying to get into it and nearly did getting in the Prius.

When he calmed a little, Pax said, "I see what you mean. Anything else would be a clown car."

Dolittle giggled, trying to hold in his laughter. A moment later he felt a hard knee protrude into the back of his seat and he took several deep breaths to calm himself. It lasted about two seconds until he looked at Pax and they dissolved into fits of laughter.

Beast grumbled and looked out the window. After a moment he grinned broadly.

As his laughter started to fade, Dolittle looked to the backseat with curiosity. It wasn't like Beast to just sit back and take their ribbing. There was always some sort of payback. His eyes widened as he watched a huge grin split Beast's face and then the large man did a shimmy shake on the back seat which made the entire car sway in the lane. Dolittle's eyes widened and he grabbed onto the dash with one hand, his other gripping the seat.

"Beast!" Pax growled at the laughing giant in the back seat.

Turning forward in his seat, Dolittle laughed and shook his head. He looked out the window and saw the CN Tower. They were nearly there. It was time to find their old friend. His secure phone rang and he looked at the ID, the General. "Dolittle."

"Corporal. I've received Intel from Samuel's CO. He's at Toronto General with injuries from an incident with his team." General Braddock looked out the second story window of his office.

"Serious? " Dolittle frowned and mouthed "Shadow" at Pax when he looked over.

"CO says minor."

"Ok" Dolittle could tell by the General's tone that something else was up. "How long do we have?"

"Three days. Need your unit in K-town in four. Sitrep while inbound." The General looked to the door, hearing a commotion just outside. He frowned and moved to the door. "Still need a sitrep for Shadow."

"Copy copy. Thank you Sir." Dolittle smiled he hung up when the line went dead. He looked to his friends and explained what the General just told him.

"Back to the beach." Beast said flatly.

Dolittle turned and looked at the big man, an eyebrow raised. "You getin' itchy?" He was surprised to hear Beast's tone. In the six years they'd worked together in the Special Forces, there was never any doubt about Beast's commitment to their work. Lately though, he'd been irritable, even surly every time they got a new assignment.

Beast shook his head and looked out the window past Pax.

A frown creased Dolittle's forehead. "Come on B. What's up?"

"Ah, nothin'." Beast shrugged. He considered Pax and Dolittle his best friends, but it was still hard for him to talk about.

"Atlas." Dolittle said with a hint of anger.

With a sigh, Beast swung his head towards his friend and looked Dolittle in the eye. "I'm fine. So, how much farther to the hospital?"

Deflection, Dolittle thought. Damn he's good at that. He would let it go for now, but he'd talk to Beast later. Something was definitely bothering the big man. He wondered if they should've done something for Beast's 35th birthday last week. He hoped that was all it was.

##### Toronto General, Sam's room #####

"I will always be here Sam Braddock." Wordy's voice was angry and sad. He couldn't believe that Sam had just asked him something like that. It killed him when he heard Sam talking about not being worthy. His anger rose as he thought about what complete asses Sam's parents were for making Sam feel this way. He stared at Sam's back, his emotions and thoughts churning.

"But I- I didn't protect them." Sam said, confused, but didn't look at Wordy. His chest was starting to hurt, but he didn't care. Why was this happening? The tears dripped from his eyes onto the sheets.

Wordy took a breath. He understood Sam's need to protect others. It had been ingrained in Sam's soul since his sister died. Since he thought he lost her, that it was his fault. Sam had done what he could in JTF2 to protect his country and its people, but since he'd joined the SRU, Wordy saw that it was exactly what Sam was looking for. That it was the best way for Sam to be the protector. "Sometimes we can't." He said quietly.

"It's my job. What I was put here for and I can't even do it right." Sam shook his head. His breaths started getting shallow, but he didn't roll to his back.

"Yes you do. You do it every day Sam. Every single call you've had our backs." Wordy walked to the other side of the bed and knelt in front of Sam so that they were eye level. Blue eyes locked with blue. "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Remember?" When Sam shook his head slightly he said, "we had a gun call at the post office the day before the Godwin call. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." He laughed a little, then his face got serious. "You and I went in the back, but the floor plans weren't up to date and we ended up running right into the subject.

Literally ran into him. He grabbed me and put the gun to my head." He looked down and shook the image from his mind. It was too goddamned close. He blew out an audible breath and locked eyes with Sam again. "I knew that was it. We knew from Spike's background check that the guy was extremely volatile. In that moment, I knew that he was squeezing the trigger while you talked to him." And I was silently saying goodbye to Shelly, the girls, the team and you, he thought.

Sam shook his head. "I wouldn't have let him harm you." He said in a steady, but whispering voice.

"I know. I looked you in the eye and I knew you had my back." Wordy said reassuringly. "And you did. That move you did was incredible. A little scary, but incredible. The subject didn't know what hit him." He smiled. "You saved my life Sam. You risked yourself, but you saved me. Thank you." He bowed his head slightly.

Sam took a wheezy breath and considered what Wordy just said. He knew the move would give the subject a split second to react, but it was Wordy's only chance. The rest of the team were too far away to get there in time to help. He had done what he had to and risked his life to save Wordy.

In his mind it was a no brainier. Wordy is a friend, hell he's almost like a father to Sam and most importantly he's a teammate. Even if it took his last breath, he would make sure his teammates went home every night. His breaths were more labored now and he frowned. Then, he smiled. The irony of his last thought and his breathing wasn't lost on him.

Wordy didn't like the sound of Sam's breathing. "Here, let's get you on your back. That must've hurt your ribs." He gently turned Sam on his back when Sam nodded. He watched the rise and fall of Sam's chest. "What's your pain level?"

Sam took a breath and winced, "Six." When he saw the doubtful look on Wordy's face he fessed up, "eight."

Jules stepped into the room and hurried to Sam's side when she saw the worried look on Wordy's face. "What happened?" She looked at Wordy then down at Sam as she took his hand.

"Too much talking." Sam said around a wheezy breath.

"Easy. Sniper breathing, slow it down." Jules brushed a hand over his hair in a comfort and took his hand between hers.

"I got it." Greg did an about face and hurried to the nurses' station. Sam sounded and looked like crap. It worried him to hear the crackling when Sam breathed.

Jules counted out the sniper breathing rhythm even while the nurse was listening to Sam's lungs.

The nurse straightened and looked at Sam. "I'll be right back. I'm going to talk to the doctor and get respiratory therapy up here. Try to relax," she turned to Jules, "that's helping so keep it going. I'll be back shortly."

"Ok thanks Megan." Jules smiled and turned back to Sam. She liked that young nurse. She was really great last night when Sam was first admitted. She answered any questions they had and made sure they all had coffee and anything else they needed. Jules raised a brow at Sam. "Still need me to count?"

Sam shook his head. He continued the rhythm for several minutes until Megan returned with a nebulizer treatment from respiratory therapy and a promise they would be in to see him in the next half hour.

For nearly ten minutes they were silent as Sam breathed in the medicine and the wheezing eased. It took a lot of energy for him to keep it up and he laid back against the pillows exhausted. As his eyes fluttered closed, Sam gave them a small nod of thanks before he lost the fight with his eyes, they closed and he fell asleep.

Jules squeezed his hand and put it carefully on the bed. She stood slowly and turned to Greg and Wordy. She could see that they were as worried as she was. "Come on." She tipped her head to the door and they followed her out.

Once the door closed behind them, Greg looked at Wordy. "What happened?"

Wordy shook his head and looked through the glass door at Sam. Why didn't he roll to his back, he thought angrily. Why didn't I make him? He mulled over their conversation in his head.

Greg put a hand on Wordy's shoulder. He could see that whatever it was, it was private. Something that only Sam could share if he wanted to. It warmed Greg's heart to know that Wordy and Sam had such a close bond that was getting stronger by the day. When Wordy looked at him, Greg gave a small nod and softly said, "ok". He looked to Jules who was watching them. He saw that she understood. "Let's move to the waiting room, let Sam sleep."

With a nod, Jules put a hand on Wordy's back and steered him towards down the hall a bit to the room on the right. "It's not your fault." She told him as she sat next to him. "His lungs are tender.."

He took a few steps and wood in the doorway as Jules quietly spoke with Wordy. Greg let a small smile play on his lips. He was so proud of Jules. He often felt like a proud papa around her. He'd been watching her grow tremendously in this job. She was becoming his right hand when it came to profiling and negotiations.

Sometimes he felt like she was learning the "family business" and he was grooming her to take over. That felt good. Eventually he would retire and he already knew that when that time came she would take the reins. He could leave knowing the team would be in excellent hands.

##########

Pax and Dolittle were standing next to the car watching Beast try to get out of the backseat, bent over, with tears rolling down their faces.

"Stop laughing you damned hyenas and HELP ME." Beast growled. He had tried to put his legs out and then just stand up but his body got wedged in the doorway as he stood. He shook his head as his friends howled with laughter. "How the hell did you two get picked for covert ops?" He shook his butt trying to dislodge himself which caused another round of laughter.

With a swipe at his eyes, Pax took several deep breaths to calm himself. He slapped Dolittle's back. "Come on. We leave him much longer and we're going to be sorry."

Dolittle nodded and sniffed. "Let's uncage the beast." He smiled broadly.

It took them several minutes to free Beast from the car. Once they were ready, they headed into the hospital through the employee entrance, trying to keep themselves unseen.


	25. Chapter 25

Megan looked up from her computer in time to see her blonde patient run from his room, look at her in surprise and drop to the floor. What the hell? She stood and looked to the floor, but didn't see him. She caught movement out of the corner of her eye, looked to Sam's room and she saw three men emerge from the room. What she heard next got her heart thumping.

"Shit! Go around that way and head him off!"

"Don't let him get away!"

"He's going to die."

With a gasp, Megan ducked down behind the desk. What the big man just growled made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She heard them run past the desk and sighed with relief.

"Megan? What's going on?"

The gentle, but urgent familiar male voice made her jump up and grab the phone. "Wordy! Some guys are chasing Sam and said he was going to die if they caught him." Megan pointed the way she heard the men go and looked into his blue eyes with desperation.

Wordy looked at Jules who had followed him to the desk when they heard the commotion. "Stay with Megan, I'm going after them."

Jules shook her head vehemently. "No. I'm coming with you. Neither of us are armed and we don't know if they are. What are we going to do?"

"Call the SRU. Tell Greg what's happening when he gets back and tell him to wait here for the team." Wordy looked at Megan who nodded and dialed. He looked at Jules then to the fire box on the far wall. "We improvise."

They raced to the box, pulled it open, grabbed the metal bar used to turn on the hose and fire extinguisher. Jules held the fire extinguisher and looked at Wordy with determination. "Ready."

As they rushed to the stairwell and disappeared through the door, Megan was talking to Sergeant Rollie Cray of the SRU's Team Three.

##### south stairwell #####

Jules and Wordy entered the stairwell carefully and quietly. Jules looked back at Wordy and pointed up. When he nodded she walked up the steps slowly and quietly. They went up a flight and stopped, listening.

Wordy looked up, then looked at Jules and motioned for them to keep moving up. She nodded and started moving again. He hoped that Team Three would be here soon. There were too many unanswered questions and variables about what was going on.

##### nurse's desk on Sam's floor #####

"Ok." Megan nodded and put down the phone. When she looked up, Greg was putting down three coffees and looking at her funny. She was the only one at the desk, all of the patient's doors were closed and a nurse were in the rooms with the three sickest patients. "We're in lockdown. Sam was chased out of his room by three men that said they were going to kill him!" She said hurriedly.

Greg walked behind the desk to her and put a hand on each of her shoulders. "Take a breath Megan and start from the beginning. What happened?"

"I'd like to hear this too." Rollie and the rest of Team Three arrived at the desk.

"Sarge." Greg couldn't keep the surprise from his face, but hitched his chin at Rollie.

"Sarge." Rollie nodded back, a small smile on his face.

Megan took a breath. "Ok. I looked up from the computer and I saw Sam run out of his room. When he saw me he ducked down and I didn't see him again. Them three men ran out of Sam's room. One said, 'don't let him get away' the other said, 'he's going to die'. Then Wordy and Jules came over and I told them what I just told you. They took the pipe and extinguisher from the fire box," she pointed to the wall, "and took off for the stairs. They told me to call the SRU and to tell Greg when he got back."

"Ok good. Can you describe them?" Greg asked.

"Yes. One was about 5'10 with black hair and brown eyes. One was a couple inches shorter with brown hair and brown eyes and the other was a big hulking man. He had to be a wrestler or something, he had that kind of build. He had brown hair and blue eyes. They all had high and tights, I didn't even see them enter the room, which is weird because I would think that big guy would be like a bull in a china shop." Megan explained.

"Ok thank you Megan." Greg thought for a moment and asked, "they had high and tights? You mean they were high on drugs and wearing tights?" He asked, confused.

"No," she laughed, "military haircuts. It's called the high and tight."

"Right. Thanks." Greg grabbed a piece of paper, wrote down his cell number and handed it to her. "Call me if you spot any of them and if you do see them, try to see where they go, but do not put yourself at risk. Make sure you are safe first, ok?" When she nodded he turned to Rollie. "What do you want to do?"

"Mark take the south stairs down just to be sure. Greg and Jim will head up the north stairwell while Charles and I head up the south stairwell here." He pointed to the door to the left of Sam's room. "George and Lance will set up a command in Sam's room, see if you can patch into the cameras and that way they will be close if Megan needs them." He looked at Megan and back to Greg, both nodded. He looked at his techie George. "Get Greg a sidearm and headset."

"Copy Boss." George nodded, went into Sam's room and put his tech bag down on the bed. He fished in a pocket, pulled out an extra headset and handed it to Greg. He ran out of the room and returned five minutes later slightly out of breath, but holding a handgun. "It's loaded, safety's on."

"Ok thanks George." Greg stuck the earpiece in his ear, took the gun and put it in the holster George gave him. He joined the rest of the team. Jim and Greg headed to the north stairwell while Rollie and Charles headed to the south stairs. They each carefully opened the door and entered their stairwell. Greg let Jim lead as they slowly made their way up the stairs. They walked up two flights before they got to the door at the top. "Bravo in position." He whispered.

"Alpha seconds away. George, any luck with eyes?" Rollie answered as they climbed the last few steps to the door to the roof.

George looked at the 26 cameras spread throughout the hospital. "None on the roof and no joy on any of the other cameras, but there are definitely blind spots here. Be careful guys." He breathed as he looked between the two laptops he'd set up on Sam's bed. Even with two laptops he couldn't fit all of the camera views on at once. He had Lance looking at one laptop and switching between screens with seven views on one screen and six on another.

##### Sam's room 30 minutes earlier #####

Pax, Dolittle and Beast walked quietly up the south stairwell and stopped when they came to a door. Pax had done some recon and found out that Sam was on this floor. The helpful girl at the desk told him that if he took the south stairwell he'd come out right next to his friends room. He'd winked and thanked her for her help.

Now, Dolittle was looking through the small glass window trying to see how easy it would be to slip into Sam's room. The nurse's station was empty and no one else was around. "It's clear." He stepped out of the door and walked the ten feet to Sam's room quickly and quietly. He slid the door open enough so he could get through, then retreated to the least visible corner.

Pax went next as Beast kept watch. They'd lucked out, the nurses were all busy with other patients.

A moment later, Beast was out the door and into Sam's room with Sam's door closed before the stairwell door clicked closed. He may be huge, but he was quiet as a mouse.

Sam could sense that someone was in the room, but he wasn't sure what room he was in, so he kept his eyes closed. His right arm and leg hurt. Oh yeah, he fell out of the ceiling on a damned call. He was sure it was Greg and Wordy, but then he caught a whiff of a very familiar cologne.

##########

"Damn Beast, did you bathe in it?" Sam waved his hand in the air of their tent. Beast was standing in front of him asking if he looked ok for his date.

"Shit. Should I wipe it off?" Beast lifted an arm and sniffed himself. "I don't wanna drive her away." He sniffed his pits and turned in a circle trying to smell himself.

Sam gave him a crooked smile. "Maybe just change your shirt." He leaned in and sniffed at Beast's shirt before pulling back with a grimace. He didn't mind cologne, but he knew girls didn't like for it to be too strong. He nodded when Beast returned with a different shirt on, but the same jacket. "You look great." He smiled broadly and slapped Beast on the arm. He got a mischievous look in his eye and said with a smirk, "so did it take a whole village of seamstresses to make those clothes?"

"Har har." Beast mocked.

"Be safe tonight." He grinned wider. "You pick up some extra small condoms? And a magnifying glass for the lady?" He ducked when Beast growled at him and laughed when Beast stalked towards him as he back pedaled.

##########

"Hey Shadow." Beast stepped towards the bed and was surprised to see Sam grin and jump back from him. "Hey. Easy. You ok? You remember me?"

Pax moved forward, concern etching his face.

Sam tried to move back further on the bed, but he had nowhere to go. He looked around the room, trying to find a way to escape Beast's wrath. "You're too slow, you'll never catch me." He laughed at Beast, then frowned, where did his collar shirt and jacket go? He looked to his left and saw Pax. His frowned deepened. Wasn't Pax in the hospital recovering from his burns. Now when he tried to move it was out of panic. What was going on?

"Shadow? You doing ok buddy?" Pax moved forward slowly until he was at the end of the bed. He looked to Dolittle. "What's going on?" He whispered.

"Shadow. It's me Dolittle. Do you recognize me?" Dolittle moved forward so he was at the end of the bed, but off to the side.

"Dolittle." Sam said with certainty. He smiled. "Look at Beast in a penguin suit." He laughed. "Lucky for the girl I got him to change his shirt, it was doused in cologne!"

"What's he talking about?" Pax said behind his hand and whispered.

At first, Beast shook his head, then he remembered. "My first date with that girl Emily." He locked eyes with Sam and nodded.

"Yeah." Sam nodded but he looked away. He was so confused. What was happening right now? How was Pax here? He looked at Pax. "Shouldn't you be in the hospital? They need to take care of your burns." He stepped off the bed on the opposite side from Dolittle. He hobbled the few steps to Pax and looked at him carefully. Damn his hip and leg hurt. Pax's face was scarred, but the scars were faded. Last time he saw Pax the scars were deep and angry red.

Beast leaned over to Dolittle and whispered, "what's happening? He seems so out of it."

"I don't know. Maybe he hit his head when he fell?" Dolittle whispered back. He moved towards Sam. "Let's get you back in bed buddy. You look like you've had a rough couple days."

Sam pulled back from Dolittle. Rough couple days? No, the last mission was quick and easy, no injuries on the team except for Pax. He looked at Pax again, except this time he looked very different. He limped back from them. When both moved forward he retreated until his back was to the wall. He stepped up on the bed with a hiss as his right hip and leg protested. He stepped carefully down on the other side of the bed.

"Hey Shadow." Beast started moving slowly towards Sam. "Can you look at me?" When Sam's gaze darted to his he was unnerved by the fear there. "You know who I am right?"

He shook his head, unsure, and winced at the pain it caused. "Damn." Sam cursed. He put a hand to his head.

"Looks like you're in pain. Why don't you lie back on the bed and get some rest? I can ask someone for pain meds for you." Beast said calmly.

"I'm fine." Sam said flatly and inched towards the door. He was trapped in here with these men and they didn't make sense. Of course he knew who they were, but why did his body hurt? He wasn't injured in the last mission. And why was Pax here? He should be in the hospital. Why was his rack a big comfy bed? That was completely wrong. What the hell was happening? Was he captured and beaten so badly he was hallucinating? It had to be. He couldn't think of any other explanation. He looked at Beast, anger in his eyes. "You can't fool me. They aren't here. You're just playing with my head. I won't let you in. I'm stronger than you."

"I know you are Shadow. You're the strongest among us. But even the strong need help sometimes. Wait, please." Beast put a hand up as Sam got closer to the door.

"Nice try. Beast wouldn't ever say that. He'd tell me to buck up and stop acting like such a girl." Sam bolted out of his room but stopped dead when he saw the girl at the desk in front of him. He dropped to the floor with a grunt and army crawled past her, pushing through the pain he felt. When he heard footsteps behind him he cut through a desk area and pulled open a small door. He saw it was a small closet and climbed in.


	26. Chapter 26

Sam stood in the closet, trying to be as quiet as possible, but his whole right leg was aching. He looked at his right arm, and wondered why it was in a cast. He waited until it was quiet and slipped out of the closet. He looked around and seeing no one, rushed to the stairs and through the door. He looked between the two sets of steps in front of him. Up or down? Up or down. Up. He always liked being high up.

He made his way to the roof and hobbled to the edge. The wind in his face felt good and he smiled. He jumped when he heard a noise come from across the roof. Shit! Those imposters found him! He looked around and found a small space between the wall of the roof and a heating unit. He got down and carefully wedged himself in the space, especially careful of his arm. His leg started to ache right away, but he didn't care.

He breathed in, counted to four and let it out. He did this a couple times before the he got control of the pain and wondered how he knew to do that. He pulled his bare feet closer to his body and put his good arm around them. The heating unit was just tall enough to keep his head from being seen and he was back all the way to the corner wall so it would be impossible for anyone to see him in the darkened hole. He was glad the unit was warm on his skin, otherwise he'd be freezing in just this hospital gown.

##### South stairway 5 minutes before #####

Pax opened the door quietly and walked out into the sunlight. There was a nice breeze up here, he knew Shadow would come here. It was high up, just liked Shadow liked. For some reason heights never scared Shadow, not like it did Pax. He looked around the roof as Beast and Dolittle spread out. It was a very large roof, it'd take them awhile to check it all, he thought worriedly. He walked to the other side of the roof from their stairwell, about fifty feet, as he searched. He reached the other side and walked near the edge, but didn't get too close.

Beast headed off to the right while Dolittle headed left. There were several vents and small buildings that Shadow could climb in. He smiled as he thought about the story Remnant told them about a hide and seek game he, Shadow and some friends had played. They hadn't cared that they were all too old, they were bored. Every time Sam was it, he found them all easily, but when Sam hid, no one could find him. He could get himself into the weirdest places and positions.

"Shadow.." He called softly. He didn't want to freak Shadow out even more. He was confused as to why Shadow had run and why he was so out of it. Shadow didn't believe that they were his old friends. It made him sad. Hopefully they could figure it out.

Dolittle sighed as he looked around the roof. Damn. Where could the guy have gone? He hated to see Shadow in this state. Why didn't know who they were? Did he have a concussion and suffered memory loss? His medical knowledge was flowing through his mind as he searched. He hoped they found Shadow soon so they could try to talk some sense into him.

Sam saw Pax, or the fake Pax walk near the wall of the roof. He pulled himself back a little further wishing the man would go away.

The wind was blowing in Pax's face as he looked out across the city and he almost missed the faint scrape sound to his right. He turned and barely caught the soft blue fabric of a hospital gown in the dark space between a heating unit and the wall at the edge of the roof. "Shadow?" He said cautiously.

##### South stairway a few minutes before Team Three's arrival #####

Jules was breathing heavily, but it wasn't because of the stairs they just went up. She was watching one the men as he started looking around the roof, the others weren't visible. She sucked in a breath when he turned his head suddenly towards a heating unit to his right. "I think he found Sam." She looked at Wordy. They'd come up with a sort of plan, get between Sam and the men.

"Are they all close by?" Wordy asked, he couldn't see as well out the small window as she could.

"I can't tell, but we should go now. It's just the two of them." She held his eyes and gave him a "I'll go without you" look if he disagreed. When he nodded, she lifted the extinguisher and they silently slipped out the door.

Wordy tapped her shoulder and they moved to the right of the man along the wall of the stairwell. They would go around him and rush to cut him off from Sam when he noticed them. That was the plan. It was foiled when Wordy heard a deep voice to his right.

"Who are you and what are you doing up here?" Beast had just started at a run towards Pax when saw the woman emerge from behind the stairwell wall. He meant to continue his momentum forward when the balding guy stepped in front of him without looking. He reached a hand out, but was surprised when the smaller man grabbed his arm and attempted to twist it behind his back. He reversed the hold and twisted the man's arm instead. He was surprised again when the man let go off his arm, grabbed his upper arm and squeezed the pressure point there. He groaned in pain and used that elbow to hit the man hard in the face. Unfortunately it wasn't enough and the man pushed him to the ground.

"You ok Wordy?" Jules asked quietly. When he nodded she looked between the two strange men. She used her authoritative voice. "Who are you and what did you do to Sam?" Jules pointed the extinguisher nozzle at the big man's head. She saw the third man come towards them, walk to the first and stand next to him.

"Who are you?" Pax asked, amused that the balding man got Beast on the ground. That was impressive.

Just then seven men with guns burst from two separate doors on the roof. All seven voices yelled simultaneously: "don't move!" "Stay where you are!" "Where is Sam?!" "Don't move!"

The three men put their hands up while Jules and Wordy both sighed with relief.

Greg and Jim walked to Jules and Wordy. Greg put a hand on Wordy's shoulder while Jim pointed his gun at the big man on the ground. "You ok?"

With a chuckle, Wordy put the back of his hand to his nose and lip. "Yeah I'm good." He wiped the blood and licked his lip where it split. Damn that stung. He looked at the strange man that spoke to them. "I'm Officer Wordsworth, my friends call me Wordy. This is Officer Callaghan and Sergeant Greg Parker. Sam is our teammate and friend. Where is he?"

Sam had heard all of the shouting and had gotten scared. What the hell was happening out there? He scooted back further so that he was as far in the corner as he could go. He shivered. The brick was sucking all the heat he was getting from the unit. He looked up when he heard a familiar voice. Wordy? Wait, why was Wordy here? The two worlds didn't belong in each other. Safe, his mind told him. Wordy is safe. He shook his head to clear it and put a hand to it when that hurt. His mind cleared as he heard Wordy talking to someone. Who was that? They sounded familiar.

"There's been a misunderstanding here." Pax said calmly.

"Ok." Wordy said cautiously. "I hope that's true because I have a nurse downstairs that says the three of you chased Sam out of his room and she heard one of you say that you were going to kill him."

Kill me? Sam thought. Pax would never kill me, he chuckled. He had been pissed about the stupidity of Pax's fire stunt, but Sam had easily forgiven him. He placed his good hand on the unit and pushed on it to try to stand up, but the muscles in his right leg had locked up and wouldn't lift him. Instead, the side of the unit flexed and made a booming sound. He heard the clicking of guns as they were moved, he assumed, in his direction.

Pax and Dolittle turned towards the sound. "Sam." Pax whispered.

"What do you think?" Dolittle whispered back.

He stole a glance at the officers behind them. "I think we're in big trouble." Pax said before he looked behind them and moved toward the heating unit.

"Stop!" Jim, Charles and Rollie yelled at the same time.

"It's Sam. He's hurt." Pax looked back at them, deep concern on his face, and moved forward until he was at the start of the small space between the unit and the wall. He saw Sam huddled three feet back in the corner. "Hey Sha- uh, Sam. You doing ok?"

"Give him a minute. I don't think he wants to hurt Sam." Wordy looked at Greg.

"You sure?" Greg raised a brow.

"Yes. He wants to help." Wordy looked at the man on the ground and saw the truth of his words in the man's eyes. He reached down and helped the man up.

"Hold." Greg said into his headset and put a fist up. "Hold Team Three."

Sam looked up at Pax. "Hey Pax. What're you guys doing here?"

"Stopped in to see you." Pax studied Sam's face. This was a total change from the Sam they saw in his room. What was happening here? "You recognize me?"

"Yeah, sorry about that." Sam looked away, his cheeks getting pink. His mind had cleared completely and he had realized he had been stuck in a flashback. "Uh, can you help me up?"

"What's the matter?" Pax asked, concerned.

"My leg is locked up." Sam replied and shivered.

Pax looked back at Dolittle. "I need you." He looked at the officers. "Sam is freezing. We need a wheelchair and blankets."

Dolittle looked back at the officers and rolled his eyes when they stayed where they were, guns still trained on them. "For god's sake! You still don't believe us?!"

Greg heard the desperation in their voices and he looked at Rollie, "go. Hurry." He looked at the two of them. "Stay where you are and put your hands up." Both complied while Wordy cuffed the big man.

The members of Team Three, except for Rollie who radioed to Lance to have Megan come help, moved in and detained all the men.

"I'm a medic from the military, please let me help." Dolittle pulled against Jim who was holding his handcuffed hands.

"Easy." Jim murmured.

"Please, we were in Special Forces together with Sam." Dolittle begged.

Jules and Wordy had run to the heating unit while Team Three took the men in custody. Jules was lying on the unit and had her head by Sam's head. "You ok Sam?" She asked breathlessly.

Sam looked up at her and smiled sheepishly. "I'm stuck, and really cold." His teeth chattered.

"Do you know them?" Wordy asked as he walked through the gap to stand in front of Sam.

"Yeah. They're telling the truth. They're my JTF2 buddies." Sam nodded weakly.

Wordy looked back and nodded at Jim. "Let him loose."

When Jim released Dolittle from the handcuffs, Dolittle ran to Sam. The balding officer moved back and he walked through the gap to Sam. He couldn't squat down, but he was able to kneel. "Hey Shadow. How're you feeling?"

"Really cold. My right leg is in a lot of pain too. I can't get myself up." Sam shivered.

"Ok, do you think you can stand if I help you?" Dolittle asked as he checked Sam's vitals.

"Yeah." Sam nodded.

"Ok." Dolittle said. He didn't like Sam's vitals, he was starting to show the signs of hypothermia. Sam's pulse and breathing were slow and when he helped Sam up, he was slow and clumsy. He wasn't sure if that was because of Sam's leg or not, but he was very concerned. He saw the nurse from the desk and a doctor running to them pushing a wheelchair piled with blankets. "I'm a medic. His pulse is 35 and his resps are 23, beginning stages of hyperthermia. His right leg is causing him pain so we may need a stretcher."

The doctor, Megan and Dolittle worked together to get Sam up and out of the small space. Once they had him standing they threw a blanket across his shoulders, They could all see after a couple steps that walking was too painful for Sam to attempt and sat him on the heating unit to rest.

"What if we slide a blanket under him and slide him across this thing? It's smooth so it won't catch on anything." Wordy put a hand on the machine and ran it over it.

"Anything." Sam shivered. His teeth had stopped chattering and his shivering was coming to a halt which he knew was a bad sign. He definitely had hypothermia now. He lifted himself while they slid the blanket which was very painful on his leg and he hissed in pain.

"Hold on Sam, we'll get you downstairs in a few minutes. "Dolittle placed a gentle hand on Sam's shoulder.

Sam looked at Dolittle and raised a brow. "That's the first time you used my real name." He smiled.

"Had to happen sometime." Dolittle gave him a lopsided grin as they helped Sam into the wheelchair and stepped back. "See you in a bit." He promised and looked behind him. He turned and saw that everyone was gone except him, Wordy and the officer that had handcuffed him. "Where is everyone?"

"Downstairs. We need to talk." Wordy said seriously, although his eyes were not. He could see that all three of them cared for Sam deeply. The other two wouldn't leave until they could see for themselves that Sam was ok. He put a hand out towards the south stairs. They walked down the stairs and into a meeting room on the floor under Sam's.


	27. Chapter 27

Wordy and Jim escorted Dolittle into the conference room. When they walked in, the unanswered questions hung in the air like a fog.

Dolittle sat next to Beast at the table, Pax was on the other side of Beast. He looked at the gathered officers, the woman Jules was staring at them with curiosity in her eyes. She was flanked by Greg and Wordy with the other officers from the roof sitting around the table. His eyes fell on a man in a sports coat who nodded at him.

"I'm Detective Desjardin of the 51st division Toronto Police." He looked between the three men. I just want to advise you of your rights before we speak." He went on to read them their rights and asked if they wanted to speak.

"Yes." They each answered.

"What are your names?" Greg asked with al lift if the chin.

"Sergeant Atlas Lagos, you may call me Beast."

"Corporal Keith Paxman, call sign Pax."

"Master Corporal Aaron Franklin, call sign Dolittle. We are currently in the Special Forces and were on Shadow, uh, Sam's team when he was in JTF2." Dolittle explained.

"Part of Craze's unit?" Wordy asked, narrowing his eyes. He saw a flash of sadness in their eyes and Pax hung his head.

"Yes sir." Pax nodded. Just the mention of his mentor's name was a stab to the heart and he dropped his head. He felt a big hand on his shoulder and looked at Beast.

"Head up. Craze died doing what he loved brother." Beast said quietly. "He's still here." He put a finger to Pax's chest. He smiled when Pax put a hand on his shoulder. The hurt was raw, but he knew he needed to be strong for his men.

Jules' eyes teared at the profound words. Lou. I miss you so much, she thought as she put her hand over the black band on her wrist.

Wordy looked away, the hurt surfacing. He looked down at the black band and thought, miss you buddy.

Greg felt a stab in his heart. They'd only lost Lou a few months ago, but it still stung. He swallowed his emotions and steadied his voice. "So you came to Toronto to see Sam?" He asked gently.

"Yes. He didn't come to the funeral and we were worried." Beast answered. "His, parents were worried."

Greg noticed the pause and kept eye contact. "You're not very fond of them." It was a statement, not a question.

Beast looked at Dolittle. He looked back at Greg. "Not particularly, no." He said without further explanation.

Interesting. Greg thought. He didn't push the issue though. "When was the last time you visited?"

Another exchange of looks. "This is the first. We've been deployed."

"No judgements." Greg put up his hands. "So what happened today?"

"We went into Sam's room, but he was confused. He knew who we were, but he didn't believe us." Dolittle shook his head.

"He was talking about about a time when we were in JTF2, but then it was like his mind cleared a little and he remembered where he was." Beast added.

##### Sam's room #####

"It kept getting worse. It was like my memory of JTF2 and the present was colliding and didn't make sense. Like the guys shouldn't be here, but they were." Sam narrowed his eyes at Spike who was sitting next to his bed. The soft whir of the machine putting hot air into his blanket filled the room.

"So you ran?" Spike asked gently. He was glad that Sam was getting warmed up. He'd been so worried when they brought Sam downstairs with his teeth chattering. The Boss had called him, Leah and Ed and they'd rushed over.

Ed was pacing back and forth, seething that this happened to Sam. What kind of place were they running here? How were three men able to slip into Sam's room without being seen?

Leah was sitting on the window sill watching Ed and wondering when she should jump in. Ed was a force to be reckoned with when he was angry.

"Ed. Please calm down. I'm ok." Sam watched Ed pace and knew the older man was ready to explode. He looked at Spike. "Yeah. It freaked me out and I had to get away." When Ed stopped they locked eyes. "It's not their fault. It's mine." He looked to the ceiling. "I'm so fucked up." He sighed.

"No you're not Sam. You're just going through a hard time right now." Spike said reassuringly. "What happened next?" He asked.

He took a deep breath and blew it out. "I got on the floor when I saw Megan at the desk and crawled to an opening. I got in a closet and hid until I heard the guys run past. I took the stairs to the roof and hid in a gap between the wall of the roof and a heating unit. Honestly, it's all my fault. Don't let them arrest my unit." Sam looked at Spike worriedly.

Spike took Sam's hand a squeezed it before he stood. "I'll take care of it. Get some rest." He walked to Ed and said in a low voice, "will you be ok?" When Ed nodded, the anger in his eyes dissipating a little, Spike nodded back. He looked at Leah and gave her a "watch over them" look. He walked out of Sam's room, took a right and used the stairs to go down to the conference room.

##### Hospital conference room #####

"We would never hurt Sam. He's like a brother to us!" Dolittle was on his feet, pounding his fists on the table. The bastard had some nerve asking them questions that made it sound like they had a vendetta, he fumed.

Beast stood and put a hand on Dolittle's shoulder in solidarity and glared at the man who would think such a thing. "Exactly." He said with venom.

Pax followed suit, except he looked at Beast and said, "c'mon Sarge, Dolitte, they don't know us. Those are fair questions."

"Exactly." Detective Desjardin said, his eyebrows raised. "Do you have something to hide?"

"Of course not, but you know there are something's we can't share." Dolittle said as they sat back down with a pointed look.

As Greg was about to say something, Spike entered the room, caught Greg's eye and lifted his chin at his Sergeant. Greg was glad to see him, this was not going well right now. "Spike." He said softly.

Spike walked forward a few feet and stopped next to the smaller man at the end of the table. He relayed everything that Sam told him to the group. He looked at the three men and said, "Sam told me he trusts you three with his life and that you would do anything to help him." He looked back at Greg. "They're innocent. Sam said it's all his fault and not to blame them."

With a smile, Greg looked at the detective. After a moment, he said, "detective?"

The Detective looked between the three men. He wasn't so sure that everything they said was true, but nothing they said warranted charges. "Sounds like a misunderstanding to me."

"Agreed." Rollie and Greg said together. Rollie looked at his team. "Let's head back to the barn Team Three and debrief." He received five "copy's" and they headed out as well the detective.

When the room was empty except for Greg, Wordy, Jules, Spike and the JTF2 guys, they just looked at each other.

"Hey. I'm Spike. Well, my name's Michelangelo, but my friends call me Spike." He turned to the three men and put out his hand.

Dolittle stood and shook the younger man's hand. "Dolittle, unit medic." He stepped back and introduced Beast and Pax as they each shook Spike's hand. "So what do you do on Sam's team?"

"Bombs and tech, you?" Spike smiled. Man that Beast guy was huge, he thought. He would be an awesome hand to hand combat trainer.

"Unit medic." Dolittle answered. "Beast is our Sarge and entry specialist, Pax is our sniper."

"Cool." Spike nodded and watched the rest of his team walk up.

Greg caught Beast's eye and tipped his head to the other end of the table.

Beast nodded and walked towards Greg. As he passed Wordy he stopped. "Hey, sorry about your nose. No hard feelings I hope." He asked sincerely.

Wordy smiled. "Bah, don't worry about it." He put out his hand and was a little surprised at Beast's firm grip as they shook hands. He put his other hand on Beast's shoulder when they shook hands and then let it drop.

"After I talk to your Sarge, I'd like for you to show me those moves. It's not many that can put me on my ass like that." Beast gave him an appreciative smile.

"You got it." Wordy laughed lightly and watched as Beast walked past. He didn't doubt Beast. He was a very big man, taking him down certainly wasn't easy.

"Is Sam ok?" Beast asked worriedly as he reached Greg.

"Yes. Spike says that they're getting him warmed and gave him some pain meds." Greg nodded.

"Thank you." Beast sighed. "So what can I do for you Sarge?" He asked as they stepped from the now conversing group.

"I just wanted to ask you about Wordy's nose and lip." Greg asked.

Beast took a breath, but was ready to face the consequences of his actions. What he did was assault and resisting arrest. "Wordy tried to detain me by using an arm hold and I resisted. I tried to twist out of it, but he used a pressure point on my arm and got me to the ground. I tried to get out of it by elbowing his face which didn't work." He looked back at Wordy. "He's damned good." He smiled but held up his hands in fists, waiting for the cuffs.

Greg put his hands on Beast's and pushed them down. "We're not pressing charges." When Beast looked at him with surprise he smiled and shrugged. "Simple accident. Wordy leaned forward as your arm came up. I just wanted to get your side of it. You told me the truth, which tells me a lot about you."

"I'm ready to pay for the consequences of my actions, Sergeant. My daddy always said, you do the crime, you do the time."

"Cop?" Greg looked at him with interest. He understood the need to do things the right way and take responsibility for your mistakes. Beast was a good man. Men like him belonged doing what they do for the Special Forces, not in jail.

"Yes sir. He's the equivalent of a Police Chief in Greece." Beast nodded.

His eyebrows flew up his forehead. "Wow. First generation to immigrate?" Greg smiled.

"Yep. Me and my sister." Beast answered.

"Nice. Must've been hard though, to leave everything you know. Pretty brave."

"Yeah I guess. It was necessary." Beast shrugged. "You lived here long?" He changed the subject. The man already had a read on him, which surprised him. He liked this team so far.

"Uh, no. I'm actually from Hamilton. My ex lived here so when we decided to get serious I transferred. Didn't work out, but I fell in love with this city." Greg itched his nose and looked at Beast.

"From what I've seen it's great." Beast nodded. "When can we see Sam?" He looked at his men who were now laughing and talking with Wordy, Spike and Jules.

"I just wanted to give you guys some background first. C'mon." Greg turned towards the group and put hand on the big man's arm. They walked up to the group just as Spike was finishing a story about a slippery subject.

"We all kept falling and slipping in the dish detergent. We were covered, the subject was covered. It was a mess. And I. Sure it looked like some kind of cartoon, all of us getting up and falling down right after." Spike said animatedly and used his hands while he talked.

"Sounds hilarious." Dolittle laughed.

"And," Spike raised his brows at Dolittle, "the subject kept trying to get away. After he realized he couldn't get up, he kind of swam away." He put his arms and one leg up and did a breast stroke.

Everyone was in stitches. "How did you catch him? And keep him contained?" Pax asked, holding his stomach from laughing so hard.

"Well, I 'swam' up to him and kind of tackled him. He was slippery so it was hard to get the cuffs on and keep them on. Eventually we had to be hosed down by the fire department." Spike smiled from ear to ear. "The neighborhood kids came and played in the suds for hours. The fire department had to stay and make sure the street got cleared of all the suds. It ended being up a huge block party. Our uniforms smelled lemon fresh for weeks." He could barely contain his laugh. It felt good to be able to laugh. The last couple months were really rough. Lou had been there that day and had made a joke of the suds by putting some on his face into a beard and piling more on his head like a hat. It was hilarious!

Beast saw the pain in Spike's eyes. It was obvious to him that the group had suffered a profound loss and were still dealing with it. He understood. This wasn't the first time he had lost someone close to him. His thoughts drifted to Greece, but he pushed them away.

"So, I just wanted to let you in on what's been happening the past week with Sam. Can we sit please?" Greg said when the laughter died down. Everyone complied and sat at the table,but his time the JTF2 guys were mixed in with Team One.


	28. Chapter 28

"When did this start?" Beast asked confused.

"Four days ago. We, uh, he had a tough negotiation with a subject. He couldn't get through and we had to use lethal force." Greg explained.

"He really connected to the subject, Darren Kovacs. Darren was an Army vet who wasn't allowed to reenlist, so Sam connected with Darren using his military background." Jules added. "He started having flashbacks that night."

"Haven't you gotten him help?" Dolittle furrowed his brows.

"He hid it from us until the next day." Wordy said irritated.

"When he freaked out at a call and then disappeared?" Pax asked.

"Yes. We didn't know then that he'd had a flashback. We found him at Matt's grave, in another flashback." Greg shook his head sadly, guilt washing over him. Why didn't they realize what was going on? They should've seen that Sam was in trouble. The damned kid was good at hiding things.

Spike put a hand on Greg's shoulder. "It's ok Boss. None of us realized what was happening."

"Well, Shadow is really good at hiding injuries. I can't tell you how many times we trekked across the desert and he had a broken ankle or bullet wound he didn't tell me about." Dolittle said reassuringly.

"We're starting to understand that more and more." Wordy nodded. He told them about Sam's knee injury last month.

##### Sam's room #####

Sam drifted between asleep and awake while his body warmed. The air blanket made him feel warm and safe. He could feel the warm fluids flowing from his IV and circulating in his body. It was like drinking a cup of hot chocolate on a cold winters day, warming him from the inside out. When they got him back to his room, they said his temperature was 31.8 degrees celsius and had started warming him right away. Sam knew that was a dangerous temperature from his cold weather training. He was close to passing out and going into a coma which scared him.

Megan walked into the room and to his side, where Ed stood and gave them space. "How're you feeling Sam?" She asked quietly while she took his vitals and temp.

"Getting warmer and my pain is down to a three." Sam gave her a small smile. It'd been extremely painful for him to ride in the wheelchair, and Beast had offered to carry him, but he would not be humiliated by being carried like a child. Luckily the doctor told Megan to bring a dose of pain meds before they headed up. It wasn't super strong, Sam had made sure, but it took the edge off.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Three? You sure?"

He looked at Ed who raised a brow. Damn it. "Ok, it's more like five-ish, but it's manageable. I don't want anything stronger." Sam said with determination. He needed a clear head and he certainly hadn't had that the last few days.

"Five-ish? Sam." Ed warned.

"I'm ok. I just need to sleep." Sam closed his eyes for emphasis.

"Fine, but any worse than that and I give you something." Megan relented.

"I promise." Sam didn't open his eyes. He let the warmth relax him and he slipped quickly to sleep.

"Thanks." Ed whispered to Megan and smiled. He walked to Leah and sat on the windowsill with her while Megan left.

Leah watched the exchange and smiled. Ed sat next to her and looked at the floor, lost in thought. She tipped her head down to catch his eye. She looked up at Sam and put a hand on Ed's back in solidarity. She was worried about Sam too. In the few months that she'd been on Team One, she'd learned a lot about them, how they communicate, how they anticipate each other's needs, and especially the way they cared for each other. She felt accepted by them, but it was tenuous at first. She understood. It was hard for them to lose a family member and the bracelets had definitely been a good bridge for them.

##### conference room #####

They spent the next half hour talking about everything that went on the last couple days. It left the JTF2 guys shaking their heads.

How did Shadow get into these messes? One right after another, Beast thought. He looked at Greg. "So what about this counselor? Has she been in to see him?"

"I called her and asked her stop in later tonight. After what happened today, I thought it was a good idea." Greg nodded.

"Agreed." Pax added his nod.

"Listen, why don't we go up to the waiting room? It'll be a little more comfortable, we can talk some more and you guys can go in and visit with Sam when he's more stable." Greg proposed. When everyone shrugged and or nodded, they stood and moved to the waiting room, chatting along the way.

Ed walked out of Sam's room just as the group reached the waiting room.

"Eddie. How is he?" Wordy lifted his chin when he saw Ed.

"He's ok. His temperature is nearly back to normal, but he's resting right now." Ed nodded and looked at the three men.

"Ed this is Beast, Pax and Dolittle, Sam's JTF2 unit mates." Spike pointed at each of the new guys.

"Hey. How are ya." Ed smiled and shook hands with each, although he was cautious.

"Sorry about today." Dolittle gave the imposing blue eyes an apologetic look. I wouldn't want to have to go toe to toe with this guy, he thought.

"Just a misunderstanding I hear." Ed nodded.

"Yeah, but still," Pax acquiesced, "we'd never do anything to intentionally hurt Sam. I want you to know that." He could see in Ed's steel blue eyes that he would fight to the death to protect Sam and Pax appreciated it more than the man could know. He knew Beast and Dolittle appreciated it too.

"Good. That's music to my ears." Ed gave the man a smile. He could see the truth of that statement in their eyes and faces.

"Excuse me." Beast smiled at Ed and stepped away. He took out his phone as he walked past Sam's room to the stairwell. He waited until the door closed behind him and he'd checked the stairs up and down before he dialed the General.

Braddock.

"Sir. Shadow sitrep."

The General took a breath. "Go ahead Sergeant."

"He's ok Sir." Beast gave a rundown of the few injuries, but didn't mention today's adventure. He and his men needed to stay to try to help Shadow, so he knew he may need to tell the General about Shadow's mental state. He hated to, he knew Sam and his dad weren't close and that they had some big issues to work through if they ever actually talked to each other. He would tell the General only if he absolutely had to.

"Good. Thank you-"

"Sir." Beast hated to interrupt, but he knew the General was ending the call. "Request permission for us to stay an extra 24 hours."

He was surprised by the request. The Sergeant wasn't usually so abrupt and especially with a superior officer. There was only one reason he would dare such insubordination, one of his men needed him. His unit was always one of the tightest and for good reason, they'd been through alot together. Going through the hard times together cemented their friendship and ultimately, their brotherhood. As much as he needed Beast's unit back in the desert, it could wait 24 hours. Obviously Samuel needed his friend's support right now and he wouldn't deny them. It was the least he could do. "Permission granted. Report to the previously indicated pick up in 24 hours. And Sergeant?"

Beast released the breath he didn't know he was holding. "Sir?"

"Thank you, from the missus and I."

"You're welcome. Anytime Sir." Beast hung up and breathed a sigh of relief. He looked up when a hand landed on his shoulder.

"What's up Sarge?" Pax gave Beast an assessing look.

A smile cracked his face. "We've got 24 hours until we ship out."

Pax sighed in relief. "Good." He looked away and then back into Beast's eyes.

"I know." Beast nodded. He knew exactly what Pax was feeling, he was worried too. "Now we have the time to help." He smiled and patted his friend on the shoulder before he moved past and out the stairwell door. He looked at Pax who had followed him out and was walking to his left.

With a nod, Pax broke off and went into Sam's room. He would go in first. He let a smile curve the edge of his mouth as he walked in. He was glad Beast had understood that he wanted to go in first and alone. He walked to the bed and looked down at the man before him. The soft whir of the air circulating in the blanket nearly over rode the beeping of the heart monitor. He looked at the monitor and saw that everything looked normal. "Fallen angel, in the dark. Never thought you'd fall so far. Fallen angel, close your eyes. I won't let you fall tonight." He said softly as he watched Sam sleep.

"You do it all for my own protection. You make me feel like I'll be okay. Still I have so many questions." Sam heard someone come in the room, but kept his eyes closed. When he heard Pax reciting lyrics from one of his favorite songs by Three Days Grace, it was hard to control his emotions. He opened his eyes and looked directly into Pax's deep brown ones.

"How did you stay so strong? How did you hide it all for so long? How can I take the pain away?" Pax took Sam's hand in his and held them up so that they were elbow to elbow almost like they were going to arm wrestle. It was a strong grip and solidified their brotherly bond.

Sam shook his head and looked up at the ceiling, the tears dripping from his eyes.

"Talk to me brother." Pax looked behind him, pulled up the chair and sat down, putting their elbows on the bed and never losing his grip.

It took several moments before Sam was able to get his emotions under control. He let out a soft laugh mixed with a sigh. "I'm a mess Pax. I'm a fucking mess and my whole career is on the line. My life. What would I do without them?"

Pax let a small smirk hint at his face. "Sounds familiar." When Sam looked at him, he lifted a brow. He sighed and leaned forward. "What did you tell me that day you came to visit after my, stupidity?"

"Pax." Sam looked at him incredulously.

"Sam, I burned us both. It was stupidity." Pax returned Sam's look. "Anyway, what did you say? When I said almost those exact words to you, what did you tell me?" When Sam continued to stare at him he rolled his eyes. "You said, 'Pax, we're all messes and we've all gotten ourselves into messes. You just need to focus on what you have to do to get out of it and we're going to help you do it. If, and that's a big if, you end up not being able to come back, we'll deal with it, but you will never EVER lose us as your friends and brothers.'" He watched the impact of the words cross Sam's face. He could see that Sam didn't realize he'd said the same thing all those years ago. "Trust me when I say, brother, that those six people out there are willing to move hell and high water to help you too. You won't lose them."

"Is everything ok with the three of you? Do you have to go downtown?" Sam asked, suddenly concerned that what happened could have serious consequences for them.

He put up his other hand. "It's all good. A detective came here and we explained what happened. Don't worry, it was just an accident, but Beast gave Wordy a nose bleed and split lip when Wordy was trying to restrain Beast. He could've pressed charges, but Wordy said he didn't want to. He's a good guy. All of your team seem to be great people. They're all worried about you."

Sam frowned at the mention of the split lip and bloody nose but was glad to hear that Wordy didn't want to press charges. He smiled when he thought of his team. "Yeah, they are."

"So.." Pax was about to ask Sam a question when the most beautiful brunette he'd ever seen walked in the door. He was gobsmacked, unsure if he was even breathing until she said something in the silkiest voice he'd ever heard. When her smile dropped he shook his head. "Sorry. I didn't catch that."

Hannah smiled and tucked a clump of hair behind her ear. He was giving her a look she hadn't seen in quite some time and it made butterflies romp in her stomach. "I said, hi I'm Hannah."

 **AN: The Three Days Grace song is called Fallen Angel (no really! Lol). I definitely suggest you give it a listen. Obviously I don't own the song or any rights to the song. Sorry this took so long. I had a week long medical treatment and just didn't get back to it. But, my muse has kicked my butt into gear and I am back! Please review!**


	29. Chapter 29

Sam smirked. "Hannah, this is my friend Pax. We served in the Special Forces together. Pax this is my counselor Hannah." He chuckled internally at the starstruck look on Pax's face.

Pax released Sam's hand, stood and put his hand out. "Nice to meet you Hannah."

"Nice to met you too, Pax." She shook his hand and felt an instant spark. Whoa. She hadn't felt something like that since her husband. That thought sent a shot through her heart and she dropped his hand. Two years was a long time to the rest of the world, but to her it still felt like yesterday.

He frowned when he saw sadness fill her eyes. Pax looked back at Sam who shrugged. When he returned his gaze to her he could see she'd pushed whatever it was away and had switched to professional mode. When their eyes met again, he felt his heart leap.

"So is Pax your first or last name?" Hannah couldn't pull her eyes from his. It'd been so long. She'd just started dating again, but had really only gone on one disastrous date. It was hard to let go of the five years of memories with Liam and to think about making new ones with someone else.

"Part of my last actually. My name is Keith Paxman. My call sign is Pax." He smiled. When she returned it, he saw she had a beautiful smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"We couldn't figure out what to use so we started off using his last name, then shortened it. It was kind of lame on our part, but it stuck." Sam shrugged.

"I like it." Hannah smiled and looked away shyly. Oh god, what was she doing? Flirting? Why not, her inner voice asked. Liam would want you to move on and be happy. She looked back at him, fighting to keep the fear from her eyes. She moved past him to stand near Sam. "How're you feeling?" She smiled at him.

"Warm." Sam said simply.

"I was glad to hear that you were ok." Hannah nodded. "Greg called." She explained. She could see that both men were feeling uncomfortable. She turned to Pax. "You know, I could really use some coffee, would you mind?" She raised a brow at him.

Pax gave Sam a questioning look. When Sam gave a slight nod, he turned to Hannah and smiled. "How do you like it?"

"Cream, three sugars." She put a hand on his arm. "Thanks." She said meaningfully. He nodded, then turned and left. She watched him go and raised a brow at his tush in those military dress pants. Ooh Lordy! She thought. No. You're here to help Sam, not oogle his hot friend, she reminded herself as she sat in the chair next to Sam's bed.

Sam couldn't help but chuckle as she sat in the chair looking flushed. Yeah, Pax had that effect on women. He hadn't changed a bit, he thought with a smile.

##### waiting room #####

With a smile, Pax left the room and headed to the waiting room. He knew she'd asked for coffee to give them some time alone and he was glad. Sam could clearly use any help he could get. When he arrived at the waiting room, he saw that it had cleared out considerably. Beast and Greg were deep in conversation while Wordy and Dolittle were sitting side by side, both lost in thought. He sat down next to Wordy and smiled when Wordy looked at him.

"How's he doing?" Wordy asked with concern as he sat up straighter in his chair. He could see out of the corner of his eye that Dolittle had come out of his thoughts, leaned forward and was looking at Pax, interested in the answer.

"He's, umm-" Pax looked at Dolittle.

"Honest opinion." Dolittle nodded. He didn't want Sam's team to be out of the loop or not know the full story. In 24 hours, they'd be leaving Sam in their care, it had to be with complete trust.

"He's, not good." Pax shook his head. "I've only seen him like this once.."

"When Matt died." Wordy offered. When Pax nodded, Wordy blew out a breath. And, he thought grimly, he's having flashbacks with and without Matt.

"So Greg said this started after a call where Sam used his

military background, right?" Dolittle raised his brows at Wordy. He picked up his chair and moved it so he was facing both of them.

"Right. He told the subject about when Matt died." Wordy nodded.

"Did you guys know about it before that?" Pax asked.

"Yes. We were a little surprised that Sam decided to share that with the subject." Wordy saw the knowing look in Pax's eyes and continued, "it's still hard for him to talk about Matt, but the first rule in negotiating is never lie to the subject. He could relate to the subject's military experience and used his own to try to help the man."

Dolittle saw the sadness in Wordy's eyes and put a hand on Wordy's shoulder. "It must've been tough when you had to elim the target, I mean subject."

"It's never easy to take a life, even when you know that taking that life will save others. The subject had Spike with a gun to his head and then pointed the gun at Sam. Ed didn't have a choice." Wordy took a breath and sighed it out. "Sam took it really hard. He wanted to quit the SRU, but we were able to talk him out of it. We went to The Goose, our local watering hole, after but I could tell he was distracted. I didn't realize it then, but he had a flashback." He looked at Dolittle, anger in his tone. "He kept it from us. He should've told one of us, we could've tried to help sooner."

"I know." Pax nodded. "Sam was probably just trying to keep anyone from worrying. It's his modus operandi." He gave a small chuckle thinking about all the times Sam didn't tell them about an injury or problem and used that as an excuse, it frustrated them all to no end. "But he means well." He added.

"Yeah. That hasn't changed." Wordy chuckled. He launched into a story about Sam being covered in princess fairy dust and accidentally inhaling it. He never told them when he started having breathing problems and was chasing the subject down the block. They didn't know until he collapsed after apprehending and securing the subject. "He was ok, but he was coughing fairy dust for a week."

Both Pax and Dolittle were laughing hard when Pax caught movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned and saw Hannah standing outside Sam's room and looking upset. He looked at Dolittle and Wordy then stood. As he hurried out of the room, he knew they were right behind him. "Hannah. What's wrong?"

***** Sam's room 15 minutes earlier *****

"So tell me what happened today." Hannah cleared her throat and smiled at Sam, trying to put thoughts of the gorgeous man she just flirted with out of her mind.

Sam could see that Pax had flustered her and he gave her a sec to get a hold of herself. "I thought you said the Boss told you?" He smiled back.

"I'd like to hear it from you." She reached in her purse and pulled out a small notebook and pen.

He sighed. "I was just lying here when three men came into the room. I recognized them as my Special Forces buddies and I think I went into a flashback." Sam frowned. He picked up the bed controls and moved the top so that he was more upright.

"Why do you think it was a flashback?"

"Everything got really confusing. I was kidding around with Beast, trying to keep him from pummeling me, but Pax was there. He was supposed to be in the hospital at that time." Sam frowned and cocked his head. "It didn't make sense for him to be in the room. The more I thought about it, the more it confused me and I panicked." He blew out a breath.

"So you ran." It was a statement rather than a question.

"Yeah, which is weird for me."

"Why's that?"

"Because when I'm faced with fight or flight, I always chose fight." His eyes were dark and serious.

"Why do you think you choose flight this time?" She held his intense gaze and wondered how he made such a 180 flip in his primitive response.

Sam lifted his shoulders and looked away. "I don't know." This is so crazy, he thought as he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "What's wrong with me?" He turned pleading eyes to her.

"Well, you've had a lot happen in a short time and you're having a hard time processing it all. That doesn't make you crazy, Sam," she tipped her head down slightly and gave him a small smile, "it makes you human."

He considered that for a moment. "The Godwin." Sam nodded.

"Yes. Let's go back to that day. Walk me through it."

"Well, after workout we were-"

"No, before that. Start at the very beginning." She interrupted.

"Ok." He drew the word out, a little annoyed.

She quirked her mouth. "Humor me."

"It's all boring though." When her steady gaze didn't waver, he shrugged. "It was a normal morning. I got up at 4, showered and ran to the barn."

"How did you sleep?"

"Good." He nodded.

"No nightmares?" She tipped her head to the side. She could see that he had a mask up, but his eyes were telling her something else.

Sam controlled his face so that she wouldn't see his surprise, but he couldn't help staring at her.

"I really want to help you Sam, but I need you to be honest." Hannah leaned forward and narrowed her eyes.

He looked away and worked his jaw. Could he tell her? If she thought he was too screwed up she would tell the Sarge and then what would he have left? He looked up suddenly. What does he have now? The Sarge won't let him back on the team right now, not after everything that's happened. He shook his head, raised his eyebrows and looked up. Help me Matt, he thought. He looked back at Hannah who was waiting patiently. "How did you know?" He eyed her.

"How long have they been going on?" She frowned.

"A couple days before the Godwin." Sam looked down at his hands.

"Can you describe one for me?" She could see the turmoil crossing his face and it tugged at her heart strings. It was obvious he'd been through a lot.

"It's classified." He hoped that would stop her.

"Everything you say here is safe Sam. I'm obligated not to discuss anything I've heard here." She tipped her head down. "Is it Matt?"

He bit his lip to keep the tears at bay. "Every year at this time, but I can always see it clearly. We did our usual goodbye before he left. I looked him in the eye. He had his normal, everything-is-going-to-be-fine look." His lip trembled without his permission.

#####

"Just another day at the beach." Matt smiled as they prepared to part per usual. He looked up and enjoyed the sun on his face.

"Of course." Sam shrugged and gave Matt a lopsided smile. "Be careful brother." He put his fist out.

"You two wanna kiss goodbye already?" Craze laughed, took a bite of his jerky and put it back in one of the pockets on his vest.

Beast laughed as he stopped next to Craze, lifted his arm a few inches and put his arm on Craze's head. He crossed one foot over the other and grinned widely at the two men. "Seriously."

Craze pushed Beast's arm off his head and punched the big man in the chest with force. "We need to roll." He looked back at Shadow and Remnant with a meaningful look. He understood their ritual. He'd never seen two men so close. It was understood in their job that they may not come back, but they never ever said goodbye. They refused to say it outright, but just in case..

"See you later." Matt fist bumped Sam, smiled and followed the rest of the unit.

"Later brother." Sam watched the unit leave then started to jog to the west towards his position. The sand made it hard to run, but he'd been doing it for years so it didn't bother him too much. He picked up the pace and reached his hide sooner than expected. He climbed down to the small indent in the rock face of the dune and settled in. He pulled out his rifle and set it up. He laid on his stomach and put his eye to the sight. He switched on his comm. "Shadow in position."

"You made excellent time." Craze chuckled. Damn that kid could run fast, he thought as they continued their stealth approach of the small settlement.

"Maybe we should change his call sign to Speedy Gonzalez." Remnant laughed softly.

"Um, no." Shadow smiled and moved the rifle to scout ahead of them. "Hold. Bringing the rain in five." He heard crackling in his ear and hit his comms unit. "Craze you copy?"

"Copy." Craze acknowledged. He muted his comms and waited while the others did the same. He'd gotten it fine. Sending you in in five. When the others muted he looked at each of them. "Remnant, Tolie, go to the East, get in position. Beast you and Dolittle head west, I'll hold here. You know the mission, stay safe."

Shadow moved the rifle again searching for the targets. He switched channels. "Shadow to Light. You out there?"

"Light to Shadow, we read you. We're tracking several targets in the settlement."

"Copy." Shadow moved to the coordinates they supplied, sighted the target and fired. With the guidance of the base, he hit five more targets. The last was on the outskirts, but he knew the unit was waiting for his word to move in. He smiled confidently and flicked the channel. What he heard next sent chills up his spine. Tolie was screaming. Blood curdling, heart breaking, soul shattering screaming. "Craze?" Sam picked up and stowed his rifle in record time as he sprinted at break neck speed for the village.

"East of the village." Craze growled as they sped towards Tolie.

Shadow stopped in his tracks when he saw the sight before him. "No." It was barely a whisper, but it was heard by the rest of the unit gathered around the familiar body. He walked forward, not knowing he was doing it, and fell to his knees. He put a hand to his chest, trying to keep his heart from falling out of the hole he was sure was there. It didn't work and his heart fell from his chest, shattering into a million pieces on the sand. He leaned down, took the limp hand in his and put it to his face. The sound that escaped his lips was described by the rest of the unit as guttural, animalistic and heart-breaking. "Maaaaaaaaaaatttttttttt!"

#####

Hannah covered her ears until his yell stopped. She looked to the door, expecting to see Sam's unit or team but none appeared. She looked at the nurses at the station and realized she couldn't hear them. The room was soundproof. She looked back at her patient. He had his knees bent, his arms around his knees, his head buried and was sobbing uncontrollably. She stood and ran from the room.


	30. Chapter 30

"Hannah?" Pax tipped his head down trying to catch her eyes. She was crying and shaking, what the hell happened?

Dolittle and Beast rushed into the room, but slowed and approached Sam cautiously, knowing that it would be bad if Sam was startled. They were all trained to be hypervigilant and deadly with their hands if necessary. Dolittle exchanged a look with Beast who had moved to the other side of the bed. He was about a foot from the bed when he spoke. "Sam? What's going on buddy?"

Sam kept his eyes closed and head down. He couldn't bear to look them in the eye, not after what he'd done. Tolie had made a run at him, but Beast had easily restrained him. Dolittle had to give Tolie a sedative to get the man to calm down. "Why?" He said after several minutes. He raised his head and looked at Dolittle. "WHY was he there? He shouldn't have been there!" The tears streamed down his reddened face.

"No, he shouldn't." Dolittle shook his head a couple times. "But it wasn't your fault Sam. You didn't know."

"I SHOULD'VE KNOWN!" Sam yelled. "Craze didn't tell me where you were. I didn't know!" He put his hands over his eyes.

"There's no way you could've known Sam!" Beast jumped in and moved closer to the bed. "Look at me." His voice softened. When Sam didn't drop his hands, Beast sighed. "Sam, look at me."

He dropped his hands and looked at Beast. "I killed my best friend." Sam sniffed.

"It was an accident Sam. Nothing more." Beast said gently. "We all know that. Remember the inquiry? It was a series of errors. Your comms unit was acting up. You told us to hold, but Craze heard go. He didn't have you repeat it because he was positive of what you told him."

Sam looked at Dolittle who nodded. He returned his gaze to Beast.

"Matt and Tolie moved to the west, but they got too close to the settlement. They thought you were done, and then the tech didn't verify the ID of the last target. If he had he would've known it was a friendly." Beast shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. It was a clusterfuck of stupid mistakes which had caused changes to be made, but not in time to save Matt, or the tech who took his life shortly after. He suddenly knew why all of this happened to Sam. "We lost him today." His eyes watered. He stepped to the edge of the bed and put a big hand gently on Sam's shoulder. He knew the anniversary was coming soon, but with the funeral and coming here, he forgot. How could he forget?

"I refuse to lose you too." Dolittle followed Beast in his actions. "We're going to get you through this brother."

He sobbed hard and put his head back in his arms. Sam felt Dolittle slide his other arm around Sam's arms and hold him gently as they all cried.

##### outside Sam's room #####

Wordy, Hannah and Greg watched the three men in silence. Pax had run back in the room after he made sure Hannah was ok. Wordy had his arm around Hannah's shoulders and was glad they'd gotten her to calm down. He felt bad for her. It was hard for them to hear Sam talk about the day Matt died. From the little she said, Sam had been very descriptive and uncensored when he talked about it. There had to be more though as she still wouldn't look at him. "It's ok Hannah. Why don't we go sit down?"

"No. I'm ok." Hannah pushed from Wordy and wiped her eyes. She wasn't really. She'd really tried to remain professional as she listened to Sam talk, but she was also human. Only a heartless, cold, animal wouldn't feel the pain Sam felt as he explained how he killed his best friend.

Greg stepped in front of her. "I'm sorry for your loss." He put a hand on her shoulder.

She looked at him surprised, but deflected. "I'm sorry I got so upset. I should go back in now." She nodded and took a step before he grabbed her arm gently.

"I think we should give them a few minutes." Greg looked in the room then at her. "How long has it been?" He gently steered her towards the waiting room with Wordy close behind.

Hannah sniffed and let him walk her to the waiting room where she grabbed some tissues and blew her nose several times. She took a deep breath, sat between Greg and Wordy and tried to get the images out of her head of Sam kneeling next to his dead friend.

When his phone vibrated, Wordy stood, walked to the other side of the room and answered his phone. "Hey Shel- oh hey ladybug." He smiled.

"It was unprofessional of me to leave the room. I promise you it won't happen again Sergeant." She put a hand to her chest and looked at him sincerely.

"You're human." Greg smiled softly. He was a little surprised she'd switched to using his title, but he understood she was switching back to professional mode.

She shook her head and looked towards Sam's room. "He's been through a lot for someone so young."

Greg nodded. "He's amazingly resilient though. He'll be ok." He sighed.

After a moment she looked at him. She made a decision. "Two years, but it seems like just yesterday."

"I'm sorry." Greg gave her an understanding look.

Hannah studied him for a moment. "How long for you?"

He raised his brows, but answered anyway. "Five months."

"I'm so sorry." She cringed. "I know people say it gets better with time, but in reality, you use the time to find ways to cope with the pain and that's ok." Hannah could see it was still too raw and let that float in the room. She looked up and saw Wordy nodding his head, a sad look on his face.

##### inside Sam's room #####

Pax walked to Dolittle and leaned into their hug.

Dolittle smiled at the extra weight and heard Sam grunt so he picked Pax and himself off of Sam a little. He looked at Pax after a few moments and they stepped back from the bed. He sat in the chair next to the bed while Pax remained standing.

Sam kept his head down, unsure of what to say. He hated crying in front of people, especially his unit guys. But, he thought, they have seen it before and never made him feel bad.

"Lift your head brother. Nothing to be ashamed of here." Beast said with conviction.

"But I-" Sam frowned up at the big man.

"Nope." Beast crossed his big arms across his chest, his face set in stone.

With a nod and a half grin, Sam looked at the three men. "Thanks guys." He took a breath and held it, knowing what he wanted to say next would be hard. His eyes started to water but he held it back. "I'm-" he cleared his throat, "uh, sorry I missed the funeral."

"It's ok." Dolittle squeezed Sam's hand.

"I should've been there." Sam shook his head, fresh tears falling. "For you guys, for his wife and kids."

"I know you wanted to be, and so did his family. She told us to find you and make sure you were ok. She knew how tight you and Craze were." Pax put a hand on Sam's leg. "She's worried about you." He stole a look at Beast. "We all are."

"I know. I'm sorry." Sam dropped his head.

"Nothing to be sorry for brother. I'm sorry I haven't been here for you. I know how hard today is for you." Beast shook his head sadly. "This is the second time you've gone through this alone." He cleared his throat when it thickened. "And that's not right. We are a unit and we take care of each other. We weren't here and I'm- I'm so sorry buddy." He put a hand he over his mouth to stifle a sob.

Pax moved to Beast's side and put a hand on the big man's shoulder.

"You were on assignment." Sam looked at Beast incredulously.

"No. We should've been here." Dolittle eyes teared and overflowed. "I'm so sorry." He whispered as he wiped his eyes.

"You're here now." Sam squeezed Dolittle's hand and gave Beast a nod.

But were they in time, Pax thought grimly. He hated to see Sam like this. Suddenly, he came up with an idea. "I'll be right back." He whispered to Dolittle then turned and left.

For several hours after Pax returned to the room, they talked. They talked about Craze and swapped stories about different things that happened, especially after Sam left. At one point, they were laughing so hard and loud that the nurse threatened to kick them out if they didn't quiet down.

Beast chuckled and smiled at Sam. It was good to see him smiling and laughing, it meant he wasn't as far gone as they thought. Not as bad as the day it happened. He could still hear Tolie and Sam screaming. It was gut wrenching. In fact, when he saw the state of Matt's body, he'd lost his breakfast. The jerky killed coming back up. Craze had called for a medivac, but it was for Tolie and Sam. Neither of them were in any condition to even get to the exfil. The bird touched down just outside the settlement and picked them up.

Picked up was a relative term. Sam had lashed out if anyone tried to touch him. He lay over Matt, sobbing and apologizing over and over. Beast had to slowly make his way next to Sam by shuffling forward on his knees until he was close enough to jump and lay on Sam so Dolittle could sedate him. When Tolie ran at Sam, Craze was able to put him in a sleeper hold and knock him out so Dolittle could dose him too. Beast carried Sam while Craze shouldered Tolie to the chopper. After each woke, they were spitting mad, especially since they were restrained.

It took everything the unit had to keep Sam from ending his life. It hurt them hard that Sam was in so much pain. So much that he couldn't think about taking another breath. They understood. They were brothers, they felt the loss weigh on them, but they had to focus on Sam. The team was on leave until the inquiry was completed and they all spoke to a counselor. They spent every moment together, talking and listening when Sam needed it.

Sam became reclusive, but Craze was instrumental in helping him. Craze refused to leave Sam's side, even when Sam went to the bathroom which caused several heated arguments. He made sure each of their service weapons were very well hidden from Sam. He was Sam's bodyguard and sounding board. He helped Sam keep the nightmares at bay when they got really bad.

Beast never told any of them, but one night, the nightmares were at their worst. It killed him to hear Sam begging for Craze to put him out of his misery. That he couldn't stand to see the shot over and over. Sam's guilt and pain was overwhelming. Beast had cried softly until he'd cried himself to sleep.

Unfortunately, Tolie was unable to control himself. Whenever he had free time, he went after Sam. He was finally removed from duty and sent home.

There was a lull in the conversation and Sam drifted off to sleep. Dolittle felt Sam's hand go slack in his and he laid it gently on the bed. He motioned to Pax and Beast and they left the room so they didn't wake Sam. He sighed. "He shouldn't be alone tonight. I talked to the nurse and she had a cot brought up." He tipped his chin at the folded metal cot next to Beast.

"I'll stay. You guys go get a motel, meet back in the morning." Dolittle nodded.

"Nope. We split the bed. She gave us extra blankets so we put the mattress on the floor, blankets on the bed and one in the chair in case he needs us. I'll take the bed." Pax shook his head.

"Pax you take first watch. I'll take the mattress. Dolittle the bed. We switch in three hours." Beast shook his head.

"Copy." Pax and Dolittle answered.

Before they split, Dolittle looked at Pax. "Where did you go earlier?"

"I've got an idea about how to help Sam, but we're going to need a little help." Pax looked at them seriously.


	31. Chapter 31

Beast stole a look at Sam who was staring blankly out the window, earbuds in and rock music blaring. He understood Sam was upset, but this was necessary. They didn't have time to mess around, the General was only able to give them an extra eight hours. It was the most they could be extended, the mission they needed to go on was extremely critical. He looked at Pax across the aisle in the row behind Sam. They'd each tried to talk to Sam during the flight, but they were stonewalled. He tipped his head toward Sam and lifted his chin.

Pax stood and slid into the seat in front of him. He looked at Sam, waiting. Sam was angry, he got it. He'd been glad when the others agreed that this was just what Sam needed to help him. It hadn't been hard to convince the doctor, Sam was well enough by morning to be able to travel. His temperature was normal, his ribs were healing and his pain was manageable with over the counter pain meds. He saw the slight change in Sam's face when he sat down so he continued to wait.

Sam knew someone had sat down next to him, but he didn't care. He was in a foul mood and the pounding beat of the music was fueling it further. His anger was in full force and he wasn't sure if he could contain it. He knew Pax wasn't going to leave so he pulled an earbud out but didn't look at him.

"How's it going?" Pax asked, keeping his tone light. When Sam gave him an annoyed look, he shook his head. "It's going to be ok."

"Pax." Sam drew the word out and made it a warning.

"We just want to help Sam and unfortunately our time together this trip is short. I know you'd rather be anywhere but here right now, and I'm with you. You know how much I love to fly." Pax's mouth quirked up.

He couldn't help the chuckle that escaped. During their short tour together, Pax had revealed to Sam that it was pure guts, and puking them out when he hit ground, that got him through the Special Forces training. Everything else had been cake, but Pax's fear of heights had nearly cost him his spot. Pax had lucked out with his first unit, they never had to do a drop. Then he got back into Craze's unit after he recovered from his burns, but only because Matt had died and Sam had quit. "About as much as I do right now." Sam furrowed his brow at Pax's face when it went white from a little turbulence. "Just breathe." He put a hand on Pax's arm. "Sniper breathing, like I taught you."

Following the rhythm as Sam counted it out, slowly Pax was able to get himself back under control. Luckily it was only a short flight and by the time the color went back into his face, they were landing. He smiled at Sam. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Sam smiled and looked out the window as the ground sped past them and the wheels bumped on the runway. When they pulled to a stop near the small airport building he lifted his crutches from next to him and waited until the others started getting off.

"You need a hand?" Beast asked as he stood and moved into the aisle so he could stand up straight.

"No, I'm good." Sam smiled, shook his head, crutched into the walkway and down out of the small plane.

A big hand fell on Pax's shoulder and he looked up. "Nice job brother." Beast smiled. He knew that little distraction would work.

"Perfect." Dolittle clapped Pax's other shoulder.

Pax nodded to each and his face dropped. This was going to be just as hard as the first time they were here the other day. "Let's do this."

A few minutes later when Pax got in the back seat with Sam, he smiled.

Beast turned in the front passenger seat, then turned back when he saw that Sam was back to listening to his music and staring out the window.

He didn't want to do this, Sam thought angrily. Why were they making him do this? He wanted to grieve in his own way, not be forced like this. Why Craze? Why? He thought grimly. It wasn't fair. Craze was an amazing Sergeant and an even better friend, especially after Matt died.

It took them about five minutes to reach their destination, but the ride was silent, each man lost in their own thoughts. The funeral was tough, but this was going to be worse. The three men stepped out of the car and waited.

Sam's eyes focused outside the window beyond the guys to the headstones. No, no, no. It wasn't true. Craze wasn't dead. No. If he stepped out of this car it meant it was true and he couldn't let it be true. He looked away, but everywhere he looked there were headstones. Suddenly the door next to him opened and his heart kicked into high gear. "No!" He yelled and pulled back from the door.

"It's time to go buddy." Dolittle said gently as he looked into the car. He could see that Sam was panicking, so he knelt next to the door.

"I can't." Sam whispered. He looked at Dolittle, his eyes brimmed with tears.

"You need to say goodbye." Dolittle said firmly. "I know it hurts brother, but we are with you. We'll hold you up."

He knew Dolittle was right, but he still didn't like it. Sam stepped out of the car, pulled his crutches out and let the guys guide him to the gravesite. He squinted in the bright sun and put his good hand over his eyes. After a few minutes, he found himself in front of a stone. He stopped and stared.

It was real. Craze was gone. He put his good hand over his mouth to stifle a sob. "No. Tony." He breathed. He dropped to his knees and stifled a groan from the pain it caused his leg and hip. He felt someone next to him, but didn't look up. He let his crutches fall where they may and had a brief thought that he hoped they hadn't hit anyone. He put a hand up and ran his hand over the letters. It read: Sgt Tony Johnson CSF, Husband, Father, Hero. He sat back on his legs and buried his head in his hands. Why Tony? Why you? Why not me? It should've been me, he thought. I killed Matt, I deserve to be six feet under. "I'm so sorry Tony. I should've been there. I could've protected you and the unit."

Beast was standing with Pax, back a little from the grave, giving Sam some time. He had Dolittle stay next to Sam just in case. He was glad when he saw Sam collapse to his knees. He knew that had to hurt given Sam's injuries. He clenched his jaw, trying to keep his emotions in check as he listened to Sam pour his heart out to Craze. It was getting harder to hold it in the more Sam talked. Sam was telling Craze everything he was feeling too. The feelings he was trying to avoid so that he could stay strong for his men. He'd gone over and over that day in his mind and he always came to the same answer. If he had stayed with Craze instead of moving in as ordered he could've taken out the insurgent before he killed Craze. He looked to the east, away from them.

Pax put a hand on Beast's shoulder. He could see his new Sarge was struggling, he was too. This was so hard. Losing a unit mate was rough, but to also lose someone you considered a brother hurt even worse.

It felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest and Sam put his casted arm across his chest instinctively to keep it in. His other hand stayed on the stone, holding him up. It hurt to breathe so he look in small breaths between sobs. I can't do this Craze, he thought. First Sarah, then Matt and Lou, now you. I couldn't protect you. It's my job and I failed. I failed you all. "I'm so sorry." He let his hand slip from the stone and he slumped forward, crying uncontrollably.

When Dolittle saw Sam slump he went down on one knee, his arms around Sam's waist. "It's ok Sam. His work here is done now. It's time for him to rest." When Sam didn't move he looked to Pax and Beast. He moved so that he was next to the stone and facing Sam. He put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "I'm layin down my gun, I'm hanging up my boots. I'm up here with a God and we're both watching over you." He started off slow, his voice hitching at the words.

"So lay me down. In that open field out at the end of town." Beast added his deep base and continued to look out over the cemetery.

"Know my soul, is where my momma always wished that it would go." Pax added his alto rich voice. "If you're reading this, I'm already home." He patted Beast's shoulder and they walked the few steps to Sam and Dolittle. Their voices raised together to honor their fallen friend.

If you're reading this

Halfway around the world

I won't be there

To see the birth of our little girl

I hope she looks like you

I hope she fights like me

Stand up for the innocent and the weak

I'm laying down my gun

Hanging up my boots

Tell dad that I don't regret I followed in his shoes

So lay me down

#####

Nazani looked up when she heard the voices raised in song. She put a hand on the stone and used it to help her rise. She smiled at it and gave it a small pat. "Always the gentleman." She put a small hand to her back when she felt the crick there when she stood. "Not as spry as I used to be." She whispered then closed her eyes and listened, trying to find where it was coming from. Her eyes weren't that great anymore, but her hearing was still perfect. It was one complaint her grandchildren and great grandchildren had about spending time with her, they couldn't get away with anything. Tati heard all.

It only took a moment for her to recognize the song. She inhaled sharply and looked back at the stone. "Another one gone." She shook her head sadly. "Make sure he finds his way my love." She turned her head and saw five men standing at a grave, although one she knew the others probably didn't see. She had "the gift" as her mother called it. Although the stupid gift wouldn't let her see those she wanted to see, just those that need her help.

She looked at the man in a spotless uniform and smiled sadly. So young. He didn't look to be more than 35, dark, short cropped hair and blue eyes. She watched him spread his wings to engulf the four men and bowed his head as they continued their song. She could see that the blond was having a particularly hard time and two more men appeared beside him, younger than the first, one had jet black hair and hazel eyes the other, beautiful caramel skin and kind brown eyes. "Taken much too soon." She whispered, tears forming. She wiped her eyes to refocused them just as the song was ending and saw the angels form a circle with their wings around the group.

A smile filled her face as she watched a brilliant light surround the group. She could feel the immense love, strength and peace

that radiated from it and she moved closer. She blinked hard when the light became blinding and put a hand up to cover her eyes. After a moment it faded and she looked back at the men, but they had started to move off. She hurried after them. She had to give them the message.

#####

As they finished the last verse of the song, Sam felt something. He wasn't sure what it was exactly, only that it felt good, right. He was a complete mess. This was so much harder than he thought it would be, but whatever it was felt very powerful, but calming and, peaceful. He stole a look at the others and could see that whatever it was, they were feeling it too. It felt. It was beautiful. He put a hand on Dolittle's shoulder and each man did it in turn.

Beast looked at each man before him and nodded. He wasn't sure what he just saw, but he felt stronger and more serene. His best friend was at peace now and they would be ok. Without a word he turned and headed back to the car. He knew they probably needed another minute, but he actually felt ok. It still hurt like hell, but not the debilitating pain he was hiding from Pax and Dolittle.

He took in a breath and sighed it out. Whoa. What the hell- Did anyone else see- Pax looked at the others and was surprised to see Beast turn and start to walk away. He'd kept a steadying arm around Sam's waist, but he lets his arm drop now. He looked at Sam questioningly, when he nodded, Pax picked up the crutches and handed them to him. He nodded to Dolittle, who looked just as stunned, and they made their way slowly down to the car.

Sam concentrated on using the crutches on the grass, making sure he put them down solidly before he moved forward. He felt Dolittle stiffen beside him and looked up in time to see a small, very old woman approaching them. The profiler in him made him study her as she approached. She was walking slowly, but it was possible that was due to age and joint issues. Her posture and carriage said that she was not a threat, but again that could be misconstrued by age and medical issues. But, there was something about her face and the sad, but determined look in her eye that made him speak first. "Can we help you?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you." She stopped where she was, about five feet from them. She saw the other two men turn and became a little nervous at the look on the big man's face. She took a breath and moved her gaze back to the blonde. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Yours too." Sam tipped his head to the side. He could see that she had something important to say.

"I don't know how you feel about it," she was always cautious with this part as she'd had some negative reactions, "but I have what my people call don de dieu."

"Gift from God." Pax nodded.

"Yes. I can see and hear things that others cannot." She wrung her hands nervously.

"It's ok. You can tell us." Sam encouraged. Something was telling him not to let this opportunity pass.

"They want you to know something." Nazani took a breath. The hazel eyed and brown eyed men were being really pushy. They kept telling her that he would understand and not to be afraid. She shot a look at the black man. "Ok." She whispered irritably. Man, he was pushier than the other guy.

"What?" Sam frowned. Who was she talking to? He started to wonder if she had a mental health issue.

She took a breath. She was losing credibility here. "Sorry, sometimes they're a little," she looked to her right slightly, "pushy to get their message across." The other two men started walking again, shaking their heads. "Please, I'm not crazy. Ok, look, they want you to know that it's not your fault. They don't blame you. You did everything you could. You were and still are their brothers, that won't ever change. They want you to forgive them and forgive yourselves."

"Forgive them?" Pax asked incredulously. He and Beast had stopped in their tracks.

Nazani nodded. "More than one is here." She looked at the blonde directly. "You blame yourselves for their deaths and it wasn't your fault. They want you to know that it was just their time. It was fate. They're sorry they had to leave you on Earth, but they are always with you. Your souls are in good hands." She smiled and looked to either side of her and waited.

Sam let fresh tears fall. Matt, Lou. He looked down a moment, letting what the woman said sink in. He wasn't sure he believed her, but how would she know?

"Mm. Ok." She nodded. "Animal House. Whatever that means." She shrugged and watched the blonde lift his head, his eyes wide. "You need to watch it." She sent a questioning look to the side. "With a spike? And jewels?" She shrugged, turned and walked away. When she was out of earshot she looked at the black man. "What kind of name is Lou? Short for? Oh yeah. No I've never heard that name before. Nothing like that in Romania."

Dolittle put his arm back around Sam when he saw Sam stumble. Holy shit. Did she just say Spike and Jules? He looked at Sam and saw that his face was extremely pale. He wasn't sure what to say, but he knew he needed to get Sam to the car before he fell down. He looked at Pax and Beast who were frozen in place, their faces in different states of shock. "C'mon buddy. Let's get to the car." They got Sam into the car easily as he was just following their instructions, not really there.

Pax broke out of his shock and walked to the car. He stopped, his brows raised, and said, "wow."

Beast had remained silent after the woman left, trying to process what they just heard. His cousin Zeva told him she had a "gift", but he'd always laughed it off. Guess he couldn't do that now. He smiled at them. "Like I've said, he's still got our six."

"Definitely." Dolittle slapped each of them on the back, walked to the other side of the car and climbed in the back next to Sam. He could see that Sam was still shocked. "You ok bro?" He tipped his head down.

He wasn't sure what to say, but Sam nodded. The message was just what he needed to hear and he still couldn't wrap his head around it. If he'd been alone, he may have tried to brush it off, but the others heard it too. He looked at Pax, concerned he really was losing his mind. When he saw the confirming look on Pax's face, he nodded again. "I will be."

"We all will." Beast smiled as he got in the passenger seat and it rocked the car slightly.

Sam accentuated the rocking by tipping himself back and forth. "Jesus gargantuan. This is a rental you know. We can't afford to keep replacing the shocks and struts on vehicles." He laughed when Beast reached a large hand back towards him, but couldn't reach because of his bulk.

"I crush you like bug." Beast said in his best Russian accent, rolling the r.

Both Pax and Dolittle were laughing hard and each of them felt the heaviness that had enveloped them lift. It felt good.

"Let's get some grub. What do you guys feel like?" Pax asked from the driver's seat.

"O'Relly's." Sam said after a moment of thought. It was Craze's favorite tavern.

"Perfect." Dolittle smiled and the others added their agreement.

"After I'd like to go see Julie and the kids." Sam knew that would be really hard, but he wouldn't leave without letting her know he was here for her.

"Absolutely." Pax nodded as they headed to the tavern. He stole a look at Beast who gave him a relieved look.

AN: The song is If You're Reading This by Tim McGraw and I do not own any rights to the song or lyrics. This was tough to write. That song really hits me in the heart (I haven't lost anyone in the military, but I do have family that serve) and it was hard to write through the tears. Thank you to everyone that is serving or has served in the US and Canadian Military. Your sacrifice is not forgotten. On a side note, I'm not really that religious, but I do believe in angels and that they are around us all the time so I definitely believe that Matt, Craze and Lou would want to be there to support the guys. As always, please review. I love reading them and they help me be a better writer!


	32. Chapter 32

"Ok kids. Quiet time. In your rooms for one hour. Read a book, take a nap, something quiet." Julie Johnson called down the hall from the kitchen table. She put an arm over her head, listening for each of her kids to close their doors. She knew it was stress, for her, for them. They just buried their father a few days ago and they'd been fighting even more than usual since. None of them really knew how to handle it. She was doing her best to be strong for them, but she felt so lost.

When she heard two doors close she sighed in relief, that is until she heard her daughter crying. She took a deep breath, stood and walked down the hall to the pink door on the left. She knocked softly and entered when she heard a teary, "come in". She sat on the bed next to her six year old who was lying on her back, looking up at the ceiling, tears running down her face. She laid on her back next to her and her heart hitched at the pictures on the ceiling. Somehow Chloe had pasted several pictures of Tony to her ceiling. She sent a sideways look to Chloe who was sniffing and wiping her nose on the back of her hand.

Chloe sniffed, rolled, pulled a tissue from her bedside table and blew her nose before she rolled back to her back. It hurt so much to know that Daddy wasn't coming home. She didn't understand why and no one could tell her. It made her so angry and sad. She finally found her voice, "momma?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"I miss daddy." The tears started again.

"I know baby girl, me too." Julie took Chloe's hand in hers and laced their fingers. After a few moments, she heard Chloe sigh. "What were you and Dylan fighting about?" Another sigh. "Come on." She nudged her shoulder into Chloe's playfully.

"He- he took my favorite picture." Chloe looked at the ceiling angrily, sticking her lip out. Dylan was always so mean to her, but especially now that daddy died. He was so angry and she didn't understand what she'd done to make him mad. She'd been a good girl lately. Ok, so maybe she borrowed his GI Joes without asking, but Mrs. Fluffbottom needed someone to protect her against the trolls. When he saw his GI Joes scattered on the floor, he'd kicked Mrs. Fluffbottom and then picked her up and ripped her arm off. She'd cried for a long time about that one.

"Which one?" Julie asked gently.

"The family one we took last time daddy was home." Chloe took a breath. "When we spent the whole day just playing with daddy. It was the bestest day ever." She turned to her mom, arched her back and smiled.

Julie laughed and pulled Chloe close, taking in the scent of the princess Jasmin soap they used in the bath this morning. She pulled back and looked Chloe in the eye. "You're right. It was a really great day. One we definitely should remember. So, I will get a copy made of that picture so we can all have one ok?" She put a hand on Chloe's cheek and wiped her tears away. "And anytime you want to talk about daddy we can ok?"

"Ok." Chloe nodded, but suddenly looked to the door and rolled her eyes. "Dyl-lan." She groaned. She looked back at her mom.

When the door swung open, Julie smiled at Dylan who was standing in the doorway glowering. She sat up, concerned. "Come on in." She patted next to her.

Dylan couldn't help himself. Dad had always told him to obey his mother so he moved forward and laid on the bed next to his mom. He was still steaming that Chloe was being so selfish and wanted that picture. He was the oldest, he should get the picture. And why did she have to be so damned annoying? Always getting into his stuff, messing things up. It was her fault dad died. If she wasn't always making a mess and being a jerk dad would've wanted to come home to them.

"I know it's hard for you guys to understand what's happening-" The doorbell stopped Julie from continuing. She stood and looked back at them. "Stay here a sec ok?" When they nodded she went to the door, looked out the peephole and gasped. She took a deep breath and opened the door to the four men before her.

"Hi Julie." Sam gave her a small smile.

"Sam!" She smiled and hugged him tightly, then moved on to Atlas, Keith and Aaron. "I'm so glad you guys stopped by, please come in." She looked at Sam. "I didn't know you were in town. How are you doing?" She eyed his casted arm.

"It's fine. Still sore, but," Sam sighed, "I'm doing ok." He shrugged. "How are you?" He asked poignantly.

"Uh," Julie sighed and offered them seats in the living room, "we're hanging in, you know. Some days are better than others." She said as they sat.

"I know it's hard-" Sam started, but stopped when he saw a little person hiding at the edge of the hallway wall. "Hey Dylan. How are you little man?" He smiled at the dark haired boy that stepped from the hall. My god, he looks just like Craze, Sam thought as he looked at the boy in awe.

Dylan wasn't sure who the blond man was, but a memory suddenly came to him. Playing hide and seek in the back yard. He remembered because this man was really good at it. One time he found the guy in the tree, and not just in the first couple of branches, but way up high. "You're," he squinted at the blonde man trying to place the name.

"Uncle Sam!" Chloe ran from the hall and threw herself at the blonde man. Then looked at the others. "Uncle Atlas!" She jumped from Sam's lap into Beasts who was sitting in the love seat next to Sam.

Sam laughed and put his hands up, making sure Chloe was safe as she made the transition.

"Hey Chloe!" Beast smiled and held the little girl close. "How are you ένα γλυκό?" (my sweet - Greek)

"Γλυκό Uncle Atlas." (healthy-greek) The little girl answered, her face tense.

"Well we will just have to work on the Ευτυχές then. (happy - greek)" Pax held out his hands and waited for the little girl to jump to him in the chair next to the love seat forming the third side of the square. When she did he held her close then settled her on his lap.

"What about you Dylan?" Sam asked as the boy approached, then sat between him and Dolittle. He put an arm around the boy's shoulders after he shrugged them.

Dylan wanted to ask, but he wasn't sure if he should. He stole a look at his mom sitting across from him in the other arm chair. He screwed up his courage and looked directly in the expressive blue eyes he remembered. "Why did he leave us? Did he hate us that much?" Tears formed and he bowed his head, embarrassed. He heard the adults gasp and his mother whisper his name.

Sam's heart broke. How could Dylan think such a thing? "Your daddy loved you very much." His voice cracked and he looked at Chloe who's eyes were watering. "Come here Chloe. I need to tell you and your brother something very important." He pulled Dylan close with one arm and put Chloe on his knee. "I-" He looked at the others and got a nod in return. "We," Sam continued, "want you to know, that your daddy loved you both very much and if he had anything to say about it, he'd be with you right now. Do you know what he did for a job?" he looked at each of them.

"He was a hero." Chloe smiled.

"Yes he was sweetheart." Sam hugged her.

"He was a soldier." Dylan gave her an annoyed look.

"Yes he was that too." Sam nodded. "He had to go to a far away place to fight the bad men and make sure you and your mom stayed safe. To make sure the people of Canada stayed safe. It was a very important job that he really liked doing, but it made him sad that it kept him from you and your mom a lot. So," he reached into a pocket of his jacket and pulled out a photo, "he kept this picture with him all the time. Do you know why?"

"Because he loved and missed us." Dylan was obvious, he thought, a little annoyed.

"Yes, but also because it reminded him of what he was fighting for. For you and your mom, to keep you safe. It's too big, too much to think that he's trying to protect everyone in Canada, that seems impossible, believe me. But, to just worry about protecting you guys, that was easier. Do you understand?" Sam was glad when he saw Dylan mull that over then nod. "Most important though, is that you know that your daddy will always be with you, in here," he pointed to Chloe's chest, "and here." He pointed to Dylan's chest. "Now, I have a big job for both of you, do you think you can do it?"

Chloe's face lit up and she nodded enthusiastically.

Dylan sat up a little straighter and squared his shoulders. "Definitely."

"I need you to tell your new little sister," Sam nodded at Julie's bulging belly, "all about your daddy. See, she won't know your daddy like you do, so I need you to tell her all the stories and memories you have of your daddy so that she will know him. And," he brightened at the thought, "I'm going to do it too." He carefully transferred Chloe to Dolittle's lap, walked over to Julie and knelt next to her belly. He looked up at her, waiting for permission. When she nodded he asked, "do you have a name yet?"

Julie nodded, her eyes tearing. "Antonia Atlas." She looked at Beast and saw that he beamed with pride, his eyes tearing.

"Hi Antonia. I'm your uncle Sam. I knew your daddy and I wanted to tell you a story about him. This is about the day that I met , I was pretty new to the army and your daddy was my first commander. We called him Sarge. So I didn't know what I was doing with my gear and your daddy saw that I was having trouble so he came over to me. Now, a lot," he looked pointedly at Beast, "of the guys in charge like to yell if you aren't doing something right."

"How come?" Dylan frowned.

"That's their job. It's how they keep us in line so we don't fool around and get ourselves-." Dolittle stopped abruptly and changed course. "In trouble. We have an important job and it has to be done right."

"Yeah my teacher gets grumpy when me and the guys goof off." Dylan rolled his eyes.

"Right, like that. Your teacher has an important job to do too, so you guys need to pay attention." Dolittle warned gently. When the boy nodded, he smiled and gave him a squeeze.

"So I was sure your dad was going to yell at me because I had my gear all over the place." Sam continued to speak to Julie's belly. "But he didn't. He was actually really nice and helped me get it all stowed away the way it was supposed to be. Then he said, 'geez kid, you're a mess. What unit are you with?'. He laughed so hard when I told him that Craze was my Sarge. I asked why he was laughing and he said, 'that's me'."

All of the adults laughed and Dylan smiled at the sound of it. There hadn't been any laughter since they found out his dad died a week ago. He'd missed it. He smiled and looked at Chloe. She was smiling and giggling at Atlas' deep laugh.

"Unca Atlas, you laugh so loud!" Chloe looked at the big man and gigged

Atlas looked at the little girl and shrugged.

"So what happened next Uncle Sam?" Dylan asked, smiling for the first time in a week.

"Well, then he yelled." Sam raised his brows and smiled. "But that was ok, he trained me very well."

"Your Uncle Sam is an excellent soldier." Dolittle said to Chloe.

"So are your Uncles Atlas, Keith and Aaron. Your daddy was an amazing man and soldier." Sam put a hand on Julie's stomach. He was surprised a moment later when two small hands from either side of him covered his hand. He looked down at Chloe. "So repeat after me." He looked at Dylan. "I, and say your name."

"I, Chloe Amelia Johnson,"

"I, Dylan Anthony Johnson,"

"Promise to tell our sister Antonia," Sam said and the kids repeated. "Stories about our daddy," repeated, "so that she will always know, what an awesome man and daddy our daddy was." When they were done saying the last part, he hugged and kissed each of them. "And, don't forget that Uncle Atlas, Uncle Aaron, Uncle Keith and I will always be here for you no matter what."

The four men stood and said together, "we promise". They sat down and continued to talk to the kids about anything and everything they wanted to hear about their dad. They left out all of the horrible parts, but they had many stories about their times together. Several hours later, the men said their goodbyes.

As they walked to the car, Beast put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Well done brother."

Sam smiled up at Beast. "Thanks. Now that I'm in Toronto I can drive over on the weekends and check in."

"That's an order soldier." Beast nodded. It wasn't really a command. He knew Sam was a good man and wouldn't go back on his promise to be there for Craze's family. He would make sure he and the others would honor it too.

They headed to the the airport and towards home.

 **AN** : Whoa! Check me out posting after one day! :) I'm thinking one more chapter will wrap this story up so I can continue my AU story. Please review!


	33. Chapter 33

Sam looked out the window of the small plane, watching the city of Hamilton disappear below. He had his earphones in, and rock was playing, but it wasn't the pounding beats he listened to on the way there. He was mulling over the visit to Julie, Dylan and Chloe in his mind. It lifted his heart some to see those beautiful kids smiling. He knew the last week had probably been the worst of their short lives and he was glad he could help them.

It helped him too. It hurt to talk about Craze, it made Sam miss him more, but it was good to tell stories about his friend. It made him remember all the good times they had together. Tony was hilarious. When they were off duty or on the move, Tony always had a wisecrack or a joke to tell. Sam chuckled. He'd have to wait until the kids were grown to share their dad's jokes with them, they were definitely not kid appropriate. He felt a nudge on his shoulder, pulled an earbud out and looked to is right, an eyebrow raised.

"Those kids were great weren't they?" Dolittle smiled.

"Oh yeah, but that's not why I chuckled." Sam agreed and smiled.

"No?"

"Nope."

"Do we have to beat it out of you?" Beast said casually from the seat across the aisle.

He gave Beast a crooked smile. "Do you remember all those jokes Craze told?" Sam asked lightly.

"Oh god. You aren't going to tell the kids those are you?" Dolittle asked incredulously.

"Hell no." Sam laughed. "I was just thinking about how completely inappropriate they were."

"You ain't kidding. You remember the vampire one?" Dolittle laughed.

"Ugh." Sam wrinkled his nose. That one was disgusting.

"Or the one about the sheep farmer?" Beast offered, chuckling.

"Oh come on, that one was hilarious!" Pax laughed and turned in his seat in front of Sam.

"Baaaah! Baaaah!" Sam bleated and laughed hysterically. It made the others burst into peals of laughter. It took several minutes before they could all catch their breath and compose themselves. Sam wiped his eyes, looked down and turned off his iPod.

Dolittle smiled and looked at Beast. Sam was doing much better and Beast's nod told him Beast thought so too. He was so glad Pax had suggested this. And that he could arrange for his pilot buddy Ken to fly them back and forth. He felt a pang of loss as the image of Craze's face played in his mind. He'd been thinking about their return to the desert and for the first time he realized that Craze wouldn't be there when they got there. It ripped open the hole he thought he'd closed.

Sam tipped his head down and looked at Dolittle. The sadness and pain he saw opened his eyes. He looked at Pax and Beast, each had been hiding their pain but it was evident on their faces now. He felt so stupid and selfish. He shook his head. "Ah guys. I'm so sorry." He put a hand on Dolittle's shoulder.

"What are you sorry for?" Dolittle looked at Sam and frowned.

"I've been so selfish, worrying about how I feel when you guys are hurting too." He looked out the window. "He was your friend and brother too." When he looked back at them he had tears in his eyes. He knew how they felt and they him.

"I've known you for years Sam and you've never ever been selfish." Beast shook his head and slid to the aisle seat. He looked at Dolittle and Pax who were nodding in agreement. "We all deal with it in our own way." He looked away, not wanting them to see how much it really hurt. He looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder and met caring blue eyes.

"I know you too brother," Sam held his gaze, "it's ok to miss him. You don't have to be so strong all the time."

Beast shook his head. Sam was wrong. His men counted on him now. He was their Sergeant now. He had to be strong. He felt two more hands on his back and looked up to see Dolittle and Pax completing the circle. He put a hand to his head, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. The tears came slowly, but once they did, the deluge was released.

They held on to each other, hands on backs as they supported one another. Several minutes later, they were pulling themselves back together and blowing noses. They looked at each other and knew that their bond was stronger than ever. A few minutes later the pilot let them know they'd be landing soon and they all buckled up.

"So, how much longer do you have before you leave?" Sam asked, trying not to sound as sad as he felt. He'd miss them all a lot.

Pax stuck his arm out and looked at his watch. "Four hours before we have to report to the airfield."

"You want to take a tour of the barn?" Sam smiled. He knew they'd appreciate the gun cage the most and couldn't wait to show it and their obstacle course off.

"Sure." Dolittle nodded after looking at Beast and Pax.

One of the servicemen gave them a ride in a humvee (after seeing how large the Sergeant was) to the SRUHQ.

As they walked in, Sam said hi to Sydney and introduced the guys. "That is the briefing room, or more often the debriefing room. We come back and discuss the details of the call if we don't get called out again." He walked down the hall and to the locker rooms, making sure to knock before they entered. When they heard several voices say "decent" they went in. He was surprised to see Greg, Wordy, Ed and Spike getting dressed. He looked at his watch, it was only 1545 (3:45pm). "Sneaking out early today?"

"We wish." Spike rolled his eyes and walked to them. "Slow day so we're running the course."

"Fun." Sam smiled. He was glad he was still using crutches. He had an idea and looked at Pax, Dolittle and Beast mischievously.

"What is that? What's with the look?" Spike asked, his eyes wide. He didn't like it usually when Sam got that look in his eyes.

"I think maybe it should be an SRU versus JTF2 race." Sam looked to Ed and saw him raise his brows and nod. And, he could see that familiar, competitive glint in his eye.

"Oh I think we could do that." Ed nodded. "That is, if you think you can make it all the way around big guy." He put a hand on Beast's shoulder.

Beast grinned widely. "Oh don't worry about me, old man, I still got it."

"Old man?" Ed laughed. "We'll see about that." He led the way outside to the obstacle course which had just been updated by a Downsview Military Base course specialist.

"Oooh. Nice." Pax smiled broadly. He looked at Spike and raised a brow. "I'll try to go easy on ya." He put his bag down and started stretching.

Spike couldn't help but join in on the trash talk. "I won't." He smiled back.

"Aahh. I see how it is." Pax nodded slowly.

"Oh good. Then you won't be disappointed when we win." Wordy joked and slapped Dolittle on the back. He knew it was all in good fun but it was fun to flex their bravado once in awhile.

Dolittle smiled and continued to stretch. He started jogging in place to get his legs warmed up.

Sam looked on longingly. Stupid broken arm and hurt leg, he thought angrily. Watching them made him ache to join them.

"How was the trip?" Greg stood next to Sam and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Good." Sam nodded and looked at Greg. "It was hard, but it helped all of us."

Greg gave him a small smile. "I'm sure."

Sam stood up from where he was leaning on the half wall between the benches and the obstacle course. He hadn't decided whether he was going to tell anyone about what happened at the cemetery, but somehow Greg always made it seem safe for Sam to tell him anything. After he finished telling Greg what the woman in the cemetery said, he watched for a reaction.

"Wow. What did you think of that?"

"I don't know." Sam shrugged. "I mean it could just be wishful thinking but," he paused.

"But it was true." Greg moved closer and moved his hand to Sam's other shoulder. "It wasn't your fault either of them died. Matt was in the wrong place at the wrong time and Lou," he took breath, the pain still a little raw, "made a choice. Neither of them would want you to carry this Sam. You have to find a way to let it go."

He nodded, unsure if he could keep the tears at bay. Sam looked up and saw that Ed was standing in front of him and Wordy was on his other side next to his broken arm, both were wearing expressions of caring and support.

"We're right here to help you." Ed gave Sam a fatherly look.

Wordy's put a hand gently on Sam's back. "Shel and I would love to have you stay with us for a few days so you can rest your leg." When he saw reluctance in Sam's eyes he added, "the girls have been asking when you were coming for dinner."

"That's not fair." Sam frowned playfully. "You know they're my kryptonite."

"Pulling out the big guns." Ed smiled and nodded at Wordy.

"Did it for work?" Wordy raised a brow at Sam.

"Of course." Sam sighed. He did love those little girls and the stairs to his apartment would irritate his leg. He was surprised at how quickly he'd given in. Maybe they were wearing him down, a little.

"You guys ready?" Beast asked walking up to them.

"Let's do this." Ed smiled. He and Beast were going first. They walked companionably to the start.

"I appreciate Wordy taking Sam in like that." Beast said softly.

"He seems much better." Ed looked down the course.

"He is. I think we all are." Beast nodded slightly. "It was a much needed trip. I just wish we could stay longer."

"I know." Ed nodded as they got ready to start.

"I'll leave you my number. So we can check in from time to time." Beast smiled and said. "Good luck."

"Sounds good." Ed nodded. "You too."

They both took off like a shot when Jules yelled "go!"

Sam was cheering for both of them as they made their way around the obstacle course. He saw Ed trip just before the cargo net and yelled to him to get up. "Come on Ed!"

Jules was watching the stop watch closely when the two men crossed the line. "Ed, 2:15, Beast, 2:14." She said, a little disappointed.

"So close!" Beast smiled at Ed and they shook hands.

"Oh man!" Ed smiled back then turned to Spike. "You're up Spike." He leaned over to catch his breath then looked up and smiled at Sam and Wordy when they came over and congratulated him on a great run.

Pax and Spike lined up at the start and were trading jabs when Jules yelled, "ready, go!"

They took off as fast as they could, but Pax got his foot caught on the cargo net down and fell kind of hard on his face. Everyone cringed and said "oooh."

Spike looked back and stopped dead in his tracks. He jogged back to Pax and dropped to a knee next to the man. "You ok Pax?" He leaned down close to Pax's face.

Just then, Pax jumped up, pulled Spike down at the same time and took off running and laughing.

"Hey!" Spike scrambled up and took off as fast as he could to the next obstacle which was a ledge walk about three feet in the air, then they picked up a dummy and carried it while running through tires. They were neck and neck at the tires and threw themselves over the finish line, laughing. "You cheater!" He punched Pax in the arm.

"You were winning, I had to do something!" Pax laughed. "At least now it was close!"

"It was too close!" Jules called. "Spike, 2:40, Pax, 2:41."

"Whoo!" Spike whooped as they stood, helping each other. "Ok Wordy, you got this." He walked to his teammate and patted him on the back.

"Unless you're afraid to be beat by a girl." Jules looked at Dolittle and taunted.

"Bring it on sister." Dolittle smiled and followed her to the finish line.

"Oh he's in for it." Spike smiled and giggled excitedly.

"Dolittle may look a little scrawny, but he's fast and scrappy." Pax bragged.

"You don't know our girl Jules. This is going to be fun." Wordy smiled and rubbed his hands together.

"Five bucks?" Sam looked at Beast.

"You're on." Beast stuck out his hand and they shook on it.

They watched as Jules and Dolittle started off down the course, keeping pace with each other. Dolittle turned on the juice going into the ledge walk, getting across first.

Jules saw this and smiled. She knew he probably thought that the dummy carry would be hard for her, but she knew better.

Sam saw Jules smile and looked at Beast, his hand out.

Beast frowned at Sam. "I don't see the money in your hand."

"Oh just watch." Sam smiled.

Jules picked up the dummy, threw it over her back easily and ran at full speed for the tires.

When she passed Dolittle his brows went up and he hurried his pace. He caught up with her on the third tire, but it was too late. She ran across the line just before him. He put the dummy down and walked to her, putting a hand on her back. "Nicely done. I thought I had you, but you had some gas in the tank." He smiled at her.

"You never had me." Jules winked and hugged him.

"Nicely done Jules." Sam put his hand up and high fived her.

"Thanks." Jules smiled at him. She ignored the spark she felt when they touched. The same one she always felt and ignored.

The group moved inside and to the range where the team showed off their favorite weapons. Ed was shooting his rifle when the light went off indicating a hot call. The group ran out of the range to the desk while Ed secure his rifle.

Sam and the unit moved aside and listened to Sydney give the details. The team moved to gear up and Sam gave them each a meaningful look and said, "be safe."

"I called Shel," Wordy said to Sam, "you guys can head over there now if you want. She's making spaghetti for supper, should be ready around 5:30."

"Thanks Wordy." Beast shook his hand. "Take care."

Dolittle stuck his hand out and shook Greg's hand. "Thanks."

"Thank you." Greg said meaningfully.

"Bye guys." Ed said and shook their hands.

Jules hugged each one. When she got to Beast she whispered, "we'll take good care of him. I promise."

Beast smiled down at her. "Thanks." He was glad Sam had the team and especially Jules to have his back. It didn't take a genius to see the connection between Sam and Jules. Sam had talked about their relationship and break up with him over Skype. He'd seen how much it hurt Sam when they broke up. It pained him to see Sam so upset.

They'd talked for quite awhile which was just what Sam needed. By the end of the call he could see that Sam felt a little better and he'd told Sam that if he really thought Jules was the one to be patient. She would come around. As he looked at her now, he didn't hold any ill feelings toward her. He knew it had to be hard on her too.

The team moved off and Pax looked at his watch, 1630 (4:30pm). "So? You want to run by your apartment then head to Wordy's?"

"Sure." Sam shrugged. He turned to Winnie and asked her to call a cab. They walked outside to wait for the cab.

Dolittle looked at Sam and could see he was getting very tired. He caught Pax's eye and pulled him aside. "We'll need to get Sam's stuff from his apartment unless the elevator is working."

"Copy." Pax agreed.

They got to Sam's apartment and were glad that the elevator was working for once. Once they got into Sam's apartment, Dolittle made Sam sit on the bed while he packed his bag. He was a little surprised Sam didn't argue, he must be really tired.

Pax went to the fridge and opened and closed it quickly. He turned his face away and made a face. "Ooh that is rank."

Beast laughed and walked to the kitchen to give Pax a hand cleaning out the fridge. They were both holding their noses as they cleaned out several days worth of leftovers. They finished as Dolittle and Sam emerged from the bedroom. "Ready?" Beast asked. If it was possible, Sam looked even more tired. He nodded to Dolittle. Time to get Sam to lay down.

It only took them another five minutes to get to Wordy's house. They pulled up to the curb and Pax helped Sam out of the cab. Beast had already gotten out and was on the phone arraigning their ride to the base. The cab was barely big enough for them in the back seat and he wasn't doing that again.

Shelly ran to the door from the kitchen closely followed by the three girls. She opened it with a smile. "Welcome."

"Uncle Sam!" Three little girls yelled when they saw him and three little girls stopped when they saw his crutches and arm in a cast.

"You ok Unca Sam?" Two year old Ivy asked worriedly, her little face wrinkled with concern.

"Unca Sam has big boo-boos. That's why he's going to stay with us, so he can get better." Seven year old Allie looked at her youngest sister and explained. When she saw that five year old Holly wasn't as convinced, she stepped between her sisters and put an arm around each of them.

Sam held out his casted arm. "See? It's ok, this is helping my arm heal." He leaned down and waited while Ivy toddled forward, unsure.

"Me see." Ivy reached out a little hand and pulled it back when she touched the cast. She looked at Sam and tentatively put a hand on his cast. She rubbed her hand back and forth. "Smooth."

"Yeah." Sam nodded. He saw that Holly was curious and stepped forward and touched his arm. "Guess what? You guys can sign this if you want."

Holly's eyes lit up and Allie stepped forward, her eyes wide. "Really?" Holly smiled big, showing off her missing front teeth.

"Absolutely!" Sam stood and hid a wince. Leaning over like that put pressure on his hip.

The three girls cheered and ran up to their room.

 **AN: Guess I had more to say than I thought. Last chapter coming soon! As always, please review! And if you get a chance, please read and review my one shot Mantras Make the World Go Round. I've gotten readers but only three reviews. I don't know if you like it or not unless you comment! Please and thank you!**


	34. Chapter 34

Shelly stepped forward and introduced herself to the guys. She invited them to sit in the living room, but they all headed to the kitchen to help her with supper. She stopped Sam with a hand on his arm. "Sam, when was your last pain med dose?" She eyed him.

"I'm good." Sam stood up a little straighter.

"Come on." Shelly turned towards the spare room off the living room. She turned after a few steps and looked back to see Sam just standing there. She walked back to him. "I know, they're leaving soon."

"Yeah." Sam looked towards the kitchen where he could hear Beast giving the others orders about things to do.

"You're exhausted." Shelly stated.

"I just need a couple more hours." Sam said wistfully. He couldn't miss this rare time with them by taking a nap, even though he knew he needed one.

"Ok." Shelly reached in his bag and pulled out the ibuprofen. "A couple now to take the edge off and the rest of the dose after supper."

Sam nodded and took the pills from her. He threw them back and dry swallowed them just as the girls ran back downstairs, their arms full. He laughed. "What's all this?"

"We couldn't decide what we wanted to use so we brought everything." Allie looked at the items in her arms.

"I brung sparklees!" Ivy held up her arms.

"Brought. You brought sparkles." Allie rolled her eyes.

"Ok," Shelly laughed, "bring that stuff to the table."

"Brought mommy." Ivy gave her mom a serious look then turned and followed her sisters to the table.

Sam raised a brow at Shelly and they both chuckled. He sat dutifully at the table while the girls signed their names and added whatever flourishes they wanted. He was hugging and kissing them in thanks when Wordy walked in.

"My girls!" Wordy knelt down and took the three girls in his arms. He picked them up as they squealed in delight and he carried them to the dining room. He put them down and eyed the mess of markers, crayons, pink feathers, multi colored confetti and sparkles. "Wow. What were you guys working on?"

Holly walked to Sam and put her hands up around the casted arm on the table like Vanna.

"Oh..my.. goodness!" Wordy chuckled and raised his brows. He looked at Sam who just shrugged. Each name was surrounded by sparkles, drawings, feathers and/or confetti. It was a beautiful piece of multi colored art, some of the girls' best work. He knelt down in front of the girls. "You guys did an awesome job. Can you clean up the table now so we can have dinner?"

He received a trio of, "yes daddy."

"That's my girls." Wordy gave them a warm smile and a kiss. He stood and looked at Sam. "Spike is going to have a field day."

"Yeah, but that's ok." Sam smiled big as he looked at his, now very girly, cast.

Wordy eyed Sam. He looked tired. He walked to the kitchen and kissed Shel on the cheek. "How's it going Hun?"

"Good. Have a good day?" Shel turned from the sauce on the stove.

"Yeah, not bad." Wordy nodded. He looked at Beast, Pax and Dolittle who were working on the salad and cutting up the garlic bread. "Thanks for helping with supper."

"No problem." Pax shrugged, not looking up from chopping vegetables.

"Should be ready in five if you want to take a seat." Shel hitched her chin at the table.

"Dolittle." Beast tipped his head to the table.

"Copy." Dolittle nodded and turned to Shelly. "Where are the dishes?" When Shelly pointed them out, he started to set the table with Wordy's help.

Sam tried to stand to help, but Dolittle pushed him down and patted his shoulder.

They could all see that Sam was fighting to stay awake.

Forty five minutes later, they were all in various states of fullness.

"Thank you so much Shelly. This was awesome." Beast put his big hand over hers.

"You're welcome." Shelly smiled. "Thank you for your help."

"It was worth it to get a homemade meal like this." Pax nodded.

"Are you head back overseas?" Shelly asked.

"Yes, tonight." Dolittle gave her a small smile. His gaze drifted to Sam sitting across from him between Beast and Allie. His head was down and he was fast asleep.

Allie followed Dolittle's gaze, stifling a giggle about the man's nickname, and giggled out loud when she saw that Uncle Sam had fallen asleep sitting up. She looked down the table at her parents and caught her dad's eye.

Wordy saw that Allie was looking at him and giggling. He looked next to her and saw that Sam was asleep. He smiled and put a finger to his lips. He saw Allie nod and become serious so her sisters wouldn't notice. It was too late.

"Daaaady." Ivy whispered from the opposite end of the table.

"Yes Ivy? Are you all done?" Wordy asked quietly.

"Yeah." Ivy nodded, looked to her left and looked back at her dad. "Unca Sam seeping. We go shhh." She put a finger to her lips.

"That's right honey." Wordy stood, walked to Ivy and helped her down from her booster seat. "How about you guys run upstairs and get your jammies on ok?"

"But daddy, I wanna say g'night to Unca Sam." Ivy pouted.

"Me too." Holly added her pout.

"Uncle Sam needs his rest just like we do. Don't worry, we'll see him in the morning. He's staying with us, remember?" Allie explained.

"Ooh yeah." Ivy nodded and started up the stairs with Holly close behind.

Wordy knelt down in front of Allie and kissed her. "Nice job ladybug. You," he pointed to her chest, "are an awesome big sister."

Allie smiled and hugged her dad. "Thanks daddy."

"Love you." Wordy hugged his oldest daughter tight before she said "I love you too" and headed upstairs.

"Your girls are just...amazing." Pax said longingly as Wordy returned to the table.

"Thanks man." Wordy put a hand on Pax's shoulder. He walked over to Sam and crouched down between Sam and Beast.

"Careful." Beast whispered and stood quietly while Pax did the same.

"Sam." Wordy said quietly. When Sam didn't stir he said it a little louder. "Time to wake up Sam." He really didn't want to touch Sam to wake him up or jostle him awake because of his injuries. He took a breath and tried again. "Sam. Gotta wake up now. At least a little so we can get you to bed."

"Mmm?" Sam heard Wordy talking to him and it was starting to sink in. He blinked his eyes and opened them, confused. He was sitting up? He looked to his left and saw Wordy kneeling near him. He looked around and realized he fell asleep at the dinner table. He looked down at his plate, which was still half full, embarrassed.

"Come on, let's get you to bed." Wordy stood and offered Sam a hand up.

"I'm good." Sam murmured as he looked around. The others had moved off, but not far. "Sorry." He shook his head. He was more tired than he thought.

"Nothing to be sorry about." Wordy shook his head.

"Hey Sam, we gotta get headed to the base. Our ride is here." Beast walked up and stood next to Sam. He waited while Sam stood and made sure that he was steady. They walked to the entryway.

"Well.." Sam said and dipped his head.

"No words needed brother." Dolittle came forward and hugged Sam. He pulled back and smiled.

"Take care of yourself." Beast pulled Sam gently to him.

"You too." Sam said against Beast's arm. He was fighting not to cry, but it was very hard.

Pax was last. He saw Sam fighting the tears, he was too. He pulled Sam close. "Love ya brother. See you soon."

Sam nodded. A few tears slipped out and he wiped them away quickly, embarrassed. He took a breath and looked at them. "Be safe out there."

Beast gave Sam a smile. "You too." He nodded at Sam's arm. He shook Wordy's hand and said. "Try to keep him outta trouble, would ya?"

"I'll try." Wordy smiled and rolled his eyes. He appreciated what Beast was doing.

With a chuckle, Sam lifted his chin to them.

The three men walked out and closed the door behind them. Beast put a hand on Pax's shoulder. "He's in good hands." He smiled. He really believed that.

"Agreed." Dolittle smiled, put a hand on Beast's shoulder and squeezed.

#####

Sam turned from the door and headed into the living room. It hurt to see the guys go, they'd been a huge support to him the past two days. He missed hanging with them. Their time was always so limited when they were home. He concentrated on making it to the bed as his body was starting to shut down. He was beyond exhausted. He'd been able to survive on little sleep so far but it'd finally caught up with him. He hoped tonight would be nightmare free for once. He sat on the bed with a grunt.

Wordy put his hand out, pills nestled in his palm. When Sam took them, he handed him a small water bottle. He watched with satisfaction as Sam drained the whole bottle then leaned back against the pillows. He sat on the edge of the bed and waited.

With a sigh, Sam laid back and looked at Wordy. He couldn't think of a better place to recuperate, he'd come to think of Wordy and Shelly's girls as his own. He knew time with them was as precious as time with his old unit. "Thanks for letting me stay." He gave Wordy a small smile.

"You know you're welcome anytime." Wordy returned his smile. He eyed Sam. "So, how're you doing?"

He sighed again, then nodded. "I'm ok." Sam said thoughtfully. At Wordy's skeptical look, he said, "honest. I'm going to be ok. It's been tough, but going to Hamilton was an excellent idea."

"Good. Now get some rest. I won't be far if you need anything." Wordy said meaningfully, stood and closed the door behind him. He met Shel in the kitchen and finished the dishes while she got the girls in bed. He went up shortly after and tucked each girl in with a kiss. He met Shel in the livingroom and they cuddled on the couch while watching tv.

Thirty minutes later they were trading gentle kisses and caresses, ignoring the tv completely. Wordy pulled back from Shel, his hands on either side of her face, and frowned.

"What's wrong?" Shel frowned back. Then she heard the muffled groans. She looked to the closed door and back to Kevin. She kissed him softly on the lips and smiled. "Go." She whispered.

Wordy stood and hurried to the door of the spare room, opened and closed it behind him. He ran to the bed and stopped short when he saw Sam. The younger man was rigid on the bed, his hands twisted in the sheets, back arched, head pushed deep

into the pillow, sweat drenched and jaw clenched. He frowned, unsure if this was a dream or something else. He knew better than to get too close so he stopped a few feet away. "Sam. It's ok. You're safe, open your eyes."

Sam heard Wordy enter, but he was so locked in the intense pain he was feeling he couldn't even move his head. Every muscle in his body was tensed up, but none more than his entire right leg. "Pain." He ground out. He'd been trying to get it under control when it started a while ago, but even sniper breathing didn't work.

"Ok, sniper breathing. Slow it down." Wordy moved to the bedside and kneeled. When Sam shook his head, unable to slow his labored breathing he stood quickly. "I'm calling EMS. I'll be right back."

The only thing he could do was shake his head and Sam did it again, vehemently. He put a hand out and was glad that Wordy understood the gesture and put his hand in Sam's.

"Your leg?" Wordy asked, putting his other hand over their clasped ones. When Sam nodded, he turned towards the door. "Shel?"

"No." Sam groaned.

"You need help Sam. More than I can give you." Wordy saw Sam's eyes slit open and a tear escape. The pain there was unbearable to see. When Shel came in, he asked her calmly to call 911, that Sam was in an enormous amount of pain. She turned away and walked out, leaving the door open. He looked back at Sam. "I need you to relax your body some. I'll count it out. Inhale, come on Sam." He said urgently.

He opened his eyes and locked them with Wordy's worried ones. "Hurts..so..bad." Sam choked out.

"I know buddy. I've got you." Wordy held Sam's hand firmly. "Come on. Inhale, hold, 2, 3, 4 release." He counted out. When he counted again, he saw the determination in Sam's eyes.

"They're coming." Shel stepped into the room, the phone still to her ear. She couldn't keep the worry and fear from her face when she saw the pain Sam was in.

After several counts of the breathing rhythm, he saw it was working a little. He was only slightly relieved though as Sam had yet to relax his body. It was still rigid and his grip on Wordy's hand was crushing. It seemed like hours before the EMTs finally walked into the room. Wordy tried to step back, but couldn't go far as Sam wouldn't release his death grip on Wordy's hand. "I'm right here Sam. I'm coming with you but you need to let go so they can help you better."

Sam nodded. Let go, he thought. That's what he'd been trying to do. Let go of the pain he felt for losing Matt. Pain for not being able to help Darren let go of his. For not being there in the desert and losing Craze. His pain was enormous, too large for words really. This pain though, was ten times worse. It started out as an ache, but had quickly become unbearable as every muscle in his leg contracted and stayed that way. It was excruciating. He welcomed the darkness as it enveloped him, the pain finally too much.

"Sam?" Wordy was panicked and looked at the EMTs.

"He's out. Let's get him on the gurney and go." The first EMT said as they lifted Sam, strapped to the backboard, into the air and onto the gurney.

Wordy stopped in the living room to kiss Shelly and followed the EMTs to the ambulance. She assured him she'd called the team and they would meet him at the hospital.

##### 1 month later #####

As Sam sprinted down the obstacle course, he was enjoying himself immensely. His arm felt kind of funny without the cast, but it was so much freer. He loved this course and loved running it even more. He pushed himself to go faster and felt a small pull in his hip. He ignored it and kept pushing, throwing the dummy down at the end of the course with an excited whoop. He looked to his teammates at the sidelines who had burst into applause, but especially at Ed who was holding the stopwatch. He raised his bows as he walked over and caught his breath.

Ed looked from the timer to Sam and back again, keeping his face impassive.

"Ed!" Jules chuckled, shaking her head. Sometimes he could be so mean!

"Well Braddock, I guess," Ed paused for effect which earned him a punch in the arm from Jules and laughs from the others when he winced, "we have some work to do to beat your new record." He grinned from ear to ear.

Sam gave them a big smile and then nodded knowingly when Ed showed him his new time. His smile shifted to a cocky one and he gave them each a "bring it on" look.

Greg smiled at Sam. He was glad to see that Sam was back to his old self, or at least close to it. Sam was able to work through some of his feelings about the Godwin call and Craze's death. He knew better than to assume that Sam would ever be "over" killing Matt, that was far too deep a hurt. The last few weeks on light duty had been hard on Sam.

He was proud of Wordy for helping Sam the first couple weeks. Their time together had definitely been time well spent even though they'd nearly had to tie Sam to the bed to get him to let his leg heal. As they walked inside to brief about the day he walked next to Sam. "How're you feeling?" He saw in his periphery that the rest of the team except Ed had hurried ahead to give them a minute to talk.

"I'm good Boss. Happy to be back to full duty." Sam smiled. He knew the three of them would probably have this conversation today.

"And your leg?" Ed raised a brow.

"All better." Sam lifted his leg and shook it.

"The doc said you didn't need the muscle relaxers anymore?" Ed grinned at Sam's display.

He sighed. Here we go, Sam thought. "You got the report, Ed. I'm fine." He rolled his eyes. Three weeks ago, he was definitely not fine. That had been a horrible night.

When his muscles in his hurt leg had started spasming and then stayed contracted, he thought he was going to die and passed out. He woke up in the ER, confused but nearly pain free. The doc had said that his muscles were only slightly damaged which were causing them to misfire and contract over and over. He was sent home with some powerful muscle relaxers and orders for bed rest for at least three days.

It just about undid him to have to stay in bed for three whole days. The muscle relaxers actually helped him to rest, but he hated sleeping the days away. By the third day, he'd stopped taking them all together, unbeknownst to Wordy and Shelly. They soon knew it though when Sam's muscles started spasming and he was groaning in pain.

Shelly had called Kevin when she went in to check on Sam and found him rolling on the bed, face twisted in pain. It scared her to see him like that again. She was very angry with Sam when she found out that he stopped taking the muscle relaxer. She made him take the pills and when the team arrived he ended up having a shouting match with all of them. Sam had ended up apologizing to them all and especially to Shelly. She knew Sam was relieved when she'd accepted.

He understood they were concerned, hell Sam didn't want to be in that much pain ever again. Eventually, everyone calmed down and Greg called the doctor to see if they could wean Sam off of the muscle relaxers. They worked out a plan so that Sam could cut back on the pills and not feel like he was chained to the bed.

For the next two weeks Wordy and Shelly helped Sam move from the bed to the couch and back again. At night Wordy and Sam would talk, or just hang out. The team stopped in after shift several nights during the week and one or two would help Sam back to bed. On Thursday of the first week he started walking on his own and by Sunday he was taking a 45 minute walk every day. By the Friday of the second week he was completely off of the relaxers and his leg was back to normal.

"Just checking in Sam." Ed smiled. He knew Sam hated being mother henned but as the Team Leader it was his job to make sure his team was on point.

"Thanks." Sam smiled. When the klaxon alarm went off he raised his brows at them and they ran inside.

 **AN: Well, there you have it! Done! Hope you enjoyed this story. If you like my style, check out my profile for a listing of all of the stories I've written so far. Please leave me a review. I love reading them and it helps me (seriously!) become a better writer!**


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